What must the kids be thinking?

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When they don't/rarely express what they think/feel, it becomes such an unsolved mystery! On hindsight I think I was so ill-equipped in understanding my daughter when she at around 2yrs cried herself to sleep at times during therapies pushed and exhausted and worn. Now when I doodle a cartoon about it really brings tears to my eyes when I think about the disconnect I felt not understanding how she must have felt... feel so full of self-doubt even now. Do grownups with autism have any childhood memories to share - when as small kids they howled and protested and the adults around just didn't get it?

On the lighter side, from the kid's point of view we could all be such attention seekers! New GUWA toon - http://growingupwithautism.com/2012/05/16/look-at-me/

oh yes. papa used to yell at me when i cried. (he still does).

I'd say it'll be beneficial to parents on some level to know what their kids are really thinking at certain moments, even if it'll be unpleasant to read at first. Not everything in life is all cute bunnies, rainbows, and cuddly kittens. At the minimum, it'll help dispel the myth that childhood is enjoyable. There's absolutely nothing enjoyable about having people superior to you in every way directing your life however they please, even if it is for your own good. If anything, childhood is god's (or nature's, or whoever's) way of hazing you before letting you truly enjoy the benefits and freedoms of being an adult.

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I would argue that these people superior to them in every way are in fact not superior at all. Though as a child I remember certainly feeling like some people were superior because I internalized the idea I was not adequate enough of whatever that was pushed on me by teachers and students who found bullying fun. Well even to this day I really have no self esteem

As for what kids are thinking, I know a lot of times I got the feeling it was unsafe to always be open about how I felt...so that is a possible thought that can contribute to keeping quiet about thoughts. And I don't know my childhood was not all that great, but it seems like some people do actually describe having a more positive childhood.

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I think I would PAY to know what my son is thinking....please do post what you remember thinking about as a kid, it wil be very helpful!

*hugs*

Because you need them, and the comics made me laugh and smile, and I think I'll come back to them the next time I'm so fed up and tired I'm ready to chuck it.

Oh, gods-- The self-doubt that goes with parenting ANY child, multiplied a thousandfold when parent or child or both don't have the solace of safety in numbers. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it SUCKS.

I can share lots of memories of times that people just didn't get it, and how much it hurt, and all that...

...but, honestly, I think the more important thing is that I can share that I survived. I learned, I grew, I lived, I turned out for the most part OK.

Nobody gets through childhood without pains and scars and miseries. If, by some miracle, they do, they're in for one hell of a sh***y adulthood.

You're doing one right thing-- watching and listening and trying to understand. That's more than most parents of my generation gave kids-- autistic or otherwise. That's sweet. I think it will make more difference than you want to give it credit for-- it will just take a lot of time to see and to know, and when you love someone, waiting to find out really, really, really sucks.

Hang in there. Watch. Listen. DON'T KICK YOURSELF FOR THE PAST. We are all learners in this arena; from the point of view of someone who grew up autistic and now believes rather strongly that she's raising at least one autistic child, if you can remember that, you are well ahead of the game.

This!

I think that this thread should be devoted to problems of autistic children and how parents can understand and help instead of how hoohoo woowoo eberrything was for us as kids. In order to solve problems, you have to know what they are first, not see no evil hear no evil speak no evil. Stop correcting me when I misspell things, iPad. Telling the truth from the kids perspectives doesn't make the parents bad parents.

One of my problems as a kid was going to get my picture taken at the photography studio. The lights were too much for me, and I would have berserker meltdowns that my parents couldn't understand and blamed on me being bad on purpose. I was only able to tell them the truth as an adult, and it finally made sense to them for the first time.

I don't remember thinking anything at all when I howled and screamed, and when whatever caused the meltdown was gone, I became purrrfurrrtly happy again, with bunnies, kitties, and rainbows eberrywhere.

On this parents forum, if the parents want to get useful information to help ther kids, it's a good idear to take things at face value instead of reading between the lines to find negatives that are only there in some minds and not others.

