Swapping stims you not sure of for better ones

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I have a repetitive type habit (maybe stim?) where I rub my face a lot (especially when I'm feeling a bit stressed or bored).

I don't always realise how much I've been doing this until I realise how red my face has got! sometimes I end up with a mild rash due to doing this.

So I'd like to stop doing this, but I'll need some kind of comforting repetitive behaviour to replace it, and it needs to be something I can do in public.

Has anyone managed to swap a stim they don't really like, or causes some kind of problem, for a stim that they still find satisfying but doesn't cause a problem?

Any suggestions about how to do this?

I'm really bad about chewing on pens, usually to the point where I've actually just disposed of the ink tubes in them and reduced them into bits of plastic. I try to change it out for bouncing my legs when I can, since it doesn't make my teeth feel funny afterwards and just makes my legs extremely sore if I'm sitting for too long. Annoys other people though since it shakes the ground really bad. The leg bouncing is far more satisfying, so it's easy to switch to it, but I can't help but grab random things from my desk or bag to chew on. For example, I threw away a brush recently that my boyfriend assumed at first glance that a dog had gotten to from the way it looked.

Whether these are stims or not, I don't know. But I do a few things with my fingers. Put my index finger on top of thumb and push index finger to bottom of thumb to the web and push index though to palm area. I then repeat.

I also hold my thumb in palm of hand tight. Or hold thumb in palm and push all other fingers over thumb.

I also wring hands or tightly hold thumb or a finger in a wringing position. Unfortunately, I notice this now and don't know what to do. I stop. But a I want to.
I go back to finger stuff.

None of my stereotypies are consciously "chosen."

And "stimming" generally refers to movements which exceed what is considered "normal" for your age and the culture in which you live.

Rubbing your face and fiddling with a pen probably wouldn't qualify as these things are pretty common in the general population of adults.

extent matters. occasional rubbing of one's face is different than rubbing it raw. that is most likely a stim.

...which is why I said it had to exceed what is considered "normal."

I curl and flex my toes if I am in public and I'm stressed.Or I do things like tap my fingers or twirl a pen.I try to vary these so it's not too obvious.If I'm at a quiet place where I can read then I can escape into a book and I'm all good.

Thank you all for all the advice and replies so far.

I'm not sure whether my behaviour is excessive enough to actually count as a stim.

I do it semi-subconsciously, it is enough to cause quite serious acne and / or a rash which can be very sore at times, but my skin is sensitive to rubbing anyway, so may flare up more easily than most.

Either way it's a repetitive habit I'd really like to change and I'd welcome advice from anyone whose managed to do this.

When in public, I have a warm cup of coffee to distract me from my stimming needs with the slightly too warm cup, or I fiddle with my fingers/hands in a somewhat socially accepted way.

I had a serious skin-picking problem when I was around twelve. I wrapped bandaids around my thumbs, so I would pick at the bandaids instead of my skin. I still enjoy picking at my skin, but I would not classify it as a serious problem anymore.

I'm still trying to find something to replace my skin-pciking......it's getting really bad..........I'm kindof afraid of dying of blood poisoning or something like that (because I do it to the point where I bleed). I tried to get rid of it by doing my childhood stim (sortof twirling a string or anything long and thin with that feel in front of my face-I scrunch up my face when I do this so it looks really weird). I had stopped doing this when I was 11 and hadn't done it since then until I tried it a couple years ago when I was feeling sad and to try and replace the picking. So now I do the object twirling stim (only in private- at night , in my bedroom) and the skin picking ( which I do all day long). I try to replace them with more normal stims like shaking my foot, tapping my fingers, just picking at an object like an eraser etc. but it doesn't work. I start doing the skin picking without thinking about it and usually by the time I realize I;m doing it I'm already in pain or bleeding......and now I'm hooked on the twirling stim again.......although at least I can control this and only do it in private. I have acceptable stims as well (just in addition to the unacceptable - and potentially dangerous-in the case of skin picking-ones...........

Thank you so much for all the replies and suggestions.

