Special Interest EOL

Post Reply New Topic

I've been interested obsessively with technology since I was 9 years old. I'm 16 now. And I've been sensing this for months now, and it scares the crap out of me. I've reached the EOL for my special interest in technology. But my entire childhood and all teenage years till date have been invested into computers and technology, I don't know what else I can do. All of this has gone on subconsciously till date, but I have just realized this fully conscious. My special interest is what defines me, to myself, and to the rest of the world. Without it, I don't know what I'd do, who I'd become. But I've lost most, if not all, of my interest in technology. I'm nearing the end of life of this special interest, but I don't know where else to go, what else to do, and so I've been stretching the expiry date for months now. Don't get me wrong here, I spend all my day in front of a linux terminal, but earlier, it was out of interest, curiosity, but now, it is out of necessity. I am fed up of my special interest, yet extremely scared of letting it go. I will become blank without it. I'll become a nobody. I wouldn't know what to do with myself anymore. A being without purpose like the rest of humanity? Scares the crap out of me. I've been thinking this over for a while, and I've come to realize that even though I love technology and computers, it is not something I'd want to do for the rest of my life. Its a no-no. I don't know why. But I just don't want to do this anymore. But I don't know what else to do. I've always been so into computers throughout my defining years, I never opened my eyes to the outside world, and so I do not know how the world really works, what other special interest worthy topics exist. But I am bored of all the geekery(don't know if thats even a word). I don't know what is happening to me, I lost my special interest in particle physics a few months ago, I lost my special interest in electronics a few months before that, and I lost my special interest in aeronautics a while before the other two. Its like all my technology related interests are fading away. But the others were not what defined me, nor do they still define me. Technology does. And I've come to hate it. I just dropped out of high school, in the name of technology, to pursue it further, but that was a lie. I just can't bare high school. I know if I go to high school, I'll end up committing suicide before it ends, and I do not want to end my life, since unlike those religious fools, I don't believe in an afterlife. I cannot even get myself properly cryogenically frozen right now, so ending my life is a no-no. I am saying this because people might suggest me to go back to high school, but here's what I say to that : "Over my dead body!". I am fooling everyone around me saying that I am still interested in technology, but more than them, I am fooling myself. I hate this crap. But I do not know what else to do, and so I am still using technology as my special interest well beyond its expiry date, and its becoming toxic. What do I do now? I've never lived life without a special interest, and I really do not know how to live life without a special interest. I cannot even imagine it. Has anyone else here experienced similar situations? What did you do about it? How did you deal with it? What do you think I should do now?

What does EOL mean?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/End-of-life_(product)

Sounds like you need time to reflect. Take a look around. Go for walks. Explore. Take some aptitude quizzes and stuff. see what else you can be good at. See what others do. Watch and learn. Study nature, in nature. Go fish. Get a hobby. School is not such a bad idea, you always need to learn, and stimulate your brain. It's the people I'm sure. Maybe your special interest ran out of pizzazz, because you know too much about it. Pick up on other things. Interests change, unless you have an interest in something where there is just too much to know. I have always had an interest in cars. People may think I am just a mechanic. It is a horrible job, it pays like crap, however there is honestly way too much to know about a car. Unlike most things, they are always set up different. Computer technology is a small part of a modern vehicle. Any backyard idiot can work on a car. It takes a true genius to understand, diagnose, and fix it properly. A true genius to invent, and engineer it, and a true artist to make it look good. It is not suprising that I am not bored with it. I can always learn something else about it, or it's environment. It has even made me learn tremendous amounts of stuff about people. From the people that work on them, and with them, to the people that are attatched to them. I'm not saying go out and get a mechanic job, I just think you may be lacking diversity with all your technological mumbo jumbo. Your still a kid, behave like one. Go play. Just a suggestion, and please, forgive me for being me.

Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist? I would suggest getting evaluated for depression and subsequently treated--even if just for the short term.

My special interests have all, more or less, and in hind-sight, webbed together. I have never completely lost all interests except in the case of severe depression.

I thought I was experiencing a special interest EOL in early 2007 when I started going through a very severe depression. My mindset and appearance made a frightening change. My special interests made a comeback as I dug myself from that depression in 2009.