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<< Moved, from parents forum, to GAD >>

I had many moments like that, and many that I hope your child never experiences - I doubt she will (hopefully never has - no idea how old she is from your post), because a big reason I had issues, especially in the ages of 5-11, was the horrible "help" I was getting, where they were trying to force me to not stim, treating me negatively or punishing me for doing my compulsive movements which I must do or it feels like literally the worst thing -ever- is going to happen, as completely illogical as that sounds, and feels (especially now as an adult). All sorts of improper "help" on top of that.

As a child I of course protested to many things. Almost always though, I had difficulty or inability to express what I was feeling (I still have large problems doing this). The type of stuff your daughter is feeling, for me at least, is an ineffable experience - an experience which cannot truly be expressed in words. The way I described it to my parents at the time was simply saying "I'm confused", just standing in the hallway or something crying.

Much of what made me so distraught was the compulsive movements and rituals and such which I did not always like, yet still felt compelled to do, or the -worst thing ever- (don't know what it is, I just know it would be the worst thing/things that could ever happen) would happen. One such thing, which brought up issues at bedtime, was the fact that I had to sleep with my covers completely pulled over my head, in a -very- specific manner. Getting the sheets pulled over my head perfectly correctly took a long time, sometimes an hour or much more. Once everything was perfectly adjusted, it was all rather uncomfortable, which made it hard to fall asleep. On top of that I often had racing RACING thoughts, probably at least partially due to the sensory deprivation of trying to fall asleep.

Your daughter could be going through much different things though - everyone with Autism has a different manifestation of it.

But I think your daughter will turn out fine, whatever she is going through. All children need to go through difficulties in childhood, in order to learn what they need to in order to function as adults, and this goes even more for autistic children, who must go through many difficulties in order to function as autistic adults. Just be aware of areas where she may have issues, keep reading the words of autistic adults, and so on. I wish my parents had had the opportunity to check out a place like WP when I was a kid.

I too have felt nothing but self-doubt every since my child was born. I've never known how to deal with her...although, she's now 11 and is fine thus far. I have said...probably a hundred times that I am an inadequate parent and I am one of those who should have never procreated (although it wasn't intentional). I love her very much, but have this huge disconnect with her at times. I'm not too sure how her puberty stage is going to go...I'm not sure if I'll survive her mood swings and such.

At two years old, kids are trying to regulate their emotions and when they get tired or overstimulated, their response is to cry until they get a chance to recharge by taking a nap, or they could be getting sick with a virus or something when they are crying a lot. Best thing to do is let them rest a few hours everyday in the late afternoon or evenings. This will help a lot. Regular naps can keep everyone on good terms.

My daughter is 4 and now a very happy kid. But it wasn't so earlier. Some remnants of anxiety still remain but it was really very strong for a year when even far-away human voices let alone coming face-face would trigger meltdowns. Opening doors, facing walls, small rooms, corridors, parking the car, plus a million other things would set her off. I still question if this fear came from all the intervention that was happening. Because once the 4-6hr/day therapy stopped, she relaxed and then took almost a year to recover to how she is now. That said, I wouldn't have done without the intervention either. There were so many issues that needed to be addressed. What I wonder now is if we could have done any better. It really helps to keep the past in mind, not with regret but as a learning space where I can remember what worked and what didn't. She was small then and just cried... so really I would give anything to know what kids go through especially when they are super aware of what's going on. They must think adults are so stupid for not having understood them, no?

Btw, my new cartoon is up Enjoy! - http://growingupwithautism.com/2012/05/ ... ons-right/

I just remember that everyone was stupid and wrong and didn't understand anything and everyone was against me. Just a sense of wrongness that other people could not understand (this is while I was having meltdowns).

Also, running around in circles making noises to supplement the movies I played in my head. The sound of making an explosion in my head was never satisfactory. I wouldn't say I have stopped doing this, just learned to control myself.