NT's see me as "difficult" and "gay"

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I'm 30, I'm doing MUCH better than I was 10 years ago with "Normals" but today I got burned again. One thing that I've always had difficulty and still do is knowing how others perceive me. Another problem is, no suprise, romantic relationships. Today I got a double wammy.

1.) I'm seen as "difficult." I had a girl tell me that I look like the "difficult type who expects people to do what they say they are going to do." I'm guessing that this is probably an extension of earlier critcisms of "you take life too seriously." Well I have only one life to life so I may as well take is seriously enough to do the things I want to do. Besides, most of the time if I were any more laid back I'd be in a coma.

2.) I'm seen as "gay." I suppose if I actually were gay this wouldn't be a problem, but being hetero does make it an issue. I've been given various reasons having to do with my "behavior" over the years but it's not like I go around kissing guys or wearing bright fabulous clothes. Most say it's the way I walk or hold myself, or my body language in general. I imagine this is probably part of why I've been invisible to women for most of my life. If a lot of women see me as gay then I've probably missed out on more than a few opportunities with women who may have otherwise been interested in me.

Not being interested in sports and reading books doesn't help apparently.

Comments? Criticisms? Candycanes?

That`s gay than I`m pretty gay ang th avatar too
I didn`t know that...

WOW that was sooo helpful...
Do you honestly think that posting pleblain jargon is the way to awnser a serious question.

As for you issue; people are probably not being literal. Sometimes people use the term "gay" to describe a wide range of odditys. (people are actually too stupid to figure out any other words; god bless america and its expansive vocabulary)

I am one of the few aspies able to use and understand sarcasam.

I don't know about you, but I have a young voice. I sound like I am 20 or something. It certainly doesn't sound homosexual though. I am straight. For almost all of my life, I NEVER cussed! I haven't been interested in sports either. That IS it though. I like conservative clothes, dress normal, move normal, and if people watch me carefully, they might even see me trying to know women better, etc... I sometimes make an impression on women, but I probably come off more like a brother than possibly more. Anyway, most are married. I am not acting homosexual at all.

YEP, some have expressed that they thought I was homosexual. One wrote "steves gay" on my car in dust. With so much focus on it, maybe HE is! One spoke of some things as if to center around the idea. He discounted the idea that he was implying anything. AGAIN, he knew words that only a homosexual would know. He had to explain them to me. Maybe he is also. My boss once described a bit of surprise when I spoke of my partner. He had experience with this, because he knew someone that used partner to mean "domestic" partner. I meant partner as in BUSINESS partner! This is probably because they don't see me with friends that are women. Heck, they don't see me with friends that are male either. HECK, I can't STAND homosexuals. I ALSO hate how they coopted the term GAY. I never used the term GAY either, but it used to have only 3 meanings, FUN, COLORFUL, HAPPY. Even the FLINTSTONES talks about "gay old time", and one christmas song does, etc...

I even wrote to a couple females here and went overboard trying to tell them I was just curious, and trying to be nice. I spoke here earlier about how every cell in my body SCREAMED "APPROACH HER", when I saw someone going to a train station that CLEARLY thought as I did. She probably had AS too! I could EASILY have traveled with her for up to an hour without changing EITHER of our schedules. Yet I DIDN'T, SOLELY because PERVERTS have hurt so many that I may be suspect, so I am overly cautious.

If the belief that you are homosexual has no real basis, I guess you can't worry about it. Just try to subtly make it clear to women you aren't.

Steve

I have a lot of trouble convincing people I'm straight, too. What's even more hysterical is that I am apparently every gay man's type-- were I gay, I would never want for a date. I I seem to be a flaming heterosexual.

Yeah,

There are words, colorschemes, motions, straight males must NEVER use or do. LUCKILY, most straight men seem to know that. There are even some statements that might make a woman feel great, appreciative, etc... that are flattering! Yet you just shouldn't say them. It is a shame.

HECK, they have commercials and comedies here about men being STRNGLY encouraged by their wives to buy "feminine sanitary products". In ALL cases, the man is almost embarassed. It is not anything the woman would or should feel embarrassed about. Yet the man does. I guess it is all those young years of "conditioning".

