That feeling when you don't know where you actually belong

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Feeling disattached from family and society can be painful, but sometimes when I look at other people's lives I'm not actually sure If I would like to be one of them. NT's seem so attached to each other that they look so vulnerable, their bonds are like a bottle of glasses, very thin and empty. And it looks like people want to have more of these bottles but don't care what's actually inside them. Maybe I'm wrong but It just feels too shallow for me, I can't start a relationship this way.

I know what you mean, as far as watching NTs interact. It is based on a delicate interchange, careful social judgment....I would feel like an actor on a stage careful not to make a misstep. However, to them it must feel fairly spontaneous and natural.

I wonder if that's true. At first I didn't want to believe that, but now when I think of it, maybe I once fell into that problem you are describing. I was chasing relationships and always flying to the next one. I thought that was happiness, but I was only chasing for the high. "Bonds are like a bottle of glasses, very thin and empty, and nobody cares what's inside". I guess you may be correct. Many relationships are shallow and it's often simply a game you play. And deep inside I don't like that. Back then I did not care what was inside of that bottle and yes, maybe it was shallow and not worth it. But sometimes it feels like it was the only time when I was truly happy. You may be correct and it may be true that these relationships that are made of glass are not worth it because when the glass shatters, it only leaves bleeding wounds left on your skin.

But still I miss it...I want to feel that shattered glass and the cuts it brings. I wish I could go back to that, but I simply can't...

I agree. I often feel like NT's collect friends the way we collect information. They seem so self satisfied the more "friends" they have even though their relationships are so shallow. I don't get it and stopped trying to understand it a long time ago.

Well, they say the grass always looks greener on the other side eh?
Many of us are driven by a sense of hope. Hope that the next relationship is "the one".


I think I know what you mean, although the more intelligent people (NTs or Aspies it doesn't matter), I think would be less vulnerable because of risk awareness and not being so gullible to herd-mentality (which often causes trouble).
I've never been in a shallow relationship or had shallow friendships. I can smell "shallowness" in people like I can smell rotten fish. I'm sure you can learn to detect shallow behaviour in people, especially when they try to be your buddy for a quick favour, or try to lick someone ass.

From my experience, the bonds I have had with people, including some very affectionate relationships, the powerful feeling of security that you get ; the feeling of solidarity,sharing of interests and opinions, and sense of humour, really makes oneself feel great inside. When in a relationship it feels so warm, so cosy. Love can be delicate but also powerful. The benefits outweigh the risks.


Well take it slowly ; learn about someone a little at a time. In all the relationships I've been in, at no time have I ever thought like "I don't know what's inside this bottle". It I don't like it, then you will will find out early enough so that you don't get hurt. Usually. But as always there are exceptions.

If you fear all risk, then that would be like my mother. Lonely and depressed. I wouldn't recommend that on anyone.

Very interesting analogy.

Where I live, hippie commune, a lot of people have "polyamorous" relationships going &, to my sensibilities, it all seems utterly manipulative, irresponsible and shallow.

I feel like this all the time in the outside world as time goes by I start feeling more like locking myself away, eventually I am afraid I will end up a Hikikimori. I have been always wanting to try to fit in but never being able to fit in always an outsider, Wrong Planet seems to be one of the few places I feel I belong because at least here I know I am no longer alone.[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Z2IJuS5Ks[/youtube] This is how I feel the world views me every day.

I look at most of the world and see a lot of useless relationships. Most people seem only to care about feeling good and partying rather than having a close friendship and being able to discuss deep topics. To them, friendship is a shallow construct that can mean something as meaningless as someone to drink beer and watch sporting events with. Just look at all of the shallow people who collect Facebook "friends" like some people might collect stamps. Do they actually know most of these people? Probably not. However, their sense of self is seemingly validated by a counter showing how many people "friended" them on a website. To me though, friendship is a much deeper thing that takes time to develop. It's based upon trust, compatibility and knowing someone else's needs, and vice versa.