Would You Prefer To Date an Aspie or an NT?

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Would You Prefer To Date an Aspie or an NT?
I am an aspie who would prefer to date an aspie 61%  61%  [ 59 ]
I am an aspie who would prefer to date an NT 32%  32%  [ 31 ]
I am not an aspie 7%  7%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 97

anomy
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04 Jun 2012, 3:54 pm

I am wanting to find out if aspies prefer to date other aspies or prefer to date NT's.

I know the answer can be, "it depends," but I'm really just looking for your first basic gut feeling.

Thanks to all who participate.



Chris71
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04 Jun 2012, 4:04 pm

Some missing options from the poll:
- I'm aspie but can't express a preference of NT or Aspie as a partner

also have separate options for male & females, as there could be an interesting analysis there.
- Male aspie prefers NT for a partner
- Male aspie prefers AS partner
- Female aspie prefers NT partner
- Female aspie prefers AS partner

I'm interested in the responses though



EstherJ
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04 Jun 2012, 4:07 pm

An Aspie would understand.

An NT would have to be taught, and would have to work harder to understand.



anomy
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04 Jun 2012, 4:10 pm

Chris71 wrote:
Some missing options from the poll:
- I'm aspie but can't express a preference of NT or Aspie as a partner

also have separate options for male & females, as there could be an interesting analysis there.
- Male aspie prefers NT for a partner
- Male aspie prefers AS partner
- Female aspie prefers NT partner
- Female aspie prefers AS partner

I'm interested in the responses though


How very "aspie" of you! lol (I'm a fellow aspie and I'm laughing with you, not at you!)

I almost posted more complicated poll and may follow-up with one but for now I wanted it to keep it simple and I wanted the first gut reaction. For me, I'm definitely more attracted to other aspies overall.



Dillogic
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04 Jun 2012, 4:11 pm

Neither.



C0MPAQ
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04 Jun 2012, 4:14 pm

I pretty much think that noone will vote for NT, except they made some very awkward experiences in their life.


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CyclopsSummers
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04 Jun 2012, 4:26 pm

EstherJ wrote:
An Aspie would understand.

An NT would have to be taught, and would have to work harder to understand.


Not necessarily.

If, by 'understand', you mean 'understand autism', you may have something there, and I can quite concur.

If, by 'understand', however, you mean 'understand your innermost feelings, be able to guess at your moods at a given time, empathise properly in general'... in my experience, people who aren't autistic, but rather extraverted instead can be very, very understanding.


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Joe90
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04 Jun 2012, 4:27 pm

I'm not trying to offend anybody with Autism here, I'm just giving my most honest answer to what the OP asked. I don't mind who I date, but if I was to date a somebody on the Autistic spectrum, I prefer him to be able to hide his AS, like me. I don't want to have a boyfriend who is prone to meltdowns and other types of behaviour that I might not know how to handle, being that I don't have meltdowns myself. It disturbs me to see a grown man rocking about on the floor in public and I've got to stand there telling everyone that he's just Autistic and something has overwhelmed him. I just don't think I would have enough patience for that. I don't even have the patience when I hear toddlers having meltdowns in public, so it's nothing personal. I have nothing against Autistic people, I have a friend who is Autistic and I like him a lot, he is a nice person and I feel I can trust him a lot more than I can trust some NTs.

I would prefer to have an NT boyfriend. I would actually like to date a man who is NT but is shy or has an anxiety disorder or social phobia, because I find I can still relate a lot to people who are more anxious or more socially phobic than the average person, whether they're NT or not. Or even somebody with Aspie traits, like being socially awkward, but still can appear NT in otherwise, it wouldn't worry me.

By the way, the whole population aren't just divided into NT and Autistic - there are possible conditions people can have that aren't Autistic but aren't classified as NTs either, like Mental Retardation, ADHD, Fragile-X Syndrome, and many more. Would anyone consider dating people with those sorts of conditions aswell?


