Aspergers Gets More Noticeable The Older You Get

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I have been thinking on this subject quite a bit lately and for me it is very true. When I was younger in my 20s and 30s I didn't stand out as much because it was very common for people in that age group not to be married. Now that I am in my 50s, I'm still not married and I live by myself. While my peers talk about wives and their children and grandchildren, I have nothing to contribute. Living in the rural South, I find most people here know very little about HFA.

Being single may be more unusual in your 50s than in your 20s and 30s, but do you think your behaviour or your coping has changed much with age?

(I am in my 50s, and was only diagnosed a couple of years ago, so I am finding it hard to tell if I am really "getting worse" or merely discovering or noticing my Aspie self more these days).

I'm in my late 20s, but my aspie traits are more apparent now than they were ten years ago. I don't think it's so much that they've gotten worse, but now that I'm in the "real world," I find myself in more situations that push the limits of my social skills, and make some of my quirks more apparent.

I personally find the opposite. When I was younger one of my teachers thought I had full-blown autism. Nowadays I'm able to fit in much better than I ever have been able to in the past. I still have pretty bad social skills, but they have certainly improved a ton and are continuously getting better as I work on developing them!

As for being single in your 50s, that isn't all that uncommon, although never being married may stand out to some people. I also live in the south and even though I'm in my mid-20s everyone I know pretty much is already married with kids lol, and I'll be honest that it is a bit of a reality check for me given my lack of romantic success.

I honestly feel my coping skills are improving. I too was diagnosed later in life. I feel my awareness about the limitations of having HFA is improving. I find myself developing more of a f*** you attitude about having HFA. I am what I am; this is how I was born. If someone can't accept me for who I am, I don't have time for them. I also find myself bristling when someone (especially those I don't know) refers to me as "buddy" such as hey buddy, excuse me buddy, etc.

response to one-A-N's post

For me some of the hardcore features seemed to go to sleep for a while and I identified more as ADD to new people when I was on the 'fake it till you make it' path. Now that I've been on an ADD med for a couple of years I feel that's what has been pulling some of the old isms back up to the surface, which I'd rather deal with than some of the side effects from other medications

Don't you know that HFA doesn't exist in the soft-drawling South? (sarcasm) Not ever being married isn't all that uncommon. Some of the nicest (probably NT) people I've known have never been married. Maybe never partnering might be seen by some as aberrant. What, nobody wanted you? There must be a reason for that. Maybe you're too superficial, or maybe you're shady. Maybe you don't have a hot wife because you just don't have enough confidence. (more sarcasm)

This is the first time I've posted on here since my dad's girlfriend died in a nursing home. What is it about any other person that makes them any more or less worthy of a spouse than any of the old or dying people? Maybe the whole "hotness", romance and lust thing is really just a perversion of the human condition and our understanding of it.

Now you are in the trend. Isn't this what all the magazines are selling nowadays? Supposedly people are getting done w/ getting strapped to spouses?

That observed, it's my experience what career and "lifestyle" situation a person locks into often emphasizes or deemphasizes Asperger traits. I found a lot life getting thrown my way in my middle years and I often passed as NT, sink or swim, but now w/ many pressures off, I see that weird little kid emerging all over again. Then again, my ex-wife would tell you my "special interests" were the end of her patience. She still berates me in my dreams, 5 years later; I hope she goes away soon.

Opposite experience here.

I'm sure I was much more of a jerk from puberty until my mid-40s. Of course I notice it more these days, having been diagnosed recently, but my coping strategies mostly work quite well.

I'm probably more reclusive than before, but I don't see that as a bad thing.

Nothing has really changed except as I get older I tend to hide my Aspergers less, so it may appear that I have it more…

Although it's more common in middle-aged people to be married and have kids, I still know a lot of middle-aged people who aren't married and haven't got any kids and live on their own, and nobody else minds or cares. Anyway, people who do get married these days don't seem to stay together for very long and end up single again, so it's not too much to worry about. I'm more ashamed of the fact that I've been on job-seekers and haven't even got a job yet, and I've noticed people at my voluntary job have been critical of that. Cheek.

My autism itself didn't get more noticeable throughout the last 24 years. Some autistic impairments got less and others I learnt to work around.

Upon reading the first post, I do however agree that some of the effects of being different on living-circumstances are called seem to become more noticeable with age.

Not yet living on your own at ages 15, 20 and even 24 is fine with almost everyone I met but once someone is age 30 and still lives at home (but not to take care of their parents, for example), the same people gossip about it and say that this is weird.

http://adultchildrenlivingathome.com/bl ... ws/page/4/

I smile every time I see your user name, I love it

Some of my older habits & stims have resurfaced over the last 5 years. I cannot however say that I have goten worse. I have become a lot more self-aware, which might count as an improvement actually..

Sincerely,
Matthew

I think when I was younger I was viewed as sort of cute and quirky. I started exploring asperger's as a possible diagnosis in part because, now that I'm older, with a "real" job and a teenage son, people seem to have very different expectations of me, which I definitely don't meet. I look and act younger than I am, and my social skills are mediocre at best. I don't understand workplace politics at all, which can be an issue. It became apparent to me that people at work found me particularly odd socially. Luckily, I'm good at what I do, and over time my co-workers seem to have accepted that I'm eccentric, but handy to have around. But wondering why they all seemed to think I was so weird, along with a suggestion from a friend, got me exploring asperger's. Anyway, this sort of thing definitely didn't happen when I was 22 and working in coffee shops, when all my co-workers had pink hair or mohawks, and I fit right in, albeit a bit awkwardly. I live in the south, too, and I feel like I get asked if I'm married five times a week, and people are always distressed that I'm neither married nor attempting to get married. What's up with that? It seems kind of sexist and uncool to me.