Interesting Pattern

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I have noticed, reading posts and posting myself that a lot of WP people have issues with their friends and family disregarding their autism. Some of us can’t get a diagnosis straight, or lost it or can’t afford it or have been unlucky getting it. Is this common with AS to be around unsporting or unbelieving people.

In my case I think being female has been a problem. I get confronted with phrases such as “You are a woman I expect better of you”, for example, a lot during my life and more so now that I turned 29. Those who could help me seek a diagnosis, for example, refuse to. A friend went so far as to tell me that it was disgusting that I came to WP, to “piggy back” off people with serious problems.
Apparently I can write well, I can draw, I can be eloquent and “social when I feel like it” therefore I do not have a problem, just self-centeredness.

I do not even use this sight when I am not alone, due to fear that I will be insulted again. Told that coming here is like “using a wheelchair when I don’t need one to get into the Special Olympics or a sober person going to AA meetings”.
Why is autism so hard to accept and understand?

I do not want to use it as a crutch, but when I make a mistake, a social mistake, I do not like it when people treat me like I am devious, conniving and mean. I am not mean or do things to hurt people.

I just do not understand. And I noticed that a lot of people here have that problem especially with friends and family.

Mirror, you're not alone in that. I'm not sure why autism is that way, but it is for some people. I think it's partly because it's a hidden disability. We tend to hide the pain of it, and some of us have learned enough to get by, more or less. And we learn to hide our meltdowns so we don't alienate the few friends we have. Hide all that and all people see is a person who's a bit odd, and rude at times, etc.

If you can, try to get a diagnosis from a professional. When I self-diagnosed, I got almost no support. At best, I was humored. I was accused of joining the "Mental Illness of the Month Club" and other things. When I got my actual diagnosis, a lot of friends came around; though I wonder if friend is the right word given how they acted when I confided in them. My family didn't come around until I had the diagnosis either, but now they are becoming more supportive. You may find the same happens when you get a diagnosis, but then you may not. I have a few friends that haven't really talked to me since getting the real diagnosis. /shrug

And I've read that it is harder for women. If you haven't yet, read Aspergirls. There is advice in there that may help you and your family.

But don't let random people tell you what is and isn't wrong with you. If the diagnosis fits, then you're probably right. Self-diagnosis is usually pretty accurate. So even if they aren't working with you, read up on it and practice social skills yourself. Whether they believe you or not, if the problem behaviors start going away because you're working on it, then they may warm up to you again.

I have no interest in getting a Dx, EXCEPT that my wife and family are totally unsupportive. The only reason I would get one would be to go "see?" and I doubt even then it would make a difference. The only support I really have is right here, on WP.

I've gotten about a 50/50 response to my self diagnosis. I am still trying to sort it out and have finally been able to get my mom to help me with it. Other people who have known me outside for a long time that are not family though seem to have no issue with the diagnosis and think it fits.

As far as getting a professional diagnosis, I am seriously considering it. The problem is that I am poor and also dealing with other issues like depression and anxiety. I am hoping I can get some help because of my income but am not certain I can. I am also trying to return to school this fall and would really like to know if I am autistic so that I can deal with school better.

I don't mean to steer this into a tangent but I sometimes wonder if this is a symptom of a mental health crisis in this country. This serious lack of the ability for people to get treatment or even recognition there may be a problem.

I can imagine this going on with AS / Autism or so many other things.

I know in America culturally there is a very fervent attitude of self reliance and responsibility. I'm not sure if admitting "I need help" directly conflicts with that attitude and the kneejerk reaction is you need to deal with it.

This may be further complicated as the OP mentioned though if you appear at all "capable" of basically negotiating your way through the world. I can imagine other people with Personality Disorders being told to grow up or get it together.

I guess this thread just makes me think there is a lot of unneeded silent suffering going on.

I was diagnosed as a child, in the mid-90's - I have HFA. I once remember telling someone about my autism, and not only did they not believe I had it, they didn't think it existed, and refused to believe it did...

I've had many people think I don't have autism, though, even with an official diagnosis. They only see me when I'm doing my best at trying to do social interaction well - they don't see how much that drains me - and they dismiss my autistic traits as eccentricities. That's why I don't tell people about my autism anymore - I just disclose some of the issues I have like sensory issues, or explaining why I do my many stims and tics and compulsive movements.

My family barely ever talked about it. They're who got me the diagnosis, though - they also see me when I'm at home, and have seen how I was my entire life - so they have no doubt I have it.

I was lucky enough to be diagnosed with AS before I even heard of it. But even then, when I told my friends at school they said it was just a medical name for a personality type. I said no, no, but they thought they were right. Later on they gradually accepted it was real, especially when my best friend's mother bought a book on AS.

My mum still doesn't appreciate how difficult social situations are for me and she insists I have "a slight touch of Asperger's" when it's not a "slight touch" by a long shot. She still thinks I'm ridiculous when I can't handle certain things and she even offers to make phone calls for me but then she tells the person on the other end that I'm the one who will give the information and suddenly springs the phone upon me. Ugh!! ! Then later she says I'm being pathetic and ridiculous when I was furious with her. This is just one example. I seriously hate when people don't appreciate how difficult things are for me. Mostly she is supportive but she just doesn't get these things.

I hate people calling me things like that. Don't they realise it's hard enough dealing with the actual situation without having to endure their insults?

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to be self-diagnosed.

You are definitely NOT alone with this; I get grief from my sister that assumes that I'm being rude all the time. When I told her that it could be possible that I have Asperger's Syndrome, she basically ridiculed me and all of a sudden she thought that she was an expert in it, just because she knew a boy in her class that has it and now assumes that every Aspergian is a boy and is interested in Science and Maths etc...that's why I can't wait until I have my diagnostic assessment sometime later this month; I've waited nearly a year for this, and maybe now she can be proved wrong and she can finally leave me alone!

I also got this sort of reaction from my godmother; her reaction shocked me because she's usually a very nice and understanding person. However, when my mother told her about this (without my permission), she basically 'quizzed' me about why I think I had it and with every answer I gave, she tried to overshadow them with her own opinions; because I don't fit every symptom in her proverbial book of AS, she thinks it's impossible that I have it.

Everyone thinks that I'm just extremely shy, stubborn and very particular with the way I do things. I've also been told (yes, TOLD) by people in the past that I just have low 'self-esteem' and 'self-confidence' just because I'm socially awkward, don't and just because I don't usually go out to places. I've also been told by my mum in the past that I'm lazy just because I stayed at home for my whole Summer holiday one year, teaching myself Spanish on a computer when it was just one of my special interests!

Honestly, I'm so sick of people telling me what I'm thinking and how I feel! They don't know what goes on in my mind and they shouldn't try to; I'm my own person and this is just how I cope with life.