Age you discovered the non-verbal?

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I was 39 when I had the eureka moment, when I discovered that not every message is said directly, that some messages are coded using certain words but intending to mean something totally different. Eg: "I've been busy", "what do you do for a living?".

It took me another 10 years to gradually discover how crucial the above discovery is for interaction with humans, how massive non-verbal communication actually is and, as a result, that there was a whole world right in front of my eyes I'd been blind to for 4 decades.

Along the way, by force of analysing words for hidden intent, I discovered commonalities among humans, and this led me to read that there is such a thing as Theory of Mind that makes NTs know all of the above intuitively without needing eureka moments after decades of self-and others-search.

I was in my late forties when I learned how to use all this a bit to my advantage, eg. in order to delay some the inevitable being fired from jobs.

What stood between me and a bit more control over my life was just the knowledge of a fact: there's such a thing as the non-verbal. What if I'd stumbled upon this little piece of information at age 8, or 16, or 22 or 31? How would my life have been different? In this sense, what is it like to be a young aspie in the WrongPlanet era?

I am 38 and still trying to learn these things. Some of it is obvious, but I still can't tell the difference between flirtatiousness and anger unless someone tells me directly.

hi

good question!
but you should have used steps of 5 instead of steps of 10. then the results would be more precise

but anyhow good idea

I was 30 when i realized that "eye contact" is the hidden mechanism to see if someone is interested in you or not. Before i was completely unaware of this which cost me lots of nerves and drove me somehow crazy.

thanks
anton

How do you interpret the non vernal meaning of the examples you used?

Just curious. l don't know what the secret code behind "l've been busy" is either. Unless you just mean a person has used it after avoiding you but that doesn't always mean that's the case. l assume "what do you do for a living?" is also means of gathering information about one's personality.

But just so you know l am NT and if l said these things to someone, there would really be no hidden meaning behind them.

Seven or eight when I was aware that it existed. Over 33 when I knew how to interpret it (I'm 33 now, and I don't know).

Late 20s. A friend was doing a research paper on non-verbal communication and his theory that no two people can ever truly communicate. I got into a huge argument with him over just how much of a conversation is nonverbal (I insisted the verbal communication is what mattered, and he said expression, tone of voice, and body language were far more important).

I have no clue what any of your examples have to do with nonverbal stuff...

However, 13 because that's when I was told I probably had Asperger's.

I don't remember ever really not being aware of it. I've never been able to read it or keep up with how much of it there apparently is, but I've always known there was something other than verbal communication. Rather than struggling to understand it all, I've tried to use my lack of proper nonverbal communication to give myself a degree of gravitas.

I didn't discover it at all, it was pointed out to me by parents and grandparents. I don't know if I would have figured it out without their help because I was so young when they sort of clued me in. Still, it's taken a long time to recognize the volume of information transmitted nonverbally, and I still miss a lot of the codes.

I was probably a teenager when I became aware of the existence of nonverbal communication. I still don't really understand it. I know I'm missing a great deal of the signals sent by others. I do better with "reading" young children who generally send more obvious nonverbal signals than older children and adults. I still haven't figured out how to use body language and nonverbal signals, and how to be in control of the nonverbal signals I'm sending. I think it does influence the way others see me, and I don't get afforded the same level of respect and acknowledgement as other people as a result. It does have a detrimental effect on me, personally and professionally, and it is a problem. More and more I'm realizing that other people's impressions of one aren't generally rooted in what one knows or does, but the image one presents. When one reaches her thirties without an understanding of how to use nonverbal signals and body language, that creates a huge disadvantage, especially when one can't muster the mental energy to put much time or effort into her physical appearance. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out a means of remedying this, and I know I need to if I want to experience any level of success in any area of my life ever.

I think from around 10 onwards (possibly younger - but I put 10-15) as I don't remember for sure I when knew non-verbal communication existed.

Of course this might be a sign I'm not fully on the autism spectrum or at least at the mild end.

My parents had trained as actors so told me about it.

I also did a psychology GCSE for fun (age 16-17) at college as an optional subject and this included some aspects of body language and different types of speech.

I was aware through observing bullying behaviours that people said one thing but meant another in my teens, though I often did not understand what the alternate meaning was supposed to be, or whether it had genuine malicious intent or not.

I still don't think I properly or automatically understand the non-verbal though.

(edited for typos)

I've always must have knew about them subconsciously and taught but it was around 11-13 when I worked out that I read them in a different manner to those around me. It was a guy I was sat next to in form room (still my closest friend now) who said I was like a computer and showed little emotion and sometimes incorrectly. I also noticed that he could effortlessly read body language where I had to concentrate but that he would get them wrong/miss things that I would never do and yet he would always interact better than me. Still does now (I'm glad as he's got a good wife and given me 3 fantastic god kids, just wish I could spend time with them).

It was then I realised I was analysing and interpreting their body language not reading it intuitively (never got tonal info right often) but not giving any thought to my own, and decided I had to learn how to act normal. Still not managed to get it right 22 years later, never going to win an Oscar. When I discovered girls I found my biggest flaw that stress, tiredness and my own emotions effect the ability to read other people (do other people suffer like that as well?) and it gets overloaded in group situations (night clubs are hell).

I know that people communicates in non-verbal way from, I think, my first psychotherapy - so from I was 17teen - but from that time this channel of communication is still absolutely incomprehensible for me

I was around 22 and I still struggle with the stuff.