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EmilyBallantine
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04 Jun 2012, 4:47 pm

I'm NT and my husband has aspergers. Also our son has Autism. I do think alot of things might be easier if I was married to another NT however I love my husband with all my heart and we work through things together. I think it makes things easier for him to be able to hand things over to me that he cant deal with well.



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04 Jun 2012, 4:49 pm

I would prefer an Aspie, he would be more likely to be a homebody and not try to drag me out of the house. I wouldn't mind an NT if we were compatible. I won't be compatible w/ all Aspies, I need someone who's AS traits are compatible with mine. I am not too bad socially, but I have major executive function issues and if I were in a long term relationship w/ someone w/ executive disfunction issues, nothing would get done.



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04 Jun 2012, 4:53 pm

I agree with what Joe90 said. I'd rather date an NT. Actually, it all depends. Some aspies have comorbids than can rip me to shreds like narcissistic personality disorder. Some aspies just simply talk too much. I think Dr. Spencer Reid is absolutely the cutest thing on TV, but when he just gets to nonstop talking it rips me to shreds. Meltdowns? Get thee behind me, Satan! 'Adam' is the sweetest aspie (from the movie) but his meltdowns are downright scary and unpredictable.

I, myself, would probably be a burden for an NT because of my extreme social issues. Visit their family? I'd rather shoot holes in my feet. Go out on a group dinner date or business dinner party? I'd rather shoot holes in my feet. Go out with them on a group outing? Get thee behind me, Satan! :twisted:



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04 Jun 2012, 4:54 pm

C0MPAQ wrote:
I pretty much think that noone will vote for NT, except they made some very awkward experiences in their life.


I've been with NTs exclusively. And I don't feel I've missed out on anything because of it.

Not that I wouldn't date an aspie girl. There are some very appealing ones right here on this forum. But their asperger's is not what makes them attractive to me.


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Chris71
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04 Jun 2012, 4:57 pm

I've only dated NT women.
I might put that on my vote here, because I like the idea of having a partner (such as my current partner) who is good at social chit-chat, can deal with chaos etc.. It forces me to keep up the effort with chatting with people and gets me off my ass to go to birthday parties or other gatherings etc..
Ideally for a partner type, I would chose a "neurorational-neurotypical". They do exist out there. Really !



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04 Jun 2012, 5:02 pm

Would prefer to date a woman who is on the spectrum, but not excessively so. As a previous writer put it, 'not so much that she would have meltdowns."

I am married to a woman who is slightly on the spectrum, but totally rejects the idea that she is, or that I am. It's annoying.


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04 Jun 2012, 5:02 pm

I'm not really all that interested in dating to begin with.


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Joe90
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04 Jun 2012, 5:06 pm

Because I only have a very mild case of AS, I think it doesn't matter what neurology the man I date has. It all depends on the person. Like I said in my earlier post, I have a friend who is Autistic, but I find that sometimes when I'm talking to him he kinds of drifts off into a world of his own and I find I am talking to myself, and then I am usually the one who is getting odd looks because my Autistic friend can sometimes unintentionally give off body language that says he's walking on his own, so other people end up looking at me as if to say, ''leave that poor lad alone, you don't even know him so why are you stalking him about for?'' - when clearly I am not. But because I'm so used to being with NTs who don't usually do this, I sort of forget myself and just find I'm talking to him and waiting for a response like an NT would, then realising he's drifted off into his own world for about 10 minutes so I have to wait until he comes back out again. I don't judge him against it though, I know he has Autism and so that is just his way and it doesn't make him a bad person or stupid person at all.

So sometimes I find I can only socialise with my Autistic friend in small doses, whereas I can socialise better with my NT friends for much longer, since they don't usually drift off into their own world unless they're feeling ill or really stressed out or something else that isn't typically related to their general personality. So, yeah, sometimes it can all depend on the person. And anyway, not all NTs are the same either. I might be able to get along fine with one NT, and another NT I could have hell getting along with.


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