oldie and a newbie- my oxymoron

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Hello everyone! I’ve been on a self-discovery trail most of my life. I'm heading towards 60 and have finally found answers. Yay!! But without getting to detailed into my person (I hope I can do that!) I have a question. Has anyone felt like some part of their core never matured? And when I say that I mean inhibited from learning and growing in a certain area. In my case, I was always feeling like everyone (older and younger) was much more knowledgeable, could make a better decision, had all the right answers and some other stuff I can’t articulate. Another way I can generalize this is I always felt like a child and everyone else was an adult/parent. (That is just a piece of me. I'm made up of alot of pieces.) I started seeing this when I went on anxiety medication in my 30’s because I had so much anxiety about it. Many therapists throughout the years never got it. But I got a host of medications! They didn't see or address the dead spots. (Those 'dead spots' for me where places that stopped growing and maturing with the rest of me. I guess sleeping spots would be better? - it's really evolution in preparation for our predecessors)…and yes, I love scifi. Is this a dating site?

Welcome to WP!

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet.

No, it's not a dating site, it's more somewhere those on the spectrum can discus things without our questions and answers marking us out as weird or difficult.

I seem to be very immature in comparison to those around me.

True in my case.

A major part of me somewhere, remains or still a preadolescent. I don't even had anything significant on that age range except 'being delayed'.
Not really 'dead', more like 'slow'. Painstakingly slow. And it may or may not get slower, or even regress as I age.

And I'm currently past legal age, graduated college and holding a job for few years now. I still feel like a 'newbie' that just has a lot of knowledge by doing the job, than an experienced unit of said job.
That part of me is dragging me down on the business side of my life -- like my worse cases of executive functions are dragging my performance down and possibly stopping my growth even if I want to progress beyond that.


Oh, and I don't even take meds. Never took a single psych med in my life. I overcame anxiety over 7+ years ago, which is before my adulthood. I gained a semblance of the same level of awareness less than 4+ years ago, which is over a year after I got my first job.

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I'm 57 years old.

I am nowhere near 57 in most areas. I'm more like a guy just "starting out"--in my 20's.

Unfortunately, I LOOK more like I'm 57 than I act.

I have a strong tendency to howl in the subways.

A lot of adults with autism feel like that. It is a developmental disorder after all. So in your case it's perfectly natural.

I can relate to not growing up. I went back to uni, everybody around me is in their twenties, and sometimes I am more childish than them. I particuarly hate when I do something that I know is stupid, but in the moment I am too stressed out to make a rational decision, and I repeat every mistake I have ever made.

I'm similar. I'm 53, but really just getting started on normal adult life. I have a good education, but only got my driver's license at 48. I'm embarrassed and frustrated at times with how much ground I have to make up. I think I could have done things long ago, but others didn't seem to agree. I feel fortunate when I'm with friends and I have anything normal to share. I may never know what it's like to be married and be loved. I don't feel that anyone would be interested in me in a romantic way. I am the person people go to for factual information. There is more to me than that. I have a lot of love and compassion to share and I think I could really work in a helping profession someday.

Its much better to be an oxymoron----than it is to be a pure moron.

Yep. I'm 57, and I'm still conjuring up bad, sophomoric puns.....

I have that "child amongst the grown ups" feeling a lot. I feel like it gets worse as I age - the difference between me and the peers that I grew up with gets wider year by year as they accumulate experiences that I will probably never have. I just want to crawl under a rock when they start talking about their partners, children, mortgage, car, career etc. - for sure, I am pretty introverted, but it is difficult to be any more extrovert when I have nothing of substance to add to the conversation.

I also know the lack of understanding from therapists. They all seem to assume that there is a normal "grown-up" me hidden inside which will be revealed when whatever anxiety or depression is lifted. They never understand that I never learned those aspects of being a human being to begin with, so there is nothing to reveal.

I find it strange that autism is never considered to be a "learning disability" - as if "learning" only applies to academic knowledge but not social knowledge. My "blindness" to social cues seems as profound as the difficulties that friends with dyslexia and dyscalcula have with words and numbers, but my difficulties are always assumed to be "just" a "mood" disorder. If I point out my lack of intuition or experience, it is assumed to be purely "negative thinking", as if some hidden reservoir of knowledge and instinct will magically appear if only I had a more positive attitude. Frustrating!

Anybody who can combine a troglodyte and a Luddite definitely DOES have something to say.

I know what you mean, though. Never had kids---probably the easiest way to make your way amongst people.

I am officially a senior citizen but I feel like I'm 8 inside. This has caused a lot of problems in the past before I realised what was going on (ie when I self diagnosed).

I could never believe that people wanted me to take the lead at school or in jobs and I was way behind when it came to dating.

One result was that I was always more comfortable dealing with people younger than myself.

I have only started to come to terms with my chronological age since my father died 3 years ago and I became the oldest male member of my family. I still don't feel 65 but I know that I have to play being it in the same way that I have had to play at being NT "normal" for all of my life; but it does leave one in an odd limbo being in at least two places at once.

However I don't want to change, just keep the "social me" running in parallel with the real me.