eye contact nearly mastered

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I seem to be pretty good at eye contact but only if I'm thinking about eye contact

I know how you feel. When I make eye contact I panic that I'm staring so I look away and that just makes me panic that I look disinterested.

If I'm thinking about eye contact I can't think about talking.

My eye contact is OK, I think. Not too little, not too much, as long as I am doing it on purpose. Otherwise, people get The Stare. I'm not sure what The Stare looks like, because no one has given it to me, and I can't see myself do it. It's the unfocused I'm not home version, not the Dementor suck out your soul version.

I'm okay with eye contact. I usually look at the people and try to mirror their posture and mimic (learned it therapy school) - it was pretty hard to get around it, but, once I perfected it, it works like a charm on people. I also need to do this mirroring thing to keep my ADHD mind on track: if I didn't do this, I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they say more often than not.

However, I find that, when the conversation is interesting and when I'm relaxed around the person (a family member or a close friend), I tend to lose eye contact and it often takes a long time until I become aware I'm not doing this anymore. Doesn't seem to bother them though, as long as I mirror them non-verbally whenever we are talking about some important issue of theirs - they feel supported when they need to, so they don't get all insecure around me when talking about casual stuff...

i too tend to give people that stare. my eye contact is better these days i think but then i have not been paying attention to how much i do it and i do not hang with people who constantly feel they can criticise me for it. when i do deem it fit to pay attention to how much i do it though i have noticed that i do not do it. i kinda do not make eye contact but make it look casual. or i just dont make it and it looks awkward. i also soften my vision a little when i look at people so they look blury because my vision is not focused or look at their cheekbones. um maybe my eye contact isnt as good as i think it is.

I'm glad you are all improving your eye contact. It was something I struggled with throughout my time in primary school, but it comes naturally to me now. When maintaining eye contact with people, I tend to focus more on what I'm trying to say to the person which leaves little room for me to worry about how I'm presenting myself. Also, to ease into it you could focus your visual attention onto something just passed them to give the illusion of full eye contact. Hand gestures, movement, and facial expressions can help it seem more natural if you have to force it, as it could be seen as a blank stare and can give off negative body language if there is no movement.

As I say, it comes naturally to me now and I understand some of what I said may not be for someone to apply to themselves, but I do hope it is of some help to others. These things can take time to master, one step at a time.

this. that and I listen better when the other person's talking if I don't make eye contact.

LOL! Apparently, I have this on occasion! I never knew it until I took a counseling class and people gave you feedback on your nonverbals. I am apparently also very rigid in the way I sit.

I either dart my eyes to the face occasionally or stare at the mouth. I don't bother withh the eyes. I gave up on that. Staring at the mouth has the added bonus of helping me to really focus on what the person might be saying.

My eye contact skills are deteriorating, and for this I got yelled at yesterday:(

Here is what the psychologist wrote when I was diagnosed with autism recently:

Mr X responded to the evaluator's greeting and made adequate eye contact but at times his eye contact appeared somewhat forced.

I learned to make eye contact decades ago because if you do not, NTs think you are hiding something. I never knew I was on the spectrum. Eye contact has become habit mostly but even with forty years of practice it is never quite right.

This made me chuckle because i think i give The Stare a lot even when I am not really looking at a person.