How many friendship attempts to get 1 friend?

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So I have some acquaintances but few friends. I meet people through school clubs but never do anything outside that club with those people. So I have hardly anyone to hang out with, talk to.

Several times I have tried to make friendship attempts. I start a conversation with someone i have met in person through a club or class at school, who seems to have common interests, usually continuing the talk over Facebook, and eventually suggest hanging out or going for coffee. (not romantically).

The usual pattern is the person acts interested at first, but once I start suggesting plans, they always make excuses and never reciprocate with a day or plan that would work for them.

So how do you make friends? Does everyone have a ratio of making 5-10 friendship attempts with 5-10 different people in order to get 1 friend? Is the reason I have no friends because I don't make enough volume in friendship attempts? I probably try to make a friend 4 or 5 times a year and rarely end up with one.

I'm not exactly eager to try and increase my friendship attempts because 1) it's exhausting just trying this with one person, and 2) every time the other person doesn't reciprocate it hurts. There's only so much rejection a guy can take.

Any suggestions?

I've never known anyone to go out and purposefully intentionally seek a friend. I've always thought it to be a spontaneous event, you know, like it was least expected. If someone came to me and said, "I'd like to be your friend," I'd be extremely cautious because, in my mind, friendship just doesn't happen this way. It's just something two people feel without the obvious being stated. Just continue socializing how you always did - join clubs, church groups, etc. The more you're out there, the more you're exposed to meeting someone.

Hmm... I didn't realize I was doing it wrong.

But if I just socialize with people while attending schools clubs, but never make a move beyond it, nothing ever happens. I think I somehow accidentally give out the vibe that I'm not interested, even though I want friends very badly. So no one ever makes friendship interludes towards me, I have to seek out friends myself.

I don't go up to people and ask to be their friends. I just try and expand our socializing to places beyond the business of the club. Is that not how you're supposed to make friends?

Lol you definitely belong here. You can't quantify your social interactions. I used to be the same way. I would count women I smiled at and try to get them to smile back or at least hold some eye contact. I would stand in front of a mirror and practice different smiles. Apparently meeting people doesn't work like an experiment, it is more abstract(or so they tell me).

I wish I understood it naturally. Viewing it like an experiment makes sense to me.

It just seems logical

- most people seem to be able to have friends.
- I try to make friends with people at school who seem to connect with me
- most of the time this does not result in friendship
- so I have no friends
- but other people do
So the conclusion I draw is that if it takes me trying with 5 people to get one friend, other people who have multiple friends must try to make friends with a larger volume of people and that's why they have more friends.

But upon further thought and the fact that friendship is not quantifiable, maybe the real reason is I'm just weird?

Hang around the "weirdos." That's what I do.

Yeah I used to seek out friendships like that with strateging and all. But then after a while, I just stopped and relied more heavily on nature to take its course. For me it was making a friend was comparable to NTs trying to date. But then it caused me too much social anxiety and fustration. See most NTs are mostly indifferent, it happens or it doesnt. Since I left the college enviorenment about a year ago, I've only made I guess three we can call them "casual friends". When I see them, we interact like friends but our friendship doesnt go outside of the set up enviorenment. I guess just keep interacting with them. If the opportunity opens itself up to hangout outside of (school, work, clubs, etc) then suggest it. Like say you both really want to see a movie in theatres so you might say "hey you wanna go see the movie together". Or say you guys both like a hiking, you might suggest to go on a hike up a trail you've never been on but always wanted to go on. See thats the way NTs do it, they just sorta flow with the situation. But us aspies find "flowing with the situation" to be very difficult. I've been working on making friends for 6 years and its just been within the last yr or so that I've learned to make much more smoother attempts at friendship. But its a slow process and I still dont make friends readily.

I've never really -tried- to get friends. Any friendships I've had (I've not had many) have formed fairly spontaneously - me and them just happened to start talking to each other more and all that, and eventually we were friends - there was no one point where we went "now we are friends" or anything like that.

I only have 2-3 people I would consider friends at this point in my life - and that is the most I've had at one time.

I don't make conscious efforts at making friends, as far as I know. I did, however, make some efforts to talk to people and get to know each other. It's a good way to get acquaintances, people you can talk to and hang out with occasionally.

Friendships just happened to me. The first two real friends I acquired via one of my special interests, high-end audio / music. They weren't friendships initially. We got together frequently on the basis of our shared interests and slowly widened the spectrum of our common activities (discussing other subjects, doing bicycle tours, hiking, journeys together). After some time, we knew we were friends, without declaring it.

One friend I've met in my workplace, we were colleagues at the time. Initially I thought "what a cuss", but as we began to talk and discuss our thoughts we'd found that we have much in common and somehow our personalities are complementary to each other. He is my best friend now.

So far I have lost one friendship and now I consider two people close friends (one Aspie and one "weirdo"). I also have a few good acquaintances, but they are not friends.

I've never tried to make a friend. And I don't get the idea of needing someone to "hang out with". I am quite content with just going things with people at clubs and leaving it at that. I have no desire to "take it further" and I'm not even sure I know what that means. I consider myself to have one or possibly two friends (apart from my husband)... They both live a long way away and we communicate mostly by text message. I met them at an event to do with my special interest and for some reason they wanted to keep in contact with me. It certainly wasn't something I went looking for.

Zero. All my friends have approached me. Also, I'm friends with them because I like them, not because I've ever wanted "a friend".

I'm rubbish at making friends and keeping friends. A part of me has just given up. I have tried many times to talk to people and make effort with people to try and make them a friend in my life but it's always been one sided.

I have tried in the past, but people can't "cope" with me, and ran a mile.

I have acquaintances though and 1 friend.

I only have one or two friends that I actually hang out with. I'm actually scared for myself later in life. Right now I only meet people through school, and later in life, there will be no school. Although, the occupation I want to have will allow for me to meet a lot of people. I'm still worried

Also, for me, it's hard to hang out with people sometimes. As I'm about to leave to go see them, I get so nervous. Even with the most familiar people, I get really anxious to hang out with them.

Usually for me, I find someone talking about something that I enjoy and shares my opinions and it just clicks but I have only one person that I would call a true friend.