No TMS re-schedule and medicine shoved down my throat

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I had an appointment to see the psychiatrist who actually recommended the TMS procedure in the first place to me and told her the medicine the person I talked to on the day I was supposed to undergo the TMS treatment made me feel sedated as well as did nothing to help me feel less depressed. She refused to help me get another potential TMS appointment made and wants me to keep trying the medicine even though I told her it did not help me.

This year is already feeling like it is going to end badly. I was supposed to get a different sort of treatment for the depression I have suffered from for 14 years now but instead I get a complete 180 and are trying to stuff me with more pills despite how the last medications I have tried have not made any significant changes in my mental health.

Why did no one reply to this? I am getting regarded as scum.

I'm seeing this for the first time.

Medication such as Remeron usually takes at least 6-8 weeks to begin working, before you can judge its efficacy. I know it's frustrating but please give it time and take it as prescribed. It's normal to feel sleepy or have other side effects when you begin a new drug but rest assured the side effects (usually) go away.

On 31 January when you were expecting TMS, what exactly happened? I'm assuming you showed up at a hospital for the procedure and they told you it wasn't happening? Was your psychiatrist there at the hospital to prescribe the Remeron? I'm still confused why they scheduled TMS and abruptly changed course, presumably when you arrived for the treatment.

If they are going to reschedule the TMS they likely need to confirm that Remeron isn't helping.

Again, I'm sorry this happened.

Thank you, Isabella. That is pretty much what happened. I was scheduled for TMS but they abruptly changed their minds. This happened even after I told them why I was depressed and what keeps me depressed. The psychiatrist who recommended the TMS to me I didn’t see her on that day, it was someone else for whatever reason but even after I talked to the psychiatrist who recommended the TMS to me again, she had changed her mind as well.

That sucks a lot, it is totally unfair they do that kind of crap. Did they even have a specific reason or anything?

It probably would be best to still try the medication treatment, maybe if that doesn't help you then they'll reconsider the TMS. Sometimes you have to jump through some b.s hoops to get what you want or need. Make sure to keep track of any negative side effects so you can inform those about them...since if its not helping and just makes you tired for instance than that would be grounds to try a different treatment. Or failing that it may be possible to look into getting a different psychiatrist.

Even though I told them the medications I’ve tried have not worked and I was fitting the criteria for TMS (it’s used for those who have medication resistant depression), they still didn’t think I needed it. How does that make any f*****g sense?

I fear that a path to getting a relationship has been destroyed before I even got to walk on it. I should’ve left when it became clear Alliekit won’t ever come back. She was going to post a celebratory thread of me finally getting a girlfriend but it won’t ever happen.

Yes, I was feeling apprehensive about the treatment but the closer I got to the day I was supposed to get it, I felt more hopeful and was ready to tell others about a new experience. The fact I was denied from it only makes me feel even more so that I am meant to suffer until I die. If I had the treatment, I wouldn’t have to spend another Make a Friend Day where I don’t make a new friend or have a new one approach me and another lonely Valentine’s Day.

I hope you don't mind me asking Marknis, but what are your diagnoses at this point? I assume clinical depression, but have you been diagnosed with anything else? (GAD, ADHD, etc.)

Also, are you on the spectrum? I think you said yes, but I can't remember what age you were assessed or what recommendations / supports were put in place for you.

I'm just wondering in relation to the medicines you're trying.

It doesn't make sense, I cannot really think of a good reason. But maybe if you can show them this one doesn't work either they'll have to submit to recommending you the TMS and actually following through with it, I can't be certain though. Our mental health care in this country could really use some improvements, that is for certain.

Also probably too soon to say you'll never find a relationship, can't say for sure you will either but its not like people can't get into relationships once they pass 30 so certainly still possible. But it would probably be good to try not to worry about it too much, maybe find a distraction. I find RPG video games useful for me, to distract me when I start dwelling on stuff and feeling depressed or pissed off about stuff. It doesn't always work but its better than nothing

I was diagnosed with AS in 1994 when I was 6 but my parents never told me I had Asperger’s unless I forgot. I do remember many years later when I was either 16 or 17, my mother compared me to Napoleon Dynamite because he, in her words he “had PDD.” That lead me to research what that meant and I found about the autism spectrum. I was becoming clinically depressed and I also learned about Dr. Brian Gilmartin’s Love-Shyness study as well as the original involuntary celibacy websites (the attitudes were unlike the ‘incel community’ of today) and web articles because I was distraught about turning 18 but not ever having a girlfriend. I also originally joined this place in 2006; I had a different name and stopped posting in 2007.

Outside of AS and dysthymia (the form of clinical depression I suffer from), I have no other mental diagnosis’s unless I am oblivious about any other records I have.

Thanks for the reply, Marknis. Have you ever seen your autism assessment report from when you were six? Is there a way you could request a copy, if your parents don't have it? I wonder if you have insurance coverage for an updated ASD assessment to help you recognise your personality type, and your strengths. It might help you to consider your development in a new light. Also it's very common for people on the spectrum to suffer from anxiety disorders. Do you feel like you have difficulties with anxiety?

If you have a psychiatrist you should be able to ask him / her about the screening tests they've done to assess you for anxiety, ADHD, etc., to ensure that you have the best treatment plan possible -- including your meds.

Not only that, people in this country need to realize psychology is not “creepy” or is only about serial killers. There’s also idiots like Jesse Lee Peterson who thinks depression means you worship Satan which is completely stupid since large numbers of Christians are actually depressed despite the silly belief many of them have that having “Jesus in your heart” keeps you from being depressed in the first place.

