A social faux pas

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Recently I came across the best DNA match re genealogy that I've ever had . He's a half or full second cousin on my mother's paternal side . It's a side I've had no personal dealings with . Indeed although my maternal grandfather didn't die till 1988 I never met him .

At the end of my second message to him I enquired whether there was any ASD/Asperger's/autism in his family . So far I've seen very little indication of such on my paternal side . I was told of some 'odd' characters on my maternal 2gt uncle's side , but nothing that directly pointed to ASD.

I did say I'd understand if he chose not to answer the question , but am now thinking I put my size 8s into it .

I don’t believe you asked an insensitive question—nor made a faux pas.

I hope this person does answer.

What I don’t like is when people say we shouldn’t reproduce because we are “defective” in some way.

“Genes” do not make the person.

fm, I've made contact with some distant relatives through ancestry searches as well. This was before my autism diagnosis so I didn't know what to call the "odd" characteristics primarily seen on my father's side. I did ask about depression and anxiety and whether or not it was prevalent in their own families, or their family trees. The people weren't offended, and most of them said yes ... there were some rather unusual characters. I'd have to search for those emails to refresh my memory on the descriptions I got. I did learn that my GG grandfather was an engineer who designed rollercoasters in Scotland? I remember that the accounts of his personality were very detailed. In retrospect he did sound autistic but who knows?

In short, no ... I don't think you did anything wrong by asking. Perhaps you helped someone by bringing their attention to autism when they haven't known the word.

Good luck.

Thanks both of you . The following came from a distant relative over a decade ago re my mother's father's family:
- Reports of emotional instability in 'distant'
relatives ie 'one used to threaten to commit suicide on a regular basis
and eventually did in later life. Another son used to sit and nod his
head all day side to side and would periodically 'chew' on the brass
around the fireplace. Also he used to threaten to slit his throat..using
the back side of the blade to demonstrate.'

My maternal grandfather's sister was accused of murdering both her husbands. One of them got cremated and went down the garbage disposal. She kidnapped my mother and aunt (her nieces) in the back of a car because she wanted children. She was a very ... interesting lady ... by all reports. Certainly it sounds like mental illness rather than autism, but the autism is all on my dad's side, not my mother's.

I've heard back from him .He says he's not aware of autism etc ever being within that side of the family , but it's only fairly recently that there's been more info about it.
He says he'll keep in touch with anything he thinks might interest me.

Re my grandfather and his great uncle: