I thought I had AS, but have doubts.

Post Reply New Topic

About the time I first joined this site, I had been suspecting that I had AS because I have quite a few symptoms but have never actually been diagnosed. The thing is, I think I am just somewhere in the middle, or at least close to the middle, between being an Aspie and an NT since I also have quite a few Nt traits. I took an Aspie Quiz and my Aspie score was 125/200 and my NT score was 93/200. So at the moment I have no idea what I really am or what I might have.

I actually wish I could just be one or the other instead of both. I wish I could either have more Aspie traits or none at all because it is irritating to be both at the same time. I have been considering getting diagnosed for a while, but am not sure what I will find out. Because I have always been considered "strange" and never had a reason why. I'm not sure if I would be able to afford getting diagnosed either.

Alfonso, I have no idea man. What would it mean to you if you did have aspergers and, what would it mean to you if you didn't have aspergers?

Take some more tests to reassure yourself.

MacLean Screening Instrument for BPD
HAD-scale
Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale
The Autism Spectrum Quotient test
Empathy Quotient
Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R)
Autism Spectrum Screening Questionnaire (ASSQ)
IQ
OAQ-G2

If I did have it or did not have it, I wouldn't be a mixture anymore. The thing is, because of being a mixture, I never really felt like I completely fit in anywhere. Most other people and I have always been too different, but when I finally thought I had a reason and I came here, for some reason, all because I don't seem to have all the symptoms, I feel like if I can't fit in inside of an Aspie community, I can't really fit in anywhere.

I think that the thing having AS is that Aspies don't really fit in anywhere.

Personally, I like being a "both", or in between. It's like the best of both words.

You aren't alone in being in that not NT, not fully aspie range. There's others of us out there.

You know you don't have to have all the symptoms, right? I'd known about Asperger's for a long time, but only after I watched a video on Youtube about a kid describing his Asperger's did I realize that. If there are people that have every single symptom, they're probably very rare. It's actually quite common to have some, but not all. Think of the list of symptoms as a checklist where as long as you have a certain number of them checked, it counts.

According to one test, I have "some AS" and "some NT" traits. But after taking many more tests, I've found that that test was the outlier for me. I'm on the Autistic/broader autistic phenotype, for example. I'm also an Extreme Systemizer and I rated a 27 on the ASQ (which is two points above the lowest threshold for Asperger's.) You can find all these tests as well as more here- http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html

Also keep in mind that as you get older, you develop more coping skills. Asperger's is notoriously difficult to diagnose in adults for that very reason. When I was a kid I had a lot more trouble understanding rhetorical questions, I couldn't regulate the tone of my voice, I had trouble keeping eye-contact, and I wasn't very expressive (my mom always yelled at me to "smile already" or "stop being a sourpuss!" even when I was happy.) I have improved on all of those. Some took conscious practice. But like you, I was never diagnosed, either. I had to pick up all those skills and make it through the rough patches on my own, without any help. I don't recommend getting an official diagnosis now unless you find your AS gives you significant difficulties that you would need a therapist or medication to help you with. If you're doubting you have it, however, it sounds like you're getting along just fine. Yes, a diagnosis would bring peace of mind, but it would literally cost you in the long run. (A friend of mine said his insurance costs quadrupled after he got a diagnosis!)

One more thing I'd recommend- just keep reading around this site. Particularly read the "You Know You're An Aspie If..." thread. If you find yourself relating to most of them, then relax; we understand what you're going through.

The easiest way to tell definitively is to look up the criteria for Asperger's in the DSM IV. You can find it everywhere online, and it has very specific guidelines for how many of which type of symptoms someone needs to have to fit the AS diagnosis. I've never been officially diagnosed either, but I think it's pretty much the primary tool doctors use for diagnosing people, so technically you can do it yourself (somebody let me know if that's wrong though).

I did check out the criteria and I realized, I have the minimum requirements for a diagnosis. I did do some research about the DSM V what is supposed to be available in 2013, not sure when exactly, but the requirements for a diagnosis are supposed to be far more strict, at least that is what I was reading anyway.

I think it's quite possible to be autistic (read: BAP), yet not be "clinically impaired" to the point that a full diagnosis is required. I call it functional-AS. Psychologists are always fond of adding "functional" to diagnoses.

I am not sure how functional I would be considered since I completely avoid people as much as I possibly can. And the idea of doing a job interview is terrifying for me.

I was the same when I read about Aspergers - I felt some of it didn't apply to me but I ended up with a diagnosis, which I didn't seek out.

I think it all depends on whether you relate to the diagnosis or not - it's entirely a matter of choice as to whether you choose to identify your set of behavioural traits as Aspergers or just you as an individual.

Alfonso, I felt a confused by that aspie test, too. Many of the questions are vague and open to interpretation, especially ones that ask "do you do X?". Does that mean ever? Often? More often than the average person? The first time I took it I answered conservatively, downplaying any mild traits that I considered "within the normal range". It told me I've very likely NT. Out of curiosity I took the test again, this time trying to include any AS traits, even if mild. It told me I'm very likely an Aspie.

Reading this forum is what helped to convince me I really have AS, because there are just too many little things that fit too well for it to all be a coincidence. But I'd suggest you come to terms with the idea that you may never know for sure - and that's OK. Hey, even an official diagnosis is still an opinion, not a mathematical proof. I don't need one of those for any legal purposes, so I've just accepted that even if I'm not "officially" an Aspie I'm very much like one. For all practical purposes I could say I have AS.

That sounds like a pretty strong Aspie trait and in my (completely unqualified) opinion that would be "clinically significant impairment" right there.

So if you used to believe you have AS what prompted you to doubt it now? Just the test or something else?

Last edited by FMX on 29 May 2012, 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's a good point. In the end, it really is all just opinion. The hardest part would be trying to convince somebody else that you're an Aspie, since some people are so stubborn that they don't want to accept anything less than a full diagnosis from a professional.

Having a diagnosis may help you with your job prospects, though. Many places seek to hire a certain amount of people with a disability. If the social problem is so strong that it interferes with your ability to get work, that could very well count. You may be eligible to request certain working conditions or acquire benefits, depending on the situation. Just something else to keep in mind.

Alfonso, if you've felt different your whole life, you may never shake that feeling. I've felt lonely my whole life and I'm a very socialable NT and funny person, I have a lot of friends, yet I still feel lonely. It may never go away.

Also, this site has a culture and there is etique for fitting in (I've had trouble before).

What brought you to wrong planet in the first place? How did you come to imagine you might have aspergers?

What caused me to doubt was realizing how many people with it have symptoms that I don't have and I ended up feeling like I needed those symptoms to be an Aspie, I was afraid to call myself one without them, but I realized that everyone who has it is affected differently. So not everyone will have the same symptoms.