How am I going to survive this weekend? Need some advice!

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I'm visiting my boyfriend's family and this weekend they're all coming here for a "social weekend." I've been freaking out for a while now. I don't really know how to get through it. They're really nice people but I don't know how to act and what to say. I can't really do small talk, I don't smile much, I don't look people in the eyes, I don't understand jokes or sarcasm and I often go mute-ish in social situations. Last time I was in a social situation I ended up hitting my head and feeling miserable the whole night. We were 5 people then (including me). This weekend we'll be 18 in total!

I want to be able to handle situations like this. What should I do?

Firstly, try not to worry about appearing too "quirky" or "unusual." Quirky and unusual often leads to interesting, and people like interesting.

If you are the gaming type, perhaps you can think about it as a training objective or video game of sorts. Give yourself mental "points" for every conversation that you sustain or every hour/30 minutes/15 minutes that you remain in the group. Perhaps you can spend these "points" on something that you would like--a favorite food, something correlating to your special interest, ect.

If that doesn't seem to work, perhaps you should just explain that you do not fair well in social situations. It is no social evil to admit your weaknesses, and people tend to be more forgiving when they know that the person in question is aware of their social blunders.

Best of luck to you in this situation.

If you say to your boyfriend,

You know I'm going to need some alone time this weekend, right?

Is that the kind of thing he'll understand and have the social skills himself to be helpful with?

don't do what i did - get so busy eating (and gaining weight) that socializing became secondary.

I feel your pain. I hate meeting the boyfriend's family. Try finding common interests with the people there so you can talk about something you like. Try to smile when you meet somebody. Offer to help clean up...this part will be a bit awkward but it's usually high points with the in law department. Mostly, focus your attention primarily on his parents, particularly the mother as they tend to be more picky when it comes to their son.

He'd understand. At least he'd try to understand. I don't know where I can go to be alone since there'll be people in the house at all times. I'm planning on going for walks though. Alone. A lot of input from everywhere is really tough but I think the most difficult part is the social part. I feel like a complete failure every time people are around. I wish I could tell them about what's "wrong" with me. It'd be so much easier. But I don't even know that myself yet.

Can you get one or two of them off on their own and have a proper conversation instead of having to deal with them all in a crowd?

There are one or two I feel quite comfortable around when we're alone so I'll try. But they're not going want to hang out with me for two days. I mean, they are going to want to socialise with the whole family. Do you know what I mean?

Are they going to be staying in your house? I hope not, for your sake. Try to remember that there is a finite end to this event. It won't go on forever--it'll seem like it at times, but you'll get your space back after a definite time.

P. S. I stayed at my M-I-L's with some other in-laws and their 4 little kids and my 1 little kid. After 2 hours, my husband found me locked in the bathroom in the dark with the water running to drown out all the racket. But with all that was going on, nobody else noticed I wasn't around.

Well, it's not my house but 14 of them (including me) will be staying here. It's a big house but it'll be very crowded.

It sounds odd, but you may find the sheer number of people (even though 18 is a lot!) to actually be an advantage. In a group of 5, you will be expected to socialise with all members of the group at once, without any trouble. (ha. Of course we could )

However, with 18 people, conversation breaks down into "sub conversations", which are easy to appear like you are in, while you are actually just listening. From past experience, larger groups are easier on the requirement to socialise. Hopefully. The bad thing about more people is the increase of sheer noise to try to listen past, which is really draining.

If you really need a break, go somewhere no one else in the house will go (bathroom possibly as someone mentioned.) you can get some quiet, and nobody is going to miss you for a short period of time.

I hope it goes ok, and time passes at a normal speed for you

Maybe you can take a mobile phone or a tablet..or a comp with you,
and just distract yourself surfing the net most of the time or playing games.
The group will not mind I bet.
Bigger groups do not really care about individuals who do not want to socialize.

Quickly! Purchase a pre-made tree house, furnish it, and stay in it till the weekend's over.

Just kidding. You'll survive. It won't be so bad.

Could you spend some afternoon time Internet-ing with the vague excuse of 'work' or 'school'?

In this case, I think it would be perceived as rude & dismissive of the in-laws. They are wanting this opportunity to get to know her & for her to tune them out & blow them off like this would make a very bad impression. Been there, done that, got the reputation for being a stuck up b***h.

I agree w/the poster that pointed out such a large number of people will break up into sub-groups & amuse themselves. You won't be under the microscope of 18 people all at once. It'll be one or three at a time. And fluid.

I usually stay pretty close to my partner when I am in groups like this. I am comfortable w/her, so that's automatically one person that's not difficult. And because she knows me, she deals w/the bulk of the conversation & supports me if I want to participate, smooths things over along the way. Maybe you could do that?

And I've found that a lot of folks understand if I just say I'm a bit of a hermit & so many people, tho' fun & interesting (compliment them; make clear it's not because you don't like them) is pretty overwhelming & you need some quiet time. It's [mostly] true. Of course, out of 18 people there will be some you can't stand, but there's also a good chance there will be one or two you really enjoy.

Good luck!

One of my coping mechanisms is to find as much to do as possible. I'd do all the washing and drying-up, tidy up after people, do as much food preparation as the host will allow me, keep collecting up people's used glasses/cups and taking them to the kitchen, if anyone has a dog I'd offer to walk it (I'd also spend a good bit of time fussing it and talking to it, as it's much easier to converse with someone's dog/cat/rabbit/gerbil/goldfish than it is to talk to them), if anyone has a crabby baby or toddler I'd offer to take it out in its pushchair for some fresh air, I'd hang around anyone at the gathering who's particularly elderly or disabled because you can often do little things for them such as getting them a drink or finding their pills...you get the picture, keeping yourself occupied means not having to invent smalltalk out of thin air.

The second thing is to identify the people there who talk the most, and when you have to talk to someone, go and sit with them. People who like to gossip and elderly folks who like to reminisce are a godsend to autistics. You just set them going and then sit back and rest whilst they do all the talking. The fact that it bores the pants off you is irrelevant – they're doing the thing that you can't, filling the world with meaningless talk, and it passes the time on beautifully.

The third thing is the TV. If you have to hand DVDs with a wide range of films (at least some of which you've actually seen), asking someone what sort of films they like is a good opening gambit. You steer them towards one of the films you have and then say, 'I've got that on DVD actually! I just fancy watching it – would you like to?' If even one person feels like watching a film, you've got a perfect excuse to put the TV on and not have to say anything for a precious two hours.

I hope you manage to get through it, anyway...good luck!