I can’t stop thinking about it largely because all of my siblings have gotten married and have children while I can’t even get a f*****g coffee date at my age. I am always wondering why things went their way while I only got failures and dead ends. Even my younger cousins are getting married and having children. It makes me want to kill myself sometimes so I don’t have to continue suffering more years of depression and failure. Even those here who are in relationships tell me they don’t want me to have one despite how many of them claim they were like me when they were my age.

Video games honestly have the opposite effect on me. When I played Demon’s Souls for a large part of 2018, I kept replaying in my mind the conflicts I’ve had with people here despite the immersion that the Souls games are known for. I haven’t played BlazBlue in a long time because my mind would bring up the conflicts I’ve had with the people I have to be around at work and it would make my head burn from the tension. It’s happened less with Guilty Gear and I hope it won’t happen at all for the new one.

I am not suggesting totally stop thinking about it, just try to reduce the worrying and stressing about it, and try not to compare yourself to other people. Do your siblings struggle with depression the way you do? are they on the spectrum and struggle with social skills? from what you describe of them it doesn't seem like it...so makes sense they may have had an easier time of it.

Also you've held a job for years, even though its not even a job you love or anything you've stuck with it, you're not out on the streets panhandling so I wouldn't even say you're a 'failure'. Sure so far you have failed to achieve a long term romantic relationship and its not too late(30 is still pretty young) but that does not make you a total failure. And

I have not seen anyone here say they don't want you to have a relationship, I get the impression most people hope that you can find one someday. But I mean with how depressed you are right now, you're not going to have very good chances finding one right now that doesn't mean people don't want you to have one...just means people think you need to get that under control before your going to have a better chance at success. Not to say you couldn't meet someone but then you'd have to put a lot of effort into holding that depression at bay so you don't push her away with it or end up being fake because you're just putting on a persona to hide it. I tried getting relationships when I was doing much worse with my depression and it worked terribly.

And seriously if you are having suicidal thoughts...go to the hospital they can help, you could even tell them your frustration about not getting the TMS and they may even be able to help push for you to get it....if its really 'that' bad. I went twice, admittedly the first time was not as helpful as the second time but I don't regret either time. I'd go again if I needed to.

As for video games I find I can get into it enough it will distract me from the worries and negativity...but it may not work for everyone. Not sure what other potentially immersive things you like so just don't have a ton of other suggestions of a specific distraction.

They are not on the spectrum. Both of my brothers have felt depressed at times but never to the extent I’ve dealt with. It was much easier for them to recover since they don’t suffer the same social struggles I have and girls chased after them after every break up they had. I don’t think my half-sisters have had depressed episodes or at least I never saw them experience any since they didn’t live with me. They lived with my father’s first wife.

I always got conflicting advice on being attractive to the opposite sex. On one hand, I was told to be myself but on the other hand, I was told to hide the fact I am depressed as well as non-religious. My father even told me I would never have a girlfriend as long as I considered myself non-Christian because he said “everyone will think you are a Satanist”. One person I had an unrequited love ordeal with even told me the reason why her boyfriend was a better person than me was because he was a Christian. This was also someone who was having pre-marital sex. The women my mother and grandmother tried to set me up with were Christian as well as listened to only “feminine” music. I always find it disappointing when I encounter women who only do things that the culture I live in considers acceptable for women. My sister in-law told me she wanted to play video games when she was a kid but her parents wouldn’t let her because those were considered only for boys; she now gets to play them because she’s away from her family. Admittedly, I once saw a gothic girl at school drawing a naked woman and I thought it was “strange” at the time no thanks to the prevailing social attitude that goths were “losers”, “freaks”, and “suicidal morons”. I now kick myself for thinking that, especially after I realized the rednecks, “cool kids”, and jocks were not truly my friends. Did you ever have others tell you what to do because of your sex?

I actually mentioned my thoughts to the people at the mental health clinic. Maybe the fact I haven’t actually carried out anything makes them think the thoughts aren’t so bad? I have signed a form with my therapist that should I actually start to pursue any sort of plan, I will contact her first.

I truly do like video games and wish I could play them more if it weren’t for the intrusive thoughts. When Guilty Gear Xrd-SIGN came to Arcade UFO in Austin (they get Japanese games even before the American versions come out), I had fun challenging other players and was able to stay in the moment but when Tekken 7 came out, the Guilty Gear Xrd games got pushed out of the spotlight there. I hope that Guilty Gear Strive will bring the fever back.

What RPG games do you play? I’ve played some of the Final Fantasy games as well as the Disgaea games and one of the Tales games. I’ve never played a Blizzard title despite their popularity (well, even with that, the majority of the people I encounter who say they play video games just talk about Call of Duty, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, and Mortal Kombat) and I couldn’t get into Elder Scrolls and I wasn’t interested in Fallout. I do like Bethesda’s treatment on the new Doom games.

I do get to talk about comics with the owners of the comic book stores that I go to. One of them I can talk to about manga while the other will ask me questions about it but he doesn’t seem interested in actually reading any. When it comes to anime, he doesn’t know much outside Dragon Ball. The guy who works for him I can actually talk to about anime on a deeper level. They both had some interest about Battle Angel Alita after the movie of it came out last year but they still haven’t read the manga.

I do indeed have difficulties with anxiety. It makes me feel uneasy in social situations, unable to potentially look for another job or look into getting my own place, try different kinds of social avenues, and it exacerbates my shyness. I am honestly scared to ask women out on dates because I fear they will always reject me for various reasons.

I hope that your doctor has done an assessment of your anxiety, to screen for Generalised Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, Attachment Disorder, etc. Then you can also be prescribed meds.

Have you ever taken anxiolytic medication (anti-anxiety)?

They can often be combined with SSRI or SNRI for better efficiency.

I can't remember much about Remeron but does it treat anxiety, or primarily depression?

It sounds like you need treatment for both conditions.