MEN ARE FROM MARS

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If Aspies are the extreme way a man thinks, then the book “Men are from mars woman are from Venus” is probably more important for us to read.

I bought a tape cassette from the author of that book and he was talking to this other bloke about the differences of men and woman. One point was on how man are more problem oriented while woman are not generally.

From my point of view NTs men and woman alike tend not to be as problem oriented that much, they can talk for ages but what they talk about is neither a problem nor a solution, it is mere small talk trifle. Is it in a aspies best interest when socializing to duck and dive and avoid answering any problems that the other person might not want to specifically want to answer.

Yeah, it's a good book. Have you read the Invisible Partners by John Sanford? It's about how men and women think and communicate differently. If you liked Mars and Venus, you might find it very interesting.

I had said that same thing myself, but a thought just occured to me.

Women have a larger corpus callosum than men, and autistics, at least in part, are supposed to have a smaller one. The reduction is apparently in the sensory area.

The amygdalea are also supposed to have fewer nuerons in autistics, but I never saw a comparison of male/female. The stereotypical differences between men and women emotionally DO suggest there may be a difference.

BTW one interesting thing! Females are supposed to communicate better/earlier. Who knows, maybe the AS brain is a sort of hybrid. I always DID wonder about this stereotype, since it clearly wasn't the case with me!

Of course, WHO KNOWS! If someone didn't look at my whole life, they might not believe I was autistic. My vocabulary was CLEARLY better when I was younger, but some things may have pruned back with non use, other peoples vocabularies got a bit better, and I toned mine down, so even that is not overly apparant. ALSO, I had a LOT of words, etc... in Electronics and Computers. When I knew them, they were relatively UNKNOWN! Today, some people hear some of them DAILY. Of course, I know what they do, how, and pretty much how they work, so I don't really consider that a loss per se. So there are probably a LOT of people with AS that are overlooked, so it may not be the case in everyone.

This could lead to some interesting conclusions.

Steve

Women communicate non-verbally much more than men, and aspies usually have a difficulty interpreting such messages.

Yes, the extreme-male brain... I'm not sure that my brain is all that "masculine" though; I score female on all the cognitive-differences-between-male-and-female tests (being better at verbal than spatial, etc.)--and that's despite being not at all "girly". I do have a female brain, despite being an Aspie--I communicate instinctively when I have a problem with another person; only I do it rather awkwardly and formally; and I'm sensitive to others' problems despite a lack of real empathy. Female Aspies really do have an advantage in the arena of interpersonal communication--though I think perhaps we get that at the expense of extreme Aspie strengths; my logic skills aren't as good as most male Aspies'.

Revenant,

That isn't really what I was talking about. What you said is pretty illogical anyway. Although women are the instigators of most such communication(so it is like they "speak" much of the language the men generally just understand), men DO understand it. At least I do. Frankly, most men must! If they didn't, it wouldn't be worth anything. And some is culture, etc... Don't get me wrong though. When it comes to implied connotations, etc... or approaching, I am generally LOST! Also, I often am not looking at the person right to even pick up any non verbal language.

ALSO, I HAVE read body language books. I know some of the stuff BY HEART! I have been ACCUSED of flashing the wrong signals. I did a poll. A VALID poll! BOTH sexes, NO suggestion, large sample, ALL races/creeds many cultures and bth sexes! HECK, I would have LOVED to find a pattern, so subconciously I guess I hoped that it DID work out for everyone else! The result?

It is HOGWASH, just as it is for me. Some women here even admitted doing things with their hair that those books say mean she is interested, but they were just bored or stimming basically! I'm sure most women do it due to hair style, comfort, or because they are bored! Just like I fold my hands, or put them in my pockets, because they have to go SOMEWHERE!

I don't know HOW anybody can believe it! Then again, there IS a guy selling paper wads, and another selling immortality! And they think I'M gullible!

Callista,

For the record, *I* said hybrid. If I am to believe stereotypes, AS people basically have verbal capabilities better than an NT woman(who is supposed to be better than an NT man), and analytical skills better than an NT man(who is supposed to be better than an NT woman). Still, women will ALWAYS be different from men, even mentally. That is also bound to create some deficit elsewhere. I guess most of that comes from the social area, and women are supposed to be better there.

In what way would you say you lack empathy? Even my mother said she thinks I have empathy, but I just don't show it. One of her friends says the same about her diagnosed AS son.

BTW I INTENTIONALLY stay away from the word empathic, because that implies an intuition that is based on no external stimulus. I can tell you I don't have that. Most NTs don't either. If HALF knew what I thought about them.....

Nobody is accusing the women here of being any less feminine. "Vive la difference"!

Steve

The Rebuttal from Uranus

BTW An interesting bit of information!

We all know how yawning is supposed to be a sign of boredom, right?

We know this is hogwash because EVERY animal uses it to rebalance the gas mix in the lungs, and is more likely to indicate they were/are sleepy. Yeah, I know boredom can make you sleepy, still...

Well, I saw at least one book that said women do this when they are INTERESTED in a guy!! !! ! To basically wake up part of the brain, so they can pay more attention. HECK, given the 2 OTHER meanings, you would think they would try to AVOID yawning!

Just goes to show how things can REALLY get confused!

Steve

My personal studies, women tend to use more of a 'feeling' form of decision making which can be classed as 'illogical' at times..

Men use a 'thinking' processing which tends to be more based out of 'logic' which could be a reason why males are often telling females how 'illogical' they are

Now, its roughly 66% of woman and 33% of males who use the 'feeling' form of decision making which is, in evolutionary speak, and older form of decision making since it relies more on gut then actual, well, logic.

For the 33% of females that are more 'thinkers' when decision making, a noticeable difference is had. They may be refered to as a 'b***h' due to their 'unlike' female ways. Males who are FEELERS are often seen as more 'feminine' and if you have a guy friend, like I do, its quite noticeable

Aspie women are more logical, normally, as they use more of a 'thinking' process when decision making.. Aspies tend to be heavy on logic

So, for example, up in Canada, farmers were arguing they may not make any money this year and requested the government promise them $72000 to compensate:

Thinkers: Logically, the government should not step in and hand these people money. Yes, Canada may lose its farming industry but thats evolution in society as we've also lost factory work, as well. Its a trend and it will continue for other fields. As well, there are many other people in professions who are losing money but they will not receive a dime. Giving farmers money sets a precedent for future professions which may become 'extinct,' so to speak.

Feelers: I feel bad for the farmers. Canada is losing part of its history and heritage. We need food and we will lose if we do not support farmers. The illogical part is that - others are losing their job and not receiving money - giving farmers money would set a precedent for other professions to suggest that they TOO need a guarantee they will receive money. As well, Canada will be able to receive farm products from other countries while providing a more profitable service in return. It would be illogical to stop progression but feelers think in terms of, well, feeling, such as feeling bad for someone - thats not logical.

Logically, one way has to work, illogically, one way will cause problems and prejudice. Women often think through feeling and men after think through logic (this has nothing to do with actual intelligence, just the actual decision making process)

Of course, this is a generalization