New Boss Hates Me

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Greetings, Asperger's Brain Trust.

Please advise:

My new boss does not approve of me for reasons that, in all likelihood, have something to do with the Asperger's. At issue is my apparent lack of "follow-through," namely that I did not call a particular agency to check on the status of one of my projects, which resulted in a piece of paperwork not getting signed.

New boss lady spent 20 minutes telling me what a lousy employee I am and that I should "know better" after being in the military for 8 years.

My problem is that interacting with people, be it in-person, over the phone, ect. simply does not come naturally to me, and is something that someone usually has to prompt me to do. As a kid, I did not play with the other children because it never occurred to me to play with them, nor did anyone specifically say I should play with them; therefore, I didn't. Once, I forgot my textbook and was unable to complete an in-class assignment; the teacher screamed at me for not asking to borrow a textbook from another student and accused me of being lazy, but, problem was, it had never even occurred to me to ask another student, nor were there any rules to guide me (this was the first time I ever forgot my book). I often got yelled at by my parents for not raising my hand in math class to ask the teacher for help, but, as was my wont, I would get so caught up in frustration that I would forget, and, again, initiating interactions with others just didn't register in my brain, no matter how many times I got hollered at. More recently, I had volunteered to help plant shrubs at a local high school, and, after I left, I realized I hadn't spoken a word to any of the other volunteers, not because I didn't want to, but because it never dawned on me at the time that I should be talking. In regards to my errant paperwork, it had never occurred to me that I should call the agency for a "follow-up report." After the woman was done inspecting my program, she left and I set about fixing what was wrong, but, no, the idea that I should've called her afterwards never entered my head. Whoops!

Additionally, I need specific rules. I'm reaching a point in my career where I'm expected to "just know" things on the basis that I'm an NCO, and I should "just know" how my superiors want everything done. Sorry, but I have a lot of trouble "generalizing," or imbibing things from the ether; I require concrete rules to direct me what to do, and, when in doubt, I'm going to do exactly what's in black and white and I will not go a step further unless it's indicated that I should.

Example: I got in trouble because new boss lady wanted her BlackBerry phone up and running "as soon as possible (her exact words)," so I put in a request to tech. support to expedite the issue. Next day, she expressed how "disappointed" she was that I didn't get her phone working by close-of-business yesterday, which is something I could've done if she actually SAID THAT.

In conclusion, this hag has now indicated several times that she thinks I'm just lazy and that I'm not a good NCO. She doesn't believe that I have trouble remembering when I'm supposed to initiate interactions with others. So is it time to recruit my psychologist to speak on my behalf, or is there a good way to communicate to the Dreaded Hag that my brain works a little differently?

I can't handle being yelled at any more.

Thanks.

I don't know how to advise you but that sounds awful. I often feel like people are expecting me to absorb information about what's expected "from the ether" too, and sometimes I wonder if either they don't realize I never was told or they don't actually expect me to know and are simply being hostile and deliberately unfair. She knows you have AS, then?

@ Nonperson:

I don't think she knows, but I'm not 100% sure.

I'm a bit afraid to tell her, to be honest.

If you require concrete rules and/or clear & specific instructions then ask for them.

Re not following through - if the problem is the phone calls are an issue then find another way to follow up (email for example - I almost never use the phone because it caused great anxiety). If the issue was that you did not know you were supposed to follow through then learn from it and when given a task that involves other people put a reminder on your task list to follow up at a particular point (in my work that usually means in 2 weeks, or if there is a specific deadline then at least a week before then).

Just do the best job you can do, learn from things to improve your performance and if you need cooperation from someone else to do that then ask for that help (you can do it by email and stating your needs under the reference of wanting to do the job as effectively as possible...).

Plan 1
Create a to do List.

I agree. I think a 'procedural list' would be a great help to you. The problems that your Boss is complaining about are 'basic procedures'(fundamental tasks, always done) that you have problems remembering. For example, make sure contracts are signed and followed through if need be(by e-mail, phone, or text) whichever is preferable at the time.

When you are given a request, like i need this ASAP (As Soon As Possible), just remember it means as quick as you possibly can.

Plan 2

IF the situation gets any worse, take her aside and tell her that you need to talk with her. Bring your psychologist in IF need be and explain the situation.


See, I'm curious IF she knows THAT you have Aspergers. While you are implementing plan one; you need to keep your eyes and ears open with regards to your boss.


She might not have a clue. She might know and is unaware of how Aspergers can effect a person. She might already know and is trying to get you to leave.

Just kind of keep some of these things in mind.

Good Luck.

TheSunAlsoRises