Do Aspies stand annoying Aspie behaviour better than NTs do?

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I'm not sure that I do, although I should do, being better able to understand it, and if there's any truth in the idea of getting feeling of camaradery from knowing we're in the same boat. I think there's been some improvement since I was diagnosed, but I still get this weird thing where they'll do something that annoys me, and I'll try to eradicate the same behaviour from myself, if it's there in me too, which it often is. It doesn't annoy me enough to get rid of them, which is maybe my saving grace, but it's the initial annoyance that concerns me here, and I'm wondering if it ever goes away. It's weird to think back to when I'd just been diagnosed, and would want to correct anybody who took offense from / wanted to exclude anybody for anything that could be explained in terms of AS traits.

A complicating factor in my case is that during my childhood I would witness my mother repeatedly railing at Dad for what I now know to be Aspie behaviour......she seemed to feel that he didn't really love her because he had no emotional vocabulary, he came over to her as aloof, unromantic, over-practical, unreasuring, and insensitive. He never got his "talking past the point" under control, and in those days couldn't even understand that people weren't as fascinated with his stuff as he was, so he'd get resentful when they couldn't listen any longer.....we were all quite wary of getting "trapped" by him like that.

So I'd have grown up with a negative gut reaction to a number of Aspie traits. I think there could be something in this, because mostly the traits and behaviours that annoy me the most are the ones that make me feel kind of unloved, like if somebody I'm close to does something that's pretty obviously going to hurt me but they seem to have no idea of the emotional impact of what they're doing. At such times it feels almost demeaning to explain the problem, and I feel that they should "just know." Is it normal for an Aspie (particularly a male) to feel like that, or have I just soaked up Mum's angst?

Just because we're Aspies doesn't change the fact of our being human. At times (depending on circumstance) anyone can annoy anyone.

I do know that with regard to some things that annoy me, they are things that I dislike about myself sometimes but sometimes they aren't. ToughDiamond, it is possible that your Mother's views rubbed of on you a bit but it could equally be possible that regardless of parental influence that you'd get annoyed at people for doing these things. It is also possible that you experience of being "trapped" led you to dislike feeling that way as an adult.

Aspies areen't easier for me to understand. Theory of mind means it is diffficult for me to see things from other's views. I don't understand people who have obsessions that aren't mine. I don't feel empathy for aspies with visual sensory problems because I don't have them and I find their behavior irritating. I don't feel any special connection with aspies. I prefer to talk to people interested in my special interests, NT or not. I don't feel we're all in the same AS boat. I can't relate to people who have education problems but don't care about making friends because that is the opposite of my situation. That is why I don't really feel an "autistic culture" - it isn't like there is some subset of people I identify with. Sure we share a disorder but part of that disorder is deficits in taking another's perspective.

I think Ive only known one undiagnosed AS type guy. I found that I avoided him for several reasons.

A) He was too much like me and it creeped me out.
B) I felt that being near him made it more difficult to pass for normal.
C) His special interest didnt interest me and it was all he wanted to talk about
D) I had little to learn socially from him. To mimic him would be regressive.

Though I speak in low tones of limited range I can be quite expressive if the need arises. This guy was pure monotone or very close to it. And if you are trying to escape the AS traits camp (though I didnt have a name for it), hanging out with other escapees just draws attention. At that time in my life (early 20s) I was trying to escape or at least learn to pass.

I would tolerate it better than the average person would. I do it, because I don't want to hurt the other person the way that I've been hurt by intolerant people.

That's easier to say than to do.

I've met a grand total of 2 confirmed aspies, one of whom was quite like me; straight to the point the rare occasions he talked and always about general topics to avoid falling into a rant, whereas the other one was very clingy and didn't know when to shut up. (<- my annoyance shining through)

So no, being an aspie does not give us the magical ability to tolerate every other aspie.

Not really."stand" is the wrong word.An aspie can send me into overload sometimes quicker than someone else BUT I have a higher understanding for it and it makes a difference.

I understand aspie-isms, but they're still just as annoying to me as it would be if I was NT.

I have found other aspie behavior annoying just like other aspies have found my AS behavior annoying.

I think I have found annoying others that have displayed autistic behaviours in the past because they did not fit my concept of how humans were meant to behave. That they acted outside my highly-developed formula, therefore made less sense to me, frustrated me. I hope to be more tolerant in future.

I find most behavior in people annoying. Whether it's NTs or Aspies. The people I'm most annoyed by are the people exactly like me. My best friend is an aspie and we get along well. We have the same interest, if we didn't have the same interest I don't know how we'd get on.

Oh, though, I'd have to say that my best friends throughout school had, if not AS, quirky traits!

In a way, that's true, as I've known some others with Aspie traits, and someone who was definitely autistic. I think one reason why my boyfriend and I have been together for as long as we have been is that I notice some Aspie traits in him, and he was accepting of me when I came out as Aspie to him. I've seen some NT's who thought aspie behaviors were annoying, and one person was actually rude about it. Not that long after I got my diagnosis, I decided it was better if I cut off contact with that particular NT, and it's been years since I crossed out his phone number from my phone book, and when I changed e-mail addresses, he didn't get an e-mail about the change, so if this person tried to e-mail me, it bounced.

Edit: remove bunch of bs didn't need to be there. answer: no, they're just as annoying as NTs who pull the same crap and it's why I feel no more connection or empathy for people with AS and don't believe in any bs autism unity c**p.

Last edited by KBerg on 20 Mar 2011, 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes I do. I usually like other Aspies, but there was one guy at my high school who had to talk through tests to make sense of them. I needed the room to be quiet to concentrate. I am only half-joking when I say I sometimes fantasized about killing him for the sake of my GPA.

It doesn't matter to me who the behavior is coming from. When I find something annoying, it's annoying regardless of where it came from. It's just annoying. End of story.