Could you be an extrovert if they were accepted by others?

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I feel like when I was younger I was more out-going and was able to act like myself. I do legitimately enjoy being around others, speaking my mind, and even acting silly and having fun.

But after years of mistakes I think I shut down and put up many guards to protect myself. Now I am very quiet and lead a rich inner life rather than express myself for fear of rejection. I also spend time alone rather than with friends. Still, a part of me wishes I could be myself in front of others. I don't think people are born introverted or extroverted, they just turn one way or the other depending on how they are treated by others. Does anyone else feel the same way?

I don't really know. Arguably there's a difference between being outgoing and being extroverted. I'm pretty outgoing, just I don't know if I'm extroverted. But, I'm outgoing but socially oblivious sometimes, so I end up learning of whatever social errors I make and going "oh, well, everyone hates me and I'm just gonna not talk to anyone."

I just started reading through Attwood's book. He mentions adaptive strategies in youth on an internal/external maladaptive/adaptive level... In my experience, I fall on the external side. Both the blaming/denial/anger/aggressive aspect and the more "useful" observe and mimic/adopt side. I've often had to wonder which part of me was just persona over the years.

It was explained to me that you can define extrovert simply as someone who gets their 'batteries' recharged by being around people, and an introvert as someone who gets their 'batteries' recharged by being by themselves. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how loud you are or how much of a goof-ball you can be. When I'm in the right kind of company I'm happy being the centre of attention, telling funny stories, having strong opinions etc, but I know for sure I'm an introvert, as I can only do so much socialising before I need my alone time, and that's how I recharge.

I do, in fact, think that people are born somewhere along the spectrum of introverted and extroverted, according to the above definitions. But just because you lean towards one or the other doesn't mean you are set to behave in any particular way. It's the behaviour that's changed through experience.

I would need to find enough people to live in my universe.

I'm not an extrovert. I can fake it, but I pay for it in energy and recovery time.

Among friends, I can be very outgoing, vocal and energetic. But even among friends, there is a cost in energy and recovery time. It's just less.

As for being introverts vs. extroverts, you are born with a strong inclination toward one or the other. Check out Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, if you want a fascinating read on the topic.

I'm a naturally born introvert, lost in her inner dream world. I need alone time to recharge my batteries. But I'm also outgoing, loud and talkative (I can talk people's ears off with my special interests), especially when I'm around family and friends (I have ADHD, so picture how a hyperactive person behaves and you have it). Still, I'm socially awakward and have suffered from social anxiety most of my life, which makes me more quiet and withdrawn when I'm around people I don't feel comfortable with.

I read the title to this thread & instantly thought that this sounds like me.

If I start working at a place that already has an established clique of dickeads, I find it practically impossible to make an impression on the group.

But, if I start working somewhere with a completely brand-new crew of workers, then I quickly become a confident, loud, humerous person, while in their company.

It depends on the other personality types, obviously.

There are a lot of introverts and there are a lot of extroverts, but it's not like ''you're either an introvert or an extrovert''. Some, or a lot of people, just rank somewhere in the middle. I'm not sure about my aunt. She says she's introverted, and she stays away from social situations and finds it hard to be herself when there is a stranger in the group, and she doesn't have any friends only her boyfriend (who can't find anybody else either so they have just stuck together), but when she goes out in the street she seems able to make good eye contact with strangers and greet them when they go by with great confidence in her speech. So I must be more introverted than my aunt then because I find making good eye contact with strangers in the street incredibly difficult and also very scary.

It's true, there are shades of gray, but I'm talking about the progression from somewhat extroverted (few inhibitions, enjoying other's company, energized around friends) to introverted (in my shell, preferring to be alone, exhausted by others) during childhood. The progression was gradual based on social problems. So now I behave better, but it's a lot more work.

Being around others and talking are not inherently exhausting acts. Thinking at a thousand thoughts per second in other to behave in acceptable ways is.