Attachment to people

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What is it and why is it important?

I've done a fair bit of googling on the subject but can't understand it or why it is important.

Parents need to be attached to their children, to care for them well. Children need to be attached to their parents to obtain their care. Men need to be attached to women (and vice versa) to reproduce or the human race would die out. I think even autistic people want some level of contact with people, even if they can't handle large amounts, they can still feel lonely, so it's to avoid loneliness probably, but maybe it's the urge nature built into people to ensure they reproduce and it's not finely tuned enough to distinguish male or female, just an urge to attach (my pure speculation). On my evolution thread, I think someone talked about groups of people working co-operatively for the benefit of the group. So this means people can build things and create things. Is this what you mean?

Thanks for the reply, that sort of explains it. Though I don't fully understand the concept of attachment, and what is the impact to an individual of not being attached to someone. I don't think I'm attached to anyone, and am certain I'm not attached to my parents or anyone in my family.

Hmmm yes I've never felt attached to my family. I always wondered if this was normal for other people, or if I was the only person who felt that way in the world.

I've only felt attached to my ex girlfriend at the time, but that's it. I don't think I ever felt attached to anyone else.

I've never been attached to anyone. For the first 30 years of my life, it was such an insignificant thing that I didn't spend much time thinking about it. But then I started working around non-academic, "regular" people, and I realized how odd my alone-ness and detachment was. I started to think about it more and more, which led me to feel really alienated and eventually depressed.

Even as little as just several months ago, I thought being attached to someone was only important because it allows you to look like everyone else, which frees you from embarrassment etc. But now I realize that attachment also has material practical advantages. Life is full of risks. If I broke my leg while walking to work, who would I call? Who would pick me up from the emergency room? Who would help me with my day-to-day living? No one. I could call my sister--the only person that I'm strongly attached to. But she lives far away and has her own life.

I've had emotional crises, and the only person I had to lean is my psychotherapist. I like her and I think she likes me, but she can't swoop down and save me from stuff. She can only do what she can within the boundaries of a professional relationship, which is not a lot.

Having someone you can lean on (and who can lean on you) helps you get through the bad stuff that eventually happens to everyone.

I actually get attached to people, which is why I suffer so much devastation when they leave and I can't ever see them again.

I think therefore what you mean is, not that you don't understand the concept of attachment, but that you don't understand the feeling, or don't feel it yourself?

Hmm, yes, all three. I don't understand the concept, I don't understand what it feels like and I don't feel it. I would like to understand it better.

I get obsessively attached to people I have romantic/emotional connections with. It doesn't happen often so that makes it even worse. But, when it does happen, I simply can't focus on anything else but them.

What does it feel like to be attached to someone?

I wanna be around them all the time. It makes me happy and makes me feel attached to the rest of the world. When I see them it's like seeing a part of myself and having a part of myself in my own presence. So when they leave I become depressed. I feel alone in the world again. It's similar to the feeling I get when a special interest goes away. I get really anxious about how I will spend my time without them. I drink more and have to fight the urge to send them texts or emails.

Most autistic kids are attached to their parents as securely as non-autistic ones. But just like some NT children have an ambivalent or avoidant attachment type, so do some autistic children.

Autistic people in general do seem to be more introverted than NTs. But "introverted" does not mean "asocial". It means that a person likes to get to know smaller numbers of people, in quieter situations. An introvert requires less input because he processes what he does receive more thoroughly. For an introvert, a good book can be as stimulating as an extrovert's ride on a roller coaster.

The idea that introverts are not as attached or not as social does not make much sense to me. It is a different interaction style. The information an extrovert gets at a loud party may be less than what an introvert can get one-on-one at a coffee shop.

Do not confuse lack of emotional contagion with lack of attachment. Many of us do not instinctively copy the emotions of those around us, and so do not grow attached to people whether we like it or not, simply because we are near them. However, we are human and require human interaction--often the low-key introvert type. Our attachment is often heavily intellectual; caring for others comes in the form of a desire to see that person happy and satisfaction when they are. But that doesn't make it any less strong. On the other hand, it can be highly emotional--autistics who feel strong emotion aren't any less autistic for it. But either way, it's still attachment.

It's our group structure that makes humans so special. We pass on ideas to others--perhaps to others who are born long after we die. We pass culture from person to person. We identify with people we have never met. We see ourselves as part of a larger picture. Specialists contribute their skills, and generalists tie the specialists together. Everyone contributes to everyone else--you don't have to do everything for yourself. Being human means being part of a group, even when you spend much of your time alone.