Oh well, ANOTHER aspect of my character explained. I am not homosexual, and I don't think I come off that way, but it explains why I act as I do. Oh for the good old days. I heard that when I was a teenager I would "grow to like girls". I always did! I pretty much had to hide it, because there is a time when I guess kids are not supposed to notice, etc... With me, it just got stronger. I NEVER considered that there would be people attracted to their OWN sex! I guess I was blissfully ignorant about that.

Steve

People at my college probably think I'm gay for the simple fact that I've never dated a girl here. None of the gay guys I know have really flirted with me though; hardly surprising to me. Any worthwhile traits that would make me attractive to either sex are buried deep beneath a bland exterior.

I am rather attracted to several girls I know here, but I haven't done anything about it because I don't get much of a friendly vibe from them. Sometimes I wish I were asexual.

Many of my relatives overseas think I'm gay for no other reason than that I'm over 40 and still single. From people on this side of the ocean, I occasionally have people mistakenly think I'm gay. I don't have a problem with that, though, as I have a lot of gay friends and sometimes hang out with them. So I react to someone thinking I'm gay about the same way as I react to someone who thinks I'm Catholic because I have a French surname with very blatant religious connotations: I simply say "I'm not" and leave it at that.

Mind you, the bright purple scarf I wear in the wintertime does get some people wondering.

OK stinky! I'll shut up on that. If I can't tell, and they don't bug me, etc..., I don't care.

As for who started its use, I DOUBT they were straight. As for the AS connection? I DOUBT THAT! Have you looked at how many are speaking? A good number are STRAIGHT! The OWNER of this site is! And some DO talk about being Asexual. I think if they were more comfortable with the idea, they would prefer having such relations. If they didn't, that would be fine with me. I can understand and even respect that.

My feelings ARE strong there. They started out as just a inborn feeling against the homosexual "lifestyle", but the different groups, like "glaad", etc... have only made it stronger.

I'm sorry if I offended, but that IS the truth!

BTW I won't change much to fit in with any group. If I found out that AS people were almost all "homosexual", I would deny even those symptoms I have, and probably look for some way to fit in better elsewhere. Frankly, I think evidence suggests they aren't though.

Steve

Yeah, I figured you might add the asexuals in. HEY, I didn't say I hated the non straights. I'm FINE with the asexuals! If you're happy, etc... GREAT! More power to you, LITERALLY! I really do mean that. I hope everyone realizes that. NO, it ISN'T HOMO(same) PHOBIA(fear)! FAR FROM IT! I have no fear there, and I hate that word because it is just WRONG!

BTW That feeling is just part of who/what I am. Sorry. And NO, I know they are all different. I have known both types. (in reference to your "flamer" statement) BTW I won't avoid being in an area simply because there are gay people there, and I won't try to "convert" them, argue, or kill, so they have nothing to worry about from me. I'm just showing me feelings, that's it.

As for the asexuals, to repeat, I am certainly fine with THAT also! I never said anything against that. HECK, the way this world is going, THEY may be the ones to survive! IRONIC! I guess things will be safer and easier then, and they may change! Hey, couldn't resist!

As for fitting in? I didn't come here TO fit in, but rather because I feel I already do. I was just making a point. HEY, if I met with some of you guys and gals and found that we could understand one another without any of us having to dial things down, or avoiding things, that would be PARADISE as far as I am concerned. MALE, FEMALE, STRAIGHT, or ASEXUAL, doesn't matter. Heck, if a few homosexuals were thrown into the mix that would be ok also.

It would take a bit to hurt a TRUE paradise!

HEY, I should get SOME credit for not saying anything insulting about comorbid problems, etc... Ther but for the grace of (put diety or whatever here) go I! Then again, I am far from perfect also. Heck, I've said I'm actually trying to get the "disorder" to be, in some ways, more like it was. I'm not even as good as *I* was in some respects! Still, it's a pity that you can't just take the good and leave the bad behind. 8-(

As for the statement about ALEX? Just made to make a point that AS and homosexuality weren't tied that close. Just one example.

Steve

Frankly, I don't think NTs have the slightest clue what gay people are like.

Unless they're going out of their way to let people know? They're pretty much just like everyone else.