Compromising behaviors

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To what extent do you do it? Like "acting normal". I find it pretty exhausting in the long term, when I cannot "be myself" if you know what I mean.

What would be the best way to deal with Asperger's in this regard? Compromise behaviors a little but at the same time remain quirky and eccentric, instead of constantly forcing oneself to blend in?

Yeah it's very tiresome. I'm always trying to "be normal" in front of others, but in the end I get exhausted, and it actually makes it worse, because I get aggravated and p*ssed off with people that I just wanna leave.

I can't put on the act anymore-too tiring for me even though people tell me I should.

Can't do it for any length of time. I can keep it up about as long as I can hold my breath, and that's not for any lack of trying.

I don't know whether to be jealous of those aspies who can or pity them. My husband can and so he feels obligated to do so and ends up exhausting himself, but at least he can keep a job.

I find that people who are also considered "a bit weird" are the most accepting. If you don't compromise behaviors at all, then you wouldn't be considering others....so a little bit of compromise is necessary in order to keep friends. Things like, showing up when you say you will, on time, not insulting people and showing basic manners (like covering mouth when coughing, etc). Most people need basic courtesy, or else you will only attract unsavory, self-centered types. After a while, a bit of compromise becomes your "new self" and it is more natural.

However, the above only pertains to basic niceties and manners, not things like understanding social cues or an "NT" level of perception. Some compromise is necessary to attract desirable people, and the compromise only has to be in showing basic courtesy and consideration. As far as more subtle behaviors than this, you will exhaust yourself if you try to blend in completely. For example, I need a lot of space and can't "blend in" by spending the amount of time with people that they often require. If you need alone time, then give it to yourself.

I spent 34 years doing 24/7. 2 years ago I had a meltdown/shutdown. I don't do it at all anymore. The only one who pays the price for it is you. Ask yourself whether its worth it in the end.

Although I seriously doubt I manage to carry off acting NT, I do try to mind my manners and stay within social conventions. For starters, I try to always greet my co-workers when I first encounter them for the day, and on Monday, I ask how their weekend was. If they return the question, I keep it to two or three sentences, remembering the key word is "how" not "what"

I also ask folk about their pets on a regular basis -- people who have pets are often eager to talk about them, and since critters count as a special interest for me, conversation comes easier for me.

I do find that I have to draw the line on socializing outside work -- I usually get by blaming it on my husband. Those I do socialize with outside of work seem to be either Aspies themselves, or have considerable Aspie tendencies.

_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

I act at work and out in public. When I get home I can be myself.

I just need to remember small things with my relationship. Eg. Offering a drink to my OH when I get myself one, making sure I keep up an appropriate affection level etc.

It's so tiring putting on the act during the week, I rarely go out anywhere on weekends.