I have cognitive empathy but no emotional empathy

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I'm new here, hello.
I did a lot of reading about Aspergers. Apparently Aspis have a lack of empathy. Looking at myself I think I have empathy but it's only cognitive. I often pick up if people around feel bad, have a bad day - but I can't really relate. So I often approach their pain with logic which doesn't go well.
Any similar experiences?

<----- Doesn't understand empathy or sympathy at all. Didn't even know there were different kinds of empathy.

Lack of empathy in Autistics is a lie. Most people only have empathy for those in similar situations to them, which is why NTs don't understand us, except for those who have or had to deal with an Autistic person themselves (eg., relative with Autism, job as a carer with Autistic people, et cetera). People with no idea at all of what Autism is don't give a s**t about our feelings. Some don't even know what Autism is.
And, like NTs have empathy for other NTs similar to them, Autistics also have empathy for other Autistics. WP is one proof of this. Often we can relate and I often see posts saying ''yes, I know how you feel because that's exactly what I went through....'' or something similar along those lines, and that's how threads are increased.

So how can people say Autistics lack empathy? If NTs had empathy then we would be much more understood.

I definitely lack natural empathy but have learned it with a form of reasoning so I can understand and emulate it. I can appear empathic when prompted but it feels awkward as hell to me. It's like speaking another language and you're not fluent in it.

I have empathy, though i really do not understand it. Though I only have empathy if i can and know how to relate, like ive been in a similar situation or the same one.

Like i know what its like to lose someone, but ive never cried, recently a distant friend n classmate had her children killed n when i found out i couldnt stop crying. I didnt understand why i was crying but for what i know i was doing was using empathy and sympathising with her even though she was not around at the time.

I still dont understand why i smile back when another person smiles at me i just tell myself its polite to do so.

There's a plethora of different definitions of empathy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy#Th ... definition

But Baron-Cohen definition looks like the relevent one here:
Empathy is about spontaneously and naturally tuning into the other person's thoughts and feelings, whatever these might be [...]There are two major elements to empathy. The first is the cognitive component: Understanding the others feelings and the ability to take their perspective [...] the second element to empathy is the affective component. This is an observer's appropriate emotional response to another person's emotional state.

Probably you knew that already from your reading. Either way, I would hope that Baron-Cohen has written about it in more detail, so there might be clues for you in that, assuming again that you aren't already on the case.

I have trouible with both components. I've made enormous strides with the cognitive part, so that (considering I'm male) I can be remarkably perceptive, reading between the lines and all, at least for some things, though it's often very slow and I'm sure I still overlook a lot of really important things. As for the appropriate emotional response, alexithymia makes it difficult to know what the heck I do feel. Just like the cognitive part, the affective part can take time. Sometimes I've been fazed by my own compassion, if I see somebody rejected, lonely, insecure.......usually it's the feelings I had a lot of in my childhood. If my feelings get too strong, I freeze in the headlghts and can't help until I've come to terms with it. When I became a father, I used to get very angry if a small child of about my son's age was getting bullied. Don't know if that's empathy or a different mechanism. But parenthood does rather change things, being responsible for a child's sense of well-being.

What I'd like to know more about is, what would be an "appropriate emotional response to another person's emotional state" ?? I've read books saying that just because somebody you love is feeling bad, doesn't mean to say you have to feel bad too. But what am I supposed to feel, and how do I know when we feel that way? And I know what it is to feel somebody else's pain.

<---- Lacks empathy, but still does not like to see people hurt or in pain. But will never cry during an emotional part of a movie, probably giggle instead.

But I had no clue there were other forms of empathy...

I suggest reading this thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt169811.html

I think people need to recognize that people think and internalize things differently. I have found that the people who lots of times "appear" caring are really not that way at all.

I have the ability to do the different types of empathy, but I mostly do the cognitive version only. I can understand what someone is going through and feeling, but most of the time I don't really feel it myself. I do feel sorry that they are having a problem, but don't share their upsetness most of the time. In addition to having cognitive empathy, I also get really ticked off when I read or hear about something bad happening to someone due to the actions of a criminal who should have been in jail, or executed prior to the crime involved, but was let out/off by stupid judges. I think this getting so ticked off is partly due to my logic center. If you already know someone is bad, and already have enough on them to jail or execute them, my logic center can't understand, and can't stand when moronic judges let them out, so they can commit more crimes, and hurt or kill more people, instead. That really bugs the He11 out of me. You'd think someone with the advanced education of a judge would have more sense. Unfortunately, a good education and common sense are not always present together.