You don't seem that weird or unusual to me. Have you ever taken any personality tests, such as the Myers-Briggs or the Enneagrams? Do you have a vision or hearing problem? A learning disability perhaps? What's your IQ, and specifically your Wechsler test profile? Maybe you are very gifted. Maybe not necessarily in the academic sense, but musically, creatively, or otherwise.
I can't directly identify with your issues, although my sense is that you might have been a misfit and troublemaker when you were younger because of a legitimate medical or learning related problem of whatever nature, were simply too smart and talented for the environment you were placed in, or perhaps a combination of the two. You may not (and probably don't) have Aspergers, and should trust your judgment, and not have any psychologist slot you into a diagnosis.
GreenGuy wrote:
I know this is probably the millionth thread like this an none of you can give an official diagnosis, I know.
Alright, where to start...
I'm currently 22, male and finishing up my bachelors in computer information systems. I guess I’m here because my of my step-mother. She’s a nurse and has apparently told my father multiple times that she thinks I have aspergers, although the only thing she’s really mentioned in support of this is me not making eye contact when I was younger. None the less she is very insistent upon it and it got me looking into it more closely. (I personally don't think I have it)
As a child I was diagnosed with ODD and depression. While I disagree with the depression diagnosis and stopped taking my prescription in my early teens I do agree with the ODD diagnosis. I actively defied authority figures, would blame my mistakes on others and generally was an angry, vindictive, manipulative child. I was suspended from school nearly 2 dozen times between 1st and 8th grade, nearly being expelled once for the only time I was ever actually violent. A medical record I have describes me as ‘a sad, lonely child whose vocabulary and imaginative stories gives the impression of high intelligence while juxtaposed to academic problems.’ I admit to having anger problems back then, although I'm fairly happy and stable now.
Early on I was a very poor student and I took special classes to learn to read. During the first few grades they quickly learned they would have difficulty getting me to go along with the class and I was generally left to my own devices, usually drawing various inventions. I was put on a special education plan for a period and had an ‘aide’ for several years. Eventually during 10th grade, after a few years without an aid or special treatment they tested/evaluated me and found no reason for me to be on it. (they did test me as having a 14th grade, which I thought was funny since I had a difficult time learning originally)
My class participation improved somewhat as time went on, but I still failed nearly every class up until high school. During this period I normally would have one friend with whom we’d hang around regularly with outside of school and maybe one or two other friends just in school. The only time this changed was in late middle school when I had a group of about 5 friends, although I generally only hung out with a couple outside of school. It remained that way throughout highschool. Now I generally only hang out with one friend outside of college and have a few friends/acquaintances from my department.
I know I don’t have the best social skills in the world I don’t consider myself debilitated because of them. I’m a cashier, work with the public constantly and I consider myself to be pretty good at it and enjoy it. I certainly don’t think I lack empathy or theory of mind. I remember feeling sad and crying just because my cousin was crying. I even remember the moment I first considered that other people have a perspective like mine. I am certainly very uncomfortable around strong displays of emotion, not really knowing how to best respond and feeling incredibly awkward comforting people, but I can’t imagine many find those situations easy. In terms of romance I’ve only gone out with one girl on a couple of dates and it never really went anywhere.
I’m not the biggest fan of people either. I’ll usually try to go food shopping at night when there are fewer people, but more out of annoyance of people getting in my way than anxiety about social interaction. I like to be in and out. When it comes to making friends I feel I suffer from not being interested in the usual things my generation likes. I don’t listen to much music, hate reality TV, don’t like parties, etc. Often I find those that do share my interests to annoy me in other ways: anime nerds put me off, a lot of computer/game nerds seem awkward even to me and other nature loving people come off as being super liberal vegan types.
In terms of sensory stuff as a kid I was a very picky eater and had an aversion to loud noises. Now I’ll basically eat anything (squid, haggis, etc.) although I do have an almost gad reflex to the textures of certain foods occasionally when I swallow. I still don’t like loud noises or music, like I recently went to an AHL hockey game with some friends and was annoyed by how loud it was. I think movie theaters speakers are too loud as well. In terms of touch I’ll sometimes get annoyed with how my clothes are fitting or get annoyed by the feeling of my bangs on my forehead if I let them get too long, but thats it.
For special interests I feel I’ve got some range. This past year I started watching ice hockey and I’m getting into that a bit. My major is computer information systems and I’ve got a decent interest in computers, electronics, video games. I’m also a bit of a foodie so I enjoy cooking and baking, I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to that.
Sort of an extension of my food interest and desire for self-sufficiency is an interest in agriculture, nature and climate. Last year I started a small garden in a neighbors overgrown yard and really enjoyed that. For the last two years I’ve made maple syrup, and this fall I’ll probably be collecting shag-bark hickory nuts (supposedly tasty and are closely related to my favorite nut, pecans). I’m still looking for some yellow or black birch to use in distilling some birch oil for making birch beer (great soda and an excuse to use my universities chemistry equipment). So I have a decent knowledge of local species of plants and animals.
When I’ve got the spare time I enjoy reading as well, mostly Poe, Lovecraft or Terry Pratchett(author of a series of comedy fantasy books) I enjoy debating about things, politics and current issues are a very common subject with my friends and family.
I could probably go on but I think this little essay is big enough for now. I really don't know how much to cover or discuss.
Any thoughts?
14 May 2012, 2:30 pm
