Is this a stereotype?

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i was feeling confident recently that by facing up too my fears that i was getting better control of my anger problems..... but then i read up that people with aspergers apperently have "a really hard time controlling anger". that made me lose face a bit because now i think there is nothing i can do about my anger issues because i have AS.

is this true or is it just a stereotype?

It's a generalization rooted in observation, but it's not a hard & fast requirement. You're not doomed to it. Keep up the good work, don't let anyone's expectations stop you!

What do you mean i am not doomed too it? Because if its hard wired in my brain for me too be 'quick tempered' then theres not much i can do about is there?

Just because it's harder for you doesn't mean it's impossible. Be glad you're not AsPD trying to deal with it.

any statement that starts with something along the lines of "people with *X*" or "*X's*" is a stereotype, just as the anger issue management you mentioned.

admittedly, most stereotypes have a core of truth, but that doesn't mean it's a hard truth.
yes, people with AS usually (note: *usually*) have a harder time controlling anger then 'normal' people, but that doesn't make it impossible to do; just being aware of the difficulty goes a long way...

Rascal77s if anger is more tough for me too control than regular people then what can i do counter my short temper?

When you start to get angry think of something that you regret that was caused by your anger. If that doesn't work think of getting ass raped in prison when you get sent there for aggravated assault.

Jamesy, you might be interested in this thread: http://ftp.wrongplanet.net/postt182003.html (not long )

AAAaaaaaakrgh!! Don't ever think like that! It's NEVER true!

That's what leads to using AS as an excuse. There are ALWAYS things you can try and do.

Be aware though, that not all of them will necessarily work, and you MAY over time find there are some things life just doesn't give you enough time to overcome. But unless you're just too old to care anymore, don't ever give up and start thinking like this. You're only 22. Way too early for that.

It's not true for all of them. Books always generalize. You can't follow them like a bible because every aspie is different. Just because a book says something doesn't mean you have that difficulty or can't do it.

You cannot get rid of your anger because it's a feeling. You can however learn to control how much of it you show and when. I think that we may be seen as quick tempered because we have a lower threshold for frustration or unfairness. You can't do anything about where your threshold is, but you can do something about what you do about it.

It said we have a hard time controlling anger, not that it's not possible for us to control anger. If we couldn't ever control anger, then the prisons would be full of aspie's doing time for murder or assault. What a lot of us show when we get angry is what we know is safe to show even though it's not appropriate. It's safe to scream at someone and flip them off if they call you a name, but it's not safe to beat them senseless with a ball bat. Anger may be hardwired in, but self preservation is also there. You know that if you completely lose it and beat somebody down then you will go to jail. You do not want to go to jail, so you unconsciously redirect your anger into something else, like shouting. So it's very possible to redirect anger into something that you feel is safe and also effective.

One thing with me, that causes me to show inappropriate anger is when I think that I only have a very short time to act or that if I don't act, then people will think they can walk all over me. That is untrue. I know it's untrue, but I also know that in the heat of the moment, I don't believe it's true. I have found that by appearing calm, no matter how angry I may be inside, I keep the upper hand. When you have the upper hand, you have more control over the situation than they do and more influence about how it's resolved or looked at afterwards.

For me, anger is wanting to get back at that person right then. If I really want to get back at them, is it better to yell at them once and look like a crazy lady or is it better to keep my cool and then take appropriate action after the fact? It's the second one. Keeping my cool does not mean I'm not angry. It doesn't mean I'm not about to bust inside. It simply means that I don't let them see that because it's not to my advantage to do so. Self preservation, if you will.

If you try and think of it, in the heat of the moment, in terms of what is the most effective way of getting back at this person/company, etc, and remembering that if you don't SHOW your anger right then, you have a much better chance of effectively "punishing" them or of getting what you want or deserve or paid for, etc. It's very hard. I don't always manage it. But when I do, it works beautifully.

They also say aspies have a great deal of trouble socializing and making eye contact. I'll go out all night with friends from time to time, and at any point in time I'll stare down anybody. I have AS. It's not a hard and fast rule, and it's not something that you can't learn to control somewhat. I wasn't always social and outgoing and assertive and able to win in a staring contest. I had to learn it. It was harder for me, because of my AS. Same with anger.

I've learned to control my temper. True, its come with age & the loss of my "dream" job. Plus some respect from friends. I can be truly terrifying to others & myself upon those ocasions I do have a melt-down. But it only averages 1 or two a decade now.
But it can be done!
Its a generalization, not a sterotype, really..

Sincerely,
Matthew

Don't be so defeatist. Look I had anger control problems. I actualy hurt a good friend pretty badly when I was a kid becuase I lost control but it has never happened again. You can gain control and If you're young it gets easier with age as your frontal lobe develops

When I am unable (or unwilling) to express myself I start breaking things out of anger. Simply put, less stress = less physical expression of anger.

So I talk a lot, listen to music and sing along in my head (doing it out loud would hurt others..), write some simple script or forum post and talk some more. Sports works, but I don't enjoy the first few minutes so that's hard for me. Seems to work extremely well for others though, and it might be easier to run for 15 minutes than to find a way to vent your emotions when you feel trapped by them.

Then (without all those emotions bottled up) the anger comes but I can control myself for long enough to break things.

Wait, short temper is a characteristic of AS?

How someone reacts to annoyances may differ, and I don't think the DSM lists "short temper".

but ehr... these ARE some direct symptoms.
-low impulse control
-extra sensitivity to sound/light/smell/touch
-lack of emotional awareness (both in self and others)

Google "low frustration threshold" for some examples.