Suicide among our group

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I have been saying all along that as long as I don't have suicidal tendencies, I will not get psychiatric help. But, last night I was thinking about hanging myself in my shed with the doors closed. I am very depressed right now and am in tears because the questions I ask get laughter or get ignored. And I know my complaint to our Mayor will also fall on deaf ears ignoring me. I can take "no" or even "maybe" for answer, but I have a lot of trouble with being ignored or laughed at for asking something bizarre in their minds, just because it isn't done in my crumby town full of heartless people. I'm beginning to see how little people care about HFAs, ASD, Aspergers and others when finding work or giving them training.

How many of you has had feelings of worthlessness with suicide on your minds? Would love to hear from you.

The reason why they are heartless towards you is because they don't like difference. They want to stamp you down to quench their primal lust for superiority over people they deem less worthy than themselves. I would start an Autism movement but I don't have the funds and I'm only a 13 year old boy with Aspergers and ADHD. If you can move to a place where people are nicer. Also do not tell strangers about you having AS because they may belittle you for it. If you have any friends with AS or any form of autism try to work together with them to raise awareness in a positive way.

This is why the word autism is not allowed on XBOX LIVE. Bill Gates is aware of the fact that people degrade us because we are different but the bad news is Aspie/Autie gamers can't promote themselves.

And all of us on WP will NEVER ignore you, NEVER degrade you and we will NEVER make you or anyone sad because most of us have gone through enough sadness already.

Thoughts of suicide are kind of routine for me, and I've had them for years. As I teenager, I was practically obsessed with it. I posted a lot on the alt.suicide.holiday newsgroup and knew all about different methods and such. Morbid, I know. I have seriously considered it, so I guess I just wanted to learn everything I could about it.

As I've grown older, my suicidal thoughts have become less of a problem. But they do happen now and then, when I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. Sometimes it seems like life is just not worth it. I get frustrated with other people, I try my best, but I always feel like a fish out of water amongst NTs.

It seems like I just wasn't made for this world, so why not just remove myself from it? That's how I think sometimes...

Thinking of Suicide is not the major problem I have.
Being too afraid to go through with it is the real problem.

Thinking of dying and wanting to die but not being brave enough to do it is torture.


I am terrified of pain and discomfort death does not scare me.

I have tried to kill myself with the bag over the head method several times now and I always wuss out when I am struggling for air.

I am not afraid of being dead I am afraid of making a mess of it.

I would never admit any of this to an NT.

I am just being honest life sucks most of the time and looking on the bright side does not cut it,

Asperger's has made a total mess of my life and I can not see things getting better going forward.

When people are really depressed the only support on offer is talking them out of it.

If a person really wants to die a painless method on offer would takeaway a lot of stress.

I've wished that I never existed, that I'd never been born, that I would just die in an accident...

But I made a pact with myself not to turn to suicide as an answer, because if I do there's no taking it back and who is to say that things might not get better one day, even if I have to go through the most painful s**t in the world? It's more philosophical than anything, I suppose, but it keeps me from going down that thought trail.

Even with that I've had plenty of daydreams about getting rid of myself.

I have been in the workforce for all my life until I retired and had some really good jobs even operating a forklift for 6 or 7 years. I am self supporting and drive. And I don't tell strangers about my Autism not even in this last case. But, just by the reaction I get from people and the snide remarks such as "I look ret*d" tells me that people think I'm different. Our mayor isn't exactly a stranger and that is why I told him I have HFA because of the reactions I have been getting.

In my own personal opinion, many people with autism are much better workers than normal people. I also did jobs that men wouldn't even do, so I had a hard life in some of the places I worked in. I also worked at the Unemployment office for almost a year. Though they didn't want me to leave, office work just isn't my cup of tea. It's been a real struggle for me to get in and stay in the workforce. But once a business or company gives me a chance they see what I can do and they don't want me to leave. I'm looking for part time work that is outside, but I will have a very tall hill to climb which feels more like a mountain.

I have been bringing Autism Awareness to all those who friended me on facebook who lives in my town and other websites where it counts. I may get something going off line as well.