I did at one time try to switch to using only a hankerchief but it just didn't feel the same. The plasters is a really great idea, not sure if it'd work me as I don't particularly enjoy the feel. qWriting about this I'm realising the tactile sensation is a very big part of why I do this (it isn't the only repetitive habit I have either).

I worry about infection too, it's one of the reasons I want to stop / limit it. Elsewhere on my body I use anti-microbial body washes when needed, but it's a bit too high power for my face. I sympathise with the not realising you're doing it til it's sore too, that happens to me an amount. For me learning meditation / mindfulness skills has made me a bit more body aware so can now make it a bit easier to spot these behaviours. Doesn't always work though, that's why I think if I can find something more appropriate, that I go to semi-automatically instead, that might work well.

I think something like toe curlng might work cos I need something to do absent mindedly while typing, so I could do this at the same type.

Squeezing fingers together is something I already do. Also having something to nearby I can squeeze in my hand as needed might well work.

I too can use disappearing into a book , for me when I do this the rest of the world disappears, ah bliss...

I actually can use reading the internet on my mobile in a similar way but these are no use when I'm working as they need all my concentration.

Thanks again everyone for the thoughtful replies.

Please keep em coming if there is anything you'd like to add.

I have a lot of very visible stims. As a child in therapy they tried getting me to do one of the main ones behind my back, or under a table, or something like that - but it was impossible to do. The one I'm thinking of is probably my main one - I put both of my hands up to my face, elbows extended out and up - the backs of my hands are touching my cheeks - my pinky knuckles are at the corners of my mouth - fingers wiggling furiously. It's involuntary - I do not realize that I'm doing it until it's over. They tried having me do the finger wiggling under the table or behind my back but it just doesn't work at all.

I did, however, learn tricks to help prevent it from happening - which is to constantly keep my hands doing things. I basically just play with my hands to do that - just constantly moving them touching each other usually.

However this also attracts negative attention - I distinctly remember one time when a bandmate made a comment about me always fiddling with my hands - it seemed like a negative comment (I honestly don't care because they respect me very much as a musician and that's all I care about). It may have been said playfully or something - but I don't know. My rocking has also been noticed. Fortunately while we are playing music I can just move along with it and they think I'm just moving to it but often I am literally rocking side to side to it - balance shifting from one foot to the other. I rock a -lot- when sitting - almost always back and forth rocking.

There are many other instances of truly negative attention but they are mostly limited to my elementary school, middle school, and high school years.

I've tried really really hard to lessen my stimming but it's had little effect. I must do it - and I've come to accept it.

If people ask me about it I just tell them that it's really complicated (so that I don't have to explain and say I have autism), and that it's involuntary.

As a kid I told them "I do it when I'm thinking really hard", which is often the truth - often if I am deep in thought I end up doing that main stim I described earlier. But that backfired horribly. I would do it, and then anyone I told that thing, would ask me "what are you thinking about?"... and I would just say "nothing" if I was able to talk at all at that point. I'd get angry at them, too.

Now I know that I shouldn't have gotten angry at them - it's a -VERY- strange thing that I do as far as NTs are concerned - and it's only natural for them to be curious about it.

In retrospect I am sad that I got mad at those people - they were the ones that DIDN'T make fun of me about it - they were trying to be friendly about it and ask me things about it, find out more about it. When I think back, in every single case, those people were people who were pretty much always friendly to me. I've had people explain to me in detail about what a NT's thought process probably is when they see me do that.

But now I just avoid the issue and say it's complicated and involuntary, and thankfully most people leave it at that.

I did the "face-rubbing" thing in addition to chewing the skin off of my lips. In order to keep my skin fairly intact, I need to use other means of obtaining tactile stimulation. I always have objects (a rabbit's foot and a bullet) handy that I can use instead.

A 50cal round if my memory serves, right?

Yes, but I do have others... Not trying to be an annoying d-bag (not sure if I'm allowed to say this on the site; too many rules). Still easier than trying to take a 25-lb cat to pet.