Small Talk

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What exactly is "small talk"?

Pointless casual conversation between people. Talking for the sake of talking.

As far as I can tell, it's talking about inane subjects that no one actually cares about to fill time and attempt to ingratiate yourself to others, particularly to strangers whom you will likely never see again. But I'm completely incapable of it, so I suppose I wouldn't be the one you'd ask. I've wondered the same thing all my life, and I've stood there and observed people engaging in the behavior and still don't understand how it's done or why people really bother. When people attempt to initiate it with me, it doesn't get much beyond one or two responses from me before the conversation dies a painfully awkward death. If it's someone I'm trying to not offend, I find it best to just smile and nod and say things like "oh really" or parrot back to them part of what they just said as a question, whether I actually care about the response or not. Most people seem perfectly content to keep talking to fill the void and it works better when I don't try to actively participate in the give and take of the conversation.

It's supposed to be this neutral exchange of human pulses. Where I come from, 3 activity categories: (1) labor creditable, (2) fun, (3) waste of time. Thin line between 1 & 2, thin line between 2 & 3, pretty firm boundary between 1 & 3. Asking someone standing next to you "how's the weather?" seems similar to bringing someone's attention to something red then asking "do we see the same red?" Small talk probably originated in a time when everyone needed to quickly access the probability of violence or not, as if someone couldn't ask you "how's the weather?" then hit you anyway. My tolerance for small talk is zip.

Just out of curiosity, what does "labor creditable" mean?

Thank you for the responses.

From what I read here, and on an article online about small talk, I very rarely partake in small talk. In the few occasions in my life that I have, I distinctly remember using my Conversation Escape Protocols.

Small talk is the same as hearing fingernails scraping a chalkboard. No, wait. It's the equivalent of sitting in a room with 100 crying babies waiting to be fed.

^ from what I've heard about it, I agree.

Small talk is simple talk. It can be about the weather, sports, movies.

Small talk is casual conversation. I think it mostly functions as a way for people find normalcy and a sense of belonging in a group. Not a requirement for a lot of us, but useful when navigating social situations.

Talk that you have to use in let's say a work environment in the staff room, your next door neighbour, relatives, friends, it could be anyone really. It's basically pointless filler stuff so the neurotypical person doesn't feel awkward by not talking. Some topic examples are the weather, where do you live, how old are you, do you have any kids, how was your weekend, what are you doing this weekend, how is/was your day, etc. Pointless stuff like that.

The epitome of idiotic NT behaviour.

To me, small talk is just talking for the sake of talking, normally with those not so familiar to you. Discussing things like the weather, the news, sport and such. I can do it just fine if I needed to, but try and avoid it as I find it very irritating to do as its simply a waste of time. When I'm talking to someone, I would ideally be engaging in conversation with a topic of interest to discuss, not just a pointless filler of silence.

Someone once told me that small talk is a necessary evil to form a relationship with people. At first you dont know them well, and then you can't ask too personal questions, or devulge too much of your own personal history, and you have to small talk and sneak a few not-so-personal stories in, and hope they will do the same, to build up some kinda basic trust/bond. After a few conversations you can start to share more and more, and ask more and more personal questions. This woman who told me this does not enjoy small talk, but she employs it with an end goal in mind, namely she wants to form a relationship with the other person.

It's boring, it's hard, but it's the way to make friends..sadly.

My best friend, who's an NT and knows me since we were in kindergarten, recently told me that she was surprised that she never saw me once during all these years engaging in small talk. She also told me that there have been a few situations when, instead of making small talk, I picked up a subject that was part of the social chit-chat and turned it into a very serious discussion. It seemed that I was unaware that such thing as small talk even existed. I'm 25 years old and up until now I didn't even grasp the fact that people are engaging so much in it. I always assumed that people were intent on discussing the topics they were chatting about...

So I don't really get small talk. I find it boring and useless. I'd rather partake in a debate or a serious discussion. I'd rather listen to people talking about whatever is interesting to them - there's always so much to learn (too bad that NTs are seldom that passionate about something the way we are with our special interests).

But, to NTs, small talk is a nice and relaxing pastime. According to my friend, it's a way to get to know the other person better, to find out what they like, who they are - as a means to engage in a more meaningful interaction or conversation later on. Now, let's now forget that NT communication is always very focused on the social and interpersonal elements and less on the actual message conveyed. Small talk, after all, is an act of communication where message/content = 0, while the social, emotional and contextual elements retain their value. To us, such a communication, stripped of content, is pointless - but the NTs are able to appreciate the social and emotional context, so that's what makes it meaningful to them...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Smalltalk? Actually that was a pretty good programming language years ago.

Oh, you mean that annoying smalltalk. Horrible stuff. Especially hate it when it gets in my ears.