One of my Autism major traits is I'm out of my comfort zone big time when I'm forced to make changes in my life whether moving from one location to another or moving from one task on the job to another task. I've been through a lot over the years. I have lived in my current residence for more than 30 years. You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. I sure hope everything turns out better for you since more people are aware of Autism and Aspergers. Very little was know about Autism and parents would rather have their children put in a mental institution, like what almost happend to me. I do remember taking all of those damn tests at the psychiatrist office as a child. And of course I took more tests pertaining to my Autism to find out what I was about.



Thank you for your kind words and having such a good understanding about Autism, Aspergers and other problems. You are very dedicated to the cause and I wish you great success. But, as long as we have people out there who belittle us, put us down and look at us as ret*ds, nothing is going to change. And yes, my brother has picked on me for years and hoping he would have a little more compassion, I told him that I have Autism. But, nothing has changed.

At least you mother isn't saying this. My mother echoed the same words about me shortly before she passed away.



It's been a very long time since I've had these suicidal feelings until this last s**t.

Yes! Things will get better!! We never know when, and things might get worse first, but eventually things will get better! Hang on to that hope!

Also if you are feeling suicidal please call the suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK). They can help you!
Please don't go through with it. . .my best friend killed herself in college so I know how painful it is for the survivors, even if you don't think anyone cares, somebody does care!

Kill321 is very smart for a 13-year old (actually, kid, I am really impressed by your maturity--sorry to call ya kid, but i call everyone under 25 kid--including myself when I was 25--I don't mean it in a derogatory way).

I hope not to offend you guys, but I will pray for things to get better for you all

Thank you for the suicide Hotline number. I copied and pasted it in a file.

You know, your depression could be more related with your retirement and that you are 65. I think a lot of people get depressed at that time.

You may want to try to discuss with people that gone through retirement.

Thank you and I'm ok with being called a kid. And everyone has their habits. You call under 25s kids. Some of us stim to erase anxiety. Habits are habits so don't worry.

I need to talk to people with Autism and Aspergers and I notice there are members who are in their middle 50's and late 50's posting. I've had problems like this when I was even your age and was laid off along with everyone else at times when the economy was so bad. I just need someone to allow me to be in the workforce part time so I don't feel so useless. And yes, I've had some serious bouts of depression even during my teens, so this has been an on going thing with me. It just affects me worse now.

Unfortunatly it's not uncommon for me to feel worthless, and wonder why I don't just find a way to end it and get it over with.

Thank you for your comment. I just hope you don't have to deal with this all of your life. But, if you have Autism or Aspergers it is much different for both of us because of the way people look at us and treat us or at least me.

Hmm I wouldn't be too suprised if i do have to deal with it all my life...I mean I don't see it changing much. I've found some ways to cope with it but it never goes away completely. But that's not even the worst the worst I have to deal with two anxiety disorders I hate feeling anxious and like I need to either hide, vacate the area or be ready for whatever 'danger' there is, it's exausting. Then there is the Autism, I specifically supposedly have AS but that wont be in the DSM5 anyways so may as well just use the term autism. But yeah I was not diagnosed with autism of any kind as a kid, but I still had symptoms and people did treat me different by excluding me and picking on me constantly..even teachers(some teachers liked to single me out to so I could be ridiculed by everyone else) not just the other kids.

I try not to be overcome by it all too much, but it's hard not to...but that seems to be all I really can do, if I had a solution to not feel depressed I'd tell you about it though.

I know what you mean about teachers espcially those with very little understand for patience of children with issues. One teacher slapped me upside of the head and a bobby pin went in my ear causing me to have surgery. The teacher got fired. Though I don't have anxiety attacks, I have deep bouts of depression and sometimes have some serious temper tantrums where I get hurt. I throw things, try to put either my fist or head through the wall and curse like a sailor. Though it isn't as bad now, I still have fits like that when a person or situation upsets me and I have to take it out on something. It is so sad that we are so misunderstood where the majority of the public turns it's back on us and like you say, pick on us and bully us.