Always expected to have all the answers

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Keeno
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20 Jul 2012, 8:07 am

Who else finds that they are always expected to have all the answers, all the time? This is what I experience in many settings, including work. I am constantly expected to have all the answers in my head and remember every fact. And I don't.

I frequently look stupid because I'm asked a question and don't know the answer, though the other person perceives me to have such a super-retentive memory that I should.

It's an aspect of living as an Aspie the way I do which annoys me. I totally understand those who are annoyed by people's association of autism with savantism.



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20 Jul 2012, 9:48 am

I can relate a little. Pretty much a 'work-only' phenomenon for me. Like you, I can understand 'why' the situation is happening: I've demonstrated impressive memory/recall in the past... and repeatedly... to the point to where it is expected. Serves me right, I suppose...

More often than not, I'll "be good" and smile, walk to my computer (if I'm not at it already) and get them their answer. "Here you go!" I say with a big, dumb grin. Everyone's happy.

Other times, if I'm "not in the mood", I will simply revert to my natural, smart-ass state, using one of the following retorts:
- [If it's a 'general knowledge' question] There's this thing called 'Google.' It's pretty amazing. You should TOTALLY check it out sometime. (or a variant of some sort; for example, substitute 'Google' with 'Wikipedia' or 'dictionary.com').
- [If it's a technical question] Well, I'll consult the manual. I suppose I AM uniquely qualified to do so... (rolls eyes).
- [All purpose response] "I don't f______ know, man. I don't remember every f______ thing..." (and further, muttered obscenities and profanities).

While not particularly diplomatic responses, I do at least have the good sense to keep the REALLY offensive stuff in my head.

Regards to all.



Joe90
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20 Jul 2012, 11:52 am

It's the complete opposite to me - people think I don't know nothing and so never bother asking me anything.


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kraven
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20 Jul 2012, 1:50 pm

I'm the top dog in my science classes because of how much I can retain and study.

People will begin to debate the name of a muscle and then it's "ask Kraven" time.



LtlPinkCoupe
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20 Jul 2012, 2:34 pm

Oh my lord, it seems like my dad and stepmom always expect me to know/remember everything off the top of my head, too...it drives me absolutely INSANE!! 8O I'm sure that THEY don't have instant recall of everything they might need to know/remember, so why do they expect ME to?


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CyborgUprising
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20 Jul 2012, 3:07 pm

Somehow people always think to ask me about anything (even the most random of things/things I would logically have no knowledge of, like celebrities). When I don't have the answer, people will say "What good are you then?"



Kenjitsuka
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20 Jul 2012, 3:13 pm

They used to call me "the walking encyclopedia" or "walking bookcloset".
I was unsure if this is a compliment or a sneer, because at times I feel worthless, subhuman or robotic...


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Kalika
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20 Jul 2012, 4:21 pm

My mom kind of does this to me - somehow I got a reputation in the family for having a "really good memory", and I'm the one whom she goes to when she can't remember names, dates,......etc. (especially frustrating when I barely knew the people whom she's asking about)



outofplace
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20 Jul 2012, 4:35 pm

I have the same experience. Lately though I have been trying to reduce this expectation of me by stating that I don't think I know everything and that I can be wrong. I think the issue with me is the way I come off. When talking about most subjects, my lack of certain verbal and non-verbal cues seems to give off an air of confidence and arrogance to the NT world that I rarely intend to do. I am better about it now, but it took me years of trying to perfect these things to not come off as an arrogant ass all the time.


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Nymeria8
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20 Jul 2012, 4:58 pm

People often have this expectation of me. My mom calls me teh encyclopedia. I do in fact have a very good memory. Especially for details and odd facts. However, if I am having sensory or emotional regualtions issues, I have trouble retrieving the information or retaining it. So sometimes I just don't know for some odd reson and I end up frustrated with myself or others for having those expectations. (also sometimes I just don't have the patience to have a conversation so I will tune out and pretend I don't know stuff even though I do)


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Atomsk
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20 Jul 2012, 5:25 pm

kraven wrote:
I'm the top dog in my science classes because of how much I can retain and study.

People will begin to debate the name of a muscle and then it's "ask Kraven" time.


The same thing happened to me in language classes my entire life.

People would always ask me "hey Atomsk, how do you say..." or say "ask Atomsk" to each other whenever they can't figure something out.

In general the people I know act the same way - I've demonstrated my memory and retention, and massive amounts of knowledge in certain areas, so everyone expects me to know a bunch of stuff - then when I don't know something they often are disappointed or surprised: "what? how can you not know that?" even though they didn't know it either.



Kenjitsuka
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21 Jul 2012, 6:38 am

outofplace wrote:
When talking about most subjects, my lack of certain verbal and non-verbal cues seems to give off an air of confidence and arrogance to the NT world that I rarely intend to do.


That's exactly what I was told a few weeks ago!
Too bad I apparently came off as "arrogant" for 29+ years prior to that message!
If someone would have said something earlier I could've compensated as I do with everything else NT related... :roll:

My therapist said "You basically give off no nonverbal and verbal cues when speaking, so the other person is only getting 'half' of the "normal" cues.".
For NT's it seems *what* you say is just a bit of the communication instead of ALL of it... how weird is that?! !!


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The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: You scored 132 aloof, 126 rigid and 132 pragmatic. IQ: 139. AQ: 45/50


Kenjitsuka
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21 Jul 2012, 6:44 am

Nymeria8 wrote:
People often have this expectation of me. My mom calls me teh encyclopedia. I do in fact have a very good memory. Especially for details and odd facts. However, if I am having sensory or emotional regualtions issues, I have trouble retrieving the information or retaining it. So sometimes I just don't know for some odd reson and I end up frustrated with myself or others for having those expectations. (also sometimes I just don't have the patience to have a conversation so I will tune out and pretend I don't know stuff even though I do)


Exactly this!

On a sidenote, since I've been taking Seroquel and anti-depressants I have been experiencing huge amounts of trouble retaining and recalling information...
Before my memory was perfect, and my mom always proudly told everyone I had a "photographic memory", which is in fact a wholly different thing.


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Empathy quotient: 14
Your Aspie score: 185 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 14 of 200
The Broad Autism Phenotype Test: You scored 132 aloof, 126 rigid and 132 pragmatic. IQ: 139. AQ: 45/50