Telling people you have ASD

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I've always wondered how it would affect other people's behavior towards me if I would simply tell them I have autism. Currently only my family and my very close friends know of it, and I knew them before I was diagnosed and was in a mental institution so I pretty much had to tell them. I've never really told anyone else though. I'm curious as to whether some NT's might find it easier to deal with me if they know I can't really help it, or if it might make them stop expecting me to behave normally but I never really dared to tell anyone.

So I was wondering what other people's experiences with telling this to NT's are? And if there any people here who simply tell people pretty much the moment they meet them?

Most of the NTs I've told don't really understand it. I think their conceptions of Autism are for the most part exaggerated. When I've told them, it's like they them look at me as if I'm going to drop to the floor and start groaning and sucking my wrist. So I only tell people if I think my AS is going to affect my communication skills with them.

Most of the NTs I've told didn't know what Asperger's Syndrome was. When I told them, they did not act like it was a big deal, but then they started treating me differently. I will definitely hold back on telling people unless they are really close, or knowledgeable on AS. I'd want people to see it as a part of me, and not who I am.

So far, the people who know are a couple of my supervisors who are supportive, a few who aren't (hence not telling), my (former best) friends, some of my closer university friends, my boyfriend, and my family who denies my diagnosis. In fact, only part of my family knows. My parents know, and my mom's side thanks to my mom, but not all of my siblings were told about it.

In March, I went on a 5 day residential course with 17 NTs of my age (some of whom I knew, most I'd only met a few times) and 17 kids from the local Special School who were 13-15 (one of whom was NT, but that's besides the point). The whole experience was quite eye opening, I related a lot more to the kids with LFA who wanted their own space than the loud, hypersocial NTs who kept me up into the small hours.

When I got back I "came out" to my friends on Facebook. I posted a link to the Wikipedia article on Asperger's and an explanation of the basic symptoms and that I had been diagnosed aged 7 and again at 16. I wasn't sure if people were paying attention, but the only time I have mentioned it since, nobody was surprised.

I've only mentioned it to 6 people:

The two who suggested that I was a sociopath. There answer was we knew you were nuts, but still think your a sociopath and like being cruel to small animals etc... in a joking manner. No change there.
My 2 closest friends, they were sort of meh so. They don't really understand but it doesn't bother them. They've seen me at my worst and are still there for me.
My mom (thought she'd understand) No there's no chance you've got it, don't be silly, your being silly again and has a mini meltdown over the phone. She seems to think its rainman or nothing.
My cousin (relative I'm closest to) reacted rather hostile in saying she didn't believe it.

Alot of people by me know about autism and high functioning autism and make jokes about it so I dont tell anyone.

My reactions have been mixed. Pity. Belief. Disbelief. My partner treats me differently since my diagnosis, but mostly in a good way. Our communication is much clearer. Since I just moved, I haven't had anyone else around enough to judge.

Perhaps I shouldn't do this, but it makes a fantastic dodge when confronted by charity muggers. If they're going to use "saving the children" to harass people, I'm not above playing the disability card to get them to back off.

I never tell people. It changes everything if I tell. They see me as ret*d. It's far better if they just think I'm a bit quirky.

Currently in the process of an official assessment, I have told a few people that it's suspected, but only after knowing them well enough to know that it would not make things worse. I told them in the context of explaining that I don't get non-verbal communication, not to read into my body language, etc. I have found having these people know about the areas that usually cause me difficulty enables me to relax more and like being in the social situation better.

PixelPony, are you able to expand on how your dx affected your relationship with your partner?

Sure. In the past, when I had aspie moments, like saying something hurtful on accident, or ignoring requests that were actually statements of fact with an implied request, she assumed I knew how my actions would make her feel. This made her doubt my feelings for her and strained the relationship.

Now that she knows, instead of taking what I say to heart, she points out what I said, and I get the chance to clarify or apologize without it becoming an emotional mess. And I'm learning to do better at catching these before they come out.

But, now that she knows about my sensory issues, she's kind of overprotective. She went from inviting me along to too many outings, to constantly encouraging me to stay home where it's quiet. That's probably the closest thing to a bad reaction I've gotten from her.

Honestly, the most painful reactions were from a group of friends who had supported me through every other mental or emotional issue I'd ever had. They didn't believe me, said I was a hypochondriac, or at best a dupe of the American Psychological industry (They can't make money if they don't convince people they're crazy).

I'm scared to tell people about it. Obviously my close relatives know, and so does my GP and my counsellor and all those sorts of people, but my friends don't know because I don't tell them, and sometimes I think I don't need to tell them because I am good at hiding it and passing off as a shy and very anxious/depressed NT.

Everyone around me knows about my AS, as I feel it's a part of who I am, and I'm not ashamed of it in any way. I've had mixed reactions as well, everything from acceptance to denials. I felt it has helped me to identify those who accept me as I am, and those I should steer clear of.

The only people I haven't told are other people at uni, although one person guessed and asked outright if I was autistic. Other than that, my friend knows and my family knows but it isn't a big topic for conversation.

The only ones who know are the people on WP and a few of my closest friends (only because they asked if I had AS). It's not necessary to let others know about it as of yet.

Less they know about you, less they can use to hurt you

I even think: should I tell it to my own brother?
I really don't know is it a good idea

I'm really leaning towards disclosing in general, although after the hiring process when it comes to work.

I'm just really tired of secrets. Sexual orientation, religion or lack of it, my nonstandard home life, and now my diagnosis. I'm tired of keeping so many secrets to try to fit in, when I never really manage it anyway. So I'm going to try not keeping secrets for a while. I don't want to work in a place or hang out with people from whom I have to hide more than half of who I am.