Would this involve "Theory of Mind"?

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In trying to see just where I fit on the spectrum, if I actually do, the whole "Theory of Mind" thing didn't sound right.

"Of course I'm not insensitive to other people's feelings" I'd think.

Then, over the last day or two, something hit me...

All my life, if someone didn't get something I got or didn't get something I was saying, I'd assume they either weren't paying attention, or did actually understand, and were just trying to give me a hard time.

The very idea that they didn't understand something I did was beyond me.

A simple example.

Someone's with me while I'm making microwave mac'n'cheese.

Them: "Why aren't you putting the cheese in now?"

Me: "You aren't supposed to until after the water's boiled for a few minutes."

Them: "Oh? Where do you get that from?"

Me: "Uh...FROM THE DIRECTIONS."

Now, we're talking about an NT, not someone with special needs. This person has normal intelligence, but the idea that I was following directions seemed to never have occurred to them.

This would strike me as incredibly stupid, and either an example of them just messing with me, or not bothering to think about what was happening right in front of them.

I've finally learned, that people can think in what might seem to be some very unusual ways, but it took a very long time, and I'm still not inclined to have that thought come to me in such situations. Generally, my first inclination is to be annoyed (and try not to show it) and to think they're being stupid, inattentive, or are trying to be annoying.

Does this fit into the "Theory of Mind" problem where autism/Asperger's is concerned? That someone might actually not get something that seems perfectly obvious to me, but that possibility doesn't even occur to me?

I would say that it is, but as you said “I've finally learned” much of Theory of Mind is learnt and not innate. I believe that empathy is stated as significant in innate Theory Of Mind. Empathy tends to work when the two people are similar, but not so much when they are different, even if both are capable of empathy. There is something inherently ironic of such statements as: You only did that because you have no Theory of Mind. It in itself demonstrates a lack of Theory of Mind. While lack of Theory of Mind may be more in certain groups, such as AS, generally people don't possess a great capacity. They tend to naturally hang around people similar to themselves and rely on a natural mechanism of identity. To use an analogy, it's easy to think you're smart if you only ever ask yourself questions you know the answers to.

As far as stupidity goes, everybody practices it. If you could hold the patent on stupidity, you would be the richest person in the world.

In the example you gave, for an NT I would expect that their greatest motivation for asking you, rather than just read the directions, was to interact and enjoy your company. Even if you hadn't of told them the information they were asking, they probably would not have bother to find out for themselves.

Yes, that's a theory of mind problem. Aren't there things you don't understand until you learn about them? You yourself must sometimes have the experience of not knowing things. Other people do, too.

I know that most people here aren't "specialists" (and that you shouldn't "diagnose" over the internet, even if you are), but does this serve as another arrow pointing towards me being on the spectrum?

I think I have a good theory of mind. Everything doesn't need to be explained crystal clear to me. In fact, too much detail stresses me out.

I remember once when I was in a shop, and it was one of those very rainy days. As I went to pay for my stuff, the lady at the till said, ''not very nice, is it?'' and although she was showing no obvious expressions that she was referring to the weather (she wasn't looking at the window or anything), I just knew she was referring to the weather right away. So I just said, ''no, it isn't'', and I proved that I had got it right when she then said, ''well, we can't complain really, we have had some nice weather over the past couple of weeks.'' And I said, ''that's right.'' I knew I had normal theory of mind there because she actually could have meant anything is not very nice. But some sort of instinct inside me just told me that she meant the weather, and she did mean the weather.

And that's not the only time I have had instinct theory of mind. I don't generally have a problem with theory of mind.

I'm not sure, but I think lack of Theory of Mind would be not thinking about what the other person is thinking.
Someone asks you a question and you answer the question. End.
Someone tells you something and you hear the literal meaning of what they say and you don't think about why they said it or whether they had ulterior motives or are lying, etc.

I don't think this is a theory of mind problem. A reasonable person could infer that you read the directions. They were just being stupid.

It actually is a theory of mind problem if you always assume people ought to know what you already know. I still run into this problem myself, especially when I get absorbed into a special interests over many days/weeks.

As I prefer making macaroni and cheese over the stove instead of in the microwave, I wouldn't have a clue what you were doing.

When I'm cooking I have like veteran chefs say things to me that seem pretty stupid.