What would you do if your parents were destroying your life?

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Mootoo
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05 Jul 2012, 12:14 pm

And I mean really destroying... turning you suicidal, delirious, and ending up in a mental hospital because of them.

(Don't anyone dare automatically assume it's some BS teenage rebellion argument.)



KaminariNoKage
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05 Jul 2012, 12:34 pm

Ideally I would get out of there as soon as possible - no one should ever have to go through with that. There is such things like psychological abuse to consider. You might be able to take legal action if it is a really big deal, but I would double check on that.



bnky
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05 Jul 2012, 12:48 pm

If at all possible GET OUT OF THERE.
And if it doesn't seem possible, reconsider and GET OUT OF THERE



noname_ever
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05 Jul 2012, 12:55 pm

You're legally an adult, therefore leave.



Mootoo
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05 Jul 2012, 2:04 pm

noname_ever wrote:
You're legally an adult, therefore leave.

This is retrospective... it happened before I was legally an adult, and that fact alone created an immeasurable amount of despair.



Verdandi
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05 Jul 2012, 2:14 pm

What I actually did when one of my parents was doing at least some of that - leave as soon as I could.



lostgirl1986
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05 Jul 2012, 2:15 pm

I'd probably sever ties with them, maybe for awhile, maybe forever. It depends on the whole situation.



CockneyRebel
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05 Jul 2012, 4:52 pm

I'd get out of there as soon as possible.


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Jasmine90
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05 Jul 2012, 5:37 pm

I would definitely leave, even if it meant having to seek solace at a salvation army or homeless shelter.
In fact, if I was not of the legal age to move out of home, I would involve authorities and child services.

There should be more education for young people, especially at school, if they are in situations like these with their parents/ caregivers, they should be taught how to safely remove themselves from such situations. Better yet, other mature people who are even slightly aware/ suspicious should also speak up.



Bloodheart
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05 Jul 2012, 6:19 pm

It's the same as if ANYONE is making you feel like that - you get away from them ASAP.

My mother was physically abusive and a few years ago when I was homeless I had to stay with her...the abuse got worse to the point where she tried to kill me on multiple occasions - I was a workaholic so managed to avoid her a lot, but not enough. As I was homeless I got emergency housing via my local authority, I almost didn't tell my mother where I lived but I found that once I moved into my own place again I was largely able to cut contact (luckily my mother doesn't care about my life so I only hear from her briefly via text).

If you can go to your local Citizens Advice (or talk to someone who can help you take the next step such as a friend, therapist, social worker, tutor, doctor, etc.), from there they'll be able to tell you what services are able to help you get out of your home with your parents - if that's what you want, and I would recommend you seriously consider that option - be it via a shelter, bed-sit or local authority housing (if you work then you have to pay for sheltered accommodation, they're expensive and horrible places to be, so try to push for the latter two options). Depending on your situation and any health problems you may have there could be additional support or options to consider.

If you don't want to take the step of getting out of the family home (or if you're already out but still facing problems) then someone like a doctor, friend or therapist is who to talk to about trying to cut them out of your life completely or at least getting systems in place to limit their contact and how they can harm you - I'm not talking restraining order, but just being able to put your foot down and stop them causing you problems or setting-up some sort of support system with friends or community groups so you can escape for a few hours.


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Callista
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05 Jul 2012, 6:40 pm

Add another person to the "Get out of there" list. If they are literally ruining your life, to the point that you're becoming suicidal, then you need to get out of that place before your life gets into more danger.

Children are rather powerless in that respect though. Where do you go--relatives? Friends? If you're blatantly suicidal you can go to the hospital, but you can't stay there forever. An Aspie on the streets is in a bad position, probably as bad as in most abusive homes (but better than some, depending on the person and the specifics of the situation). That should be a last resort when you are in imminent danger.

Try school counselors, social workers, psychologists, relatives. You can't count on them helping you, but they are worth a try.


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Eternity29
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05 Jul 2012, 8:31 pm

Quote:
it happened before I was legally an adult, and that fact alone created an immeasurable amount of despair.


I know what you mean. My parents made me feel this way throughout high school. The hardest part was that they would not listen when I told them how badly they were making me feel. It was total invalidation. They called me manipulative, even though I caught both of them lying to me several times.

Getting out is really about the only thing you can do. I moved out finally recently, and I don't have a lot of contact with my parents. I'm much happier without them putting me down when I fail. I just have a pretty shallow relationship with them right now. I don't talk about my problems or ask advice. I don't tell them much. It's the easiest way for me to get along and not get hurt.

Dwelling on the past is hard not to do, but I do my best to forget about it and be grateful that it's over and I won't deal with it again. I know I'm not half as terrible as they made me feel, and you aren't either. :) Just keep telling yourself that. Good luck.



OliveOilMom
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05 Jul 2012, 9:34 pm

My mother is borderline personality disorder. I feel ya.

Get out, and try not to look back or get sucked in. Give them nothing to base a lie on.


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Rudywalsh
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05 Jul 2012, 10:07 pm

I was bullied by my stepfather as a child, he hated me as some stepfathers seem too, insecure man I guess. My mother died when I was 13 so I left home at 14.
I count myself as lucky, I was quite a good lucking guy and built like a warship, so nobody ever bullied me again after I left home, even though I was different with a weird tic, people liked to be around me.



legomyego
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05 Jul 2012, 10:46 pm

little more info on the situation might help...imo

i'm 23 as well, i used to be very emotionally/verbally abused by my dad when i was young...

now it's not so bad......but sometimes he is still abusive.

I am working on school is the primary reason i am still living with my parents...

Once i finish community college and begin university i will finally move away from my parents but i do worry about my ability to do so simply from the thoughts of "uselessness" due to the abuse

I have not had a job in two years is another reason i still live at home..

hopefully i will be able to get loans for college and my plans of escape won't be thwarted.