Not being able to talk

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This thread is about moments where you're unable to talk. Specifically, ones not involving meltdowns or overloads.

I hate going to most retail stores, be they grocery stores or clothing stores or anything like that, because I dread the moment one of their employees is bound to walk up to me and ask me if they can help me out. It's just an interaction I want to avoid - I'm already often overstimulated there because of the noise lights and other people - I just have trouble talking with them, even though I know I just need to say "I'm fine thanks" and they'll go away.

The other problem in stores, which I noticed the other night at 3AM at my local grocery store (they're open 24 hours), is approaching the clerks at the checkout stand. I had to circle back around the aisles a few times to gather myself before I felt able to walk into the empty line. The gaze of the clerk also made me very uncomfortable, the first time I came near the checkout stand. Then when I am checking out, I stay silent again even though I'd like to give the appropriate exchanges.

I often have trouble talking with unfamiliar people - for example, Wednesday this week, one of my bands was recording a few songs at a recording studio - I was in the control room plugged direct into the board - the sound engineer plugged my bass in and I started playing, and he said "nice sounding bass", which I liked as a compliment, but I just said nothing and kept playing, even though I wanted to express gratitude toward him liking my bass. I just couldn't open my mouth. Same situation with salespeople and clerks and such in stores. I want to say something but I can't open my mouth.

Yes, precisely. This happens to me quite a lot...awkwardness.

Atomsk, please post here - this exactly fits this forum!
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt73273.html

So many Aspies do have have experience this - I do wonder why it's not addressed. Sometimes I think we forget that AS is autism and we have our common roots.

Anyway, I guess there is no real answer except you might need more time to process before speaking and this is especially evident with strangers or unusual circumstances. It's like the "deer in the headlights phenomon" where I am as if frozen, which exacerbates the problem. Certain individuals make it worse. I know what you mean.

Find a way.

For me, I used an SLR camera (so I'm talking 20 years ago). Took photos of people for school and work. To get them to let me take their photos, had to ask their permission. And to get them to relax, had to chat with them. That usually meant getting them to talk about themselves.

That's a truism about most people -- they like to talk about things that interest them. Which is just another way of saying they like to talk about themselves.

After I stopped taking photos, I decided to learn how to make small talk. So I'd chat with people on the bus and other places. Like I said, most people like to talk. Show them an interest and they will open up.

The thing is to focus on them and not on yourself, your fears, your worries, your inability to talk. Look at it this way: If you can carry on a conversation in your mind, you can learn to carry that conversation aloud and with real people.

This problem exists throughout my whole life and all the speech therapy couldn't change it . Often i can't find the right word but a similar, like "superficial" -- "superstitious", or i don't find the word at all, or the accentuation is on the wrong syllable.

A really bad experience was with a former online friend whom i had told about my problems. She insisted on a conversation and after an hour or so told me i would speak a strange dialect she had never heard before. Wow. That was really what i needed. Very encouraging.

Some times it happens to me when Im tired. But the words do end up comming there is just a bit of a delay.

This happens to me a lot.

Often if someone says something to me, I often want to respond but frustratingly cannot get the words out.

It also happens in more "formal" situations, like shopping. The other day I had to buy something in a shop that involved asking for it.. I knew what I wanted to say but couldn't get the words out. I had to leave and re-enter the shop about 5 times before I could ask for it. I have no idea what the shop assistant thought ...

When I'm not around my family and friends I go mute and will not talk unless i really need to.

Yup, I get that too. Often when someone gives me a compliment, like I've done some work well or something and I just don't know how to respond. Sometimes it is because I'm nervous or I don't know someone well, and it almost always happens when I am in "shut-down" mode- stressed or freaked out or something. It's kind of like I just don't have the right words; or I do have the right words, it's just that the time has passed when I could have said them, or they just plain don't want to come out.

LabPet - Excellent thread, thanks

I usually try to find things around situations like that because I have issues asking for help or talking to people right away.

I'm sometimes unable to say anything, especially in social situations , and I thought I am just extremely shy.

When smeone talks to me out of the blue, I try to get by with the absolute minimum of communication. Most of the time, "I'm fine" and a sort of "Chinese head-bow" does the trick. I was always called the "Columbine Kid" when I was in school because I was so quiet.