Not being able to "bounce back" from a bad meltdow

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I had a nasty meltdown two weeks ago. It was triggered by being overwhelmed with school & work. It was two weeks before finals, and I had two conference papers due and four finals coming up...and I learned that I was going to have to present those papers at an actual symposium. Then, at work I had a bunch of extra work piled on me.

Anyways...I had a bad meltdown and quit school and almost got fired at work. I have not come back from this yet...I haven't been the same. My stimming is worse...the anxiety and depression is worse...and I have gotten to where I don't even try to act NT anymore. It's like I've developed a "I don't give a flying f*ck" attitude after all of this. I'm not myself.

*Airline stewardess voice*
Welcome to the wonderful world of "nervous breakdown". You now have first-hand experience of "burn-out". Please keep tray tables and seat backs in their upright position... because the longer you try to hold it all together and keep it afloat the worse it gets...


And I'm not trying to be mean, insensitive, sarcastic, etc. this very thing happened to me as well and for about 10 years I kept trying to get it all back, and am right NOW sitting on that damned precipice again....

So look down that demon's mouth, into the abyss... I'm crawling out of it but always with it in my mind lurking around the corner. And I'm not speaking about depression, this is more fundamental than feelings, moods, etc. This is about you and why you are here on this Earth, isn't it?



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I hope you are able to "bounce back" really, but I also know that bouncing back = think of it this way: a spring once sprung loses it's original tension; it can't bounce back quite to what it was before being pulled too much, right? Well, neither can you. You will drive yourself crazy trying to get what you had or "thought you had" which is more accurate.

Real success is knowing yourself and letting that knowledge evolve over time and guide your future decisions. There is a big difference between "I think I can" and "I KNOW I can".

Please find my kindness in my words, I don't mean to offend. Been where you are, back in 2006. Finding my way home again.

Yes, it is about that.

So, yesterday I finally really admitted to myself that I needed to be on anti-anxiety meds at very least, so I made a doc appt for next Wednesday. Do you think that is going to help with the way I feel??

I just came back to delete my post, thinking over it, but now that the message was received correctly I'll add this reply.

It does get better. The best thing about this is that now you will build real coping methods to modulate stress levels in your life. This crap is very humbling at first. I am still hating it but the more I let go of my concept of "how it all should be"--- the better it gets.

And yes, people our age (I turned 35 last Saturday) can have nervous breakdowns, I had mine when I was 29-30.

I look back on it now as a "reorienting" experience... and I'll be damned but my stupid ego still tries to convince me I can do alllllll this stuff!! Listen to your heart instead.

They will make you feel better while you tackle the real issues that cause stress. I'm on a waiting list for intake for meds myself, for ADHD and also Generalized anxiety disorder. I've always smoked pot to deal with stress but in the last year or two I've been uncovering sources of my stress and eliminating THOSE. This is a huge, soul-searching undertaking, you are ready now or can buy some more time to look into things later. Up to you.

Oh, I see. Yeah, I think that is the gist of it...I gauge everything and everyone on what I think it should be or how it should be. When things break my rules I let it freak me out a great deal.

I have no idea if they will give me the meds...I sure hope so. I need some way to ease back into life before I completely lose it and my job.

i never had more than a few hours per week job while i was in school. i can't imagine how hard working and preparing for finals must have been for you.

Your ego sold your body out and now it's time for your body to collect. Simple as that.

I wish I could go back in time and strangle everyone that said that to me, "You can do it, see all these other things you've accomplished"... or better yet, "you're so smart, you can do anything!" Yeah, they can just stuff that crap...

Anyway, sorry I'm not trying to be negative--I've come a long way from that place. Just in irony now I look back at all that was....

You know what? The only one that has to live with you, is you. You do things for your own reasons, okay? You'll kill yourself trying to live up to all these ever-changing standards that were founded on IDEALS in the first place! the only thing that is right for you is the thing that is right for you. Get to a place where you know what's right for you and I'm telling you it will make all of the difference in the world.

edited to add: I'm glad you're sick of pretending, now you can be you in all your infinite glory. Of course, be mindful of others too. Now that I'm more true to myself (it's a life-long process) I attract people that do mean me well and look after me. And I shower them with my affections, inappropriate times or not, I don't care. Yes, I'll walk right up to my friend like she's the only person in the room and give her a hug, I don't care what's going on in there and she just looks at me for a moment and just that one moment, we're real and it's just us there. I'll take a million of those over "faking it and getting places" in the "real world".

One thing, maybe jump ahead in the academic subjects? This might sound counterintuitive, but you make the assumption that you know the material good enough, and you can jump ahead to the next level and/or what really interests you. And this might add some life back onto a course of study, and then if you choose to go back and fill in the details, piece of cake, no problem. And it also kind of gives a person permission to be more nonperfectionist, which I think is usually more productive anyway.

I generally am in favor of better living through chemistry.

I've struggled with bouts of depression, used to be against antidepressants (jerk psychiatrist), refused to take. Now I'm open and they're my backup plan. Here's what I've read:

Something like zoloft might work great for one person, and not do a damn thing for another. That in a respectable sense it is trial and error. So, it might be the 1st antidepressant which helps, the 4th, the 6th. No doctor in the world can predict in advance. Just that biochem is complicated and tends to be different for different people.

Therefore, a person can go to either a psychiatrist or to a regular doctor like an internist or family practitioner. It is entirely a person's choice.

Typically takes a month to tell if an antidepressant is working or not. And sometimes important to phase down in stages even if the thing doesn't seem to be working.

I figure anti-anxiety medications probably also have this trial and error aspect. But I haven't specifically read this.