Do you overthink things so much you don't know how to react?

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

StuckWithin
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 221
Location: My mind

01 Aug 2012, 3:35 pm

I don't know if this is common to Aspies or not, but I thought I'd see if other people know what I'm talking about.

Sometimes someone will ask me, "What did you do today?" or "What did you work on?"

To my mind, the enormity of each of these questions paralyzes me for a minute - because I have to somehow encompass the scope and structure of all the things that are entailed by them, and state them in such a way as to give a truthful and logical answer. I particularly hate such questions if I'm eating with someone, because then in addition to having to think about all that, I have to eat and talk - and it means I have to talk A LOT to tell the whole story. It usually makes me visibly tense and I prefer to answer with some terse deflection, rather than to go through all that stress.

It's worse when I am given very vague instructions at work. I feel awful if I don't get it and have to ask again, and I've worked with some people in the past who have not liked it when someone can't pick up their ill stated vague instructions and immediately know what they want.

It can all be cause for much anxiety.

Anyone else know what I am talking about? How do you cope with it?


_________________
AQ: 40 EQ: 7 SQ: 43


nrau
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 284

01 Aug 2012, 3:42 pm

Doctor, doctor. It hurts to talk.
Don't talk.
Doctor doctor. It hurts to think.
Don't think.
Doctor, doctor. My work is stressful.
Don't work.



MirrorWars
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2012
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 546

01 Aug 2012, 3:46 pm

I do this all the time, it's a massive pain in the arse.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,949
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

01 Aug 2012, 3:46 pm

yeah that is a common occurence with me someone can ask me something simple and then I over think it and end up trying to give a more complicated answer then they were probably expecting.


_________________
We won't go back.


rebbieh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,583
Location: The North.

01 Aug 2012, 3:46 pm

I feel like that when someone asks "how are you?".



Esperanza
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 834
Location: Paradise

01 Aug 2012, 4:28 pm

hahahahaha :) ....Yeah. I hate surprise questions.



Matt62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,230

01 Aug 2012, 7:25 pm

It took me 30 years to refrain from giving the full report when someone asked "How are you doing?". In fact, I still cringe a bit, but have a couple of stock answers that are pretty nuetral if I am not feeling well or such. You must not let them think too much, they are simply being polite.
My main problems remain in over-thinking in dating/relationships. Even at 50 years.

Sincerely,
Matthew



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

01 Aug 2012, 7:27 pm

My answer to these questions is always "Nothing".



Jayo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,224

01 Aug 2012, 7:30 pm

Oh yeah...that describes me to a T!! ! Somebody will ask me something fairly simple, and I 'read into' the question more than at face value - I think for me, it's an overcompensating mechanism for giving too short or direct an answer as I did in the past. I really can't seem to tell by the nuances or context what sort or length of reply they are looking for, and one NT manager at my old job heavily criticized me for this shortcoming, even in front of peers. It wasn't pleasant.

So, to mitigate this, I've taken to giving people a "snippet" of what I wanted to tell them vs. what I think they might be expecting, then ask "is there anything else you were looking for, or...?" or "do you want me to elaborate on that, or..?" it's difficult to remember to use this response with regularity, and even then sometimes I get the odd person who still gets sort of upset and a tad exasperated, but you can't satisfy everyone :(



BorgPrince
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: Neptune

01 Aug 2012, 7:50 pm

This is a normal ASD trait. It's called perseverative thinking.



charlottez
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 117

01 Aug 2012, 8:19 pm

All. The. Time. (and I'm restraining myself from expounding on that)



CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

01 Aug 2012, 10:25 pm

rebbieh wrote:
I feel like that when someone asks "how are you?".


That one's easy. the answer is either "fine", or "I'm in good shape for the shape I'm in" :-)


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


Xena_Sophia
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 155
Location: My Mindscape

01 Aug 2012, 10:40 pm

All the time! People ask me what I did today, and I tell them my entire day's schedule, before noticing that they were just being polite...

I have developed coping mechanisms recently though, for example, if I am asked "how are you" I reply that I'm fine, even if I'm not, because that is what people want to hear.


_________________
Life is a long series of juxtapositions, ironies, and paradoxes.


StuckWithin
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 221
Location: My mind

01 Aug 2012, 10:42 pm

Jayo wrote:
and one NT manager at my old job heavily criticized me for this shortcoming, even in front of peers. It wasn't pleasant.

I would suggest that this manager could use some human skills training themselves... Calling someone out like that in public is about the worst thing someone can do. It doesn't speak of leadership, but desperation to flex their power in front of others.

I may be an Aspie but I can figure out at least this much; that if you must reprimand someone for a misstep, you do it in private.


_________________
AQ: 40 EQ: 7 SQ: 43


analyser23
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 446

01 Aug 2012, 11:41 pm

I am DEFINITELY like this, big time!! ! My brain gets in such a whir and I find it all so confusing as to how to answer people's questions. Including "How are you?". I am not sure if it is an honesty thing, an all-or-nothing thing, an "I am not sure what information they are seeking, so I will just tell them all of it and hope that what they wanted was in there somewhere!". It's strange, if someone asks me something, I can't perceive of anything else to say apart from to just honestly answer about all of it. It also seems to be about telling it in the perfect order without leaving detail out otherwise it wouldn't make perfect sense. Depending on who the person is, there is generally always a big pause, and then if I don't know them very well, I will say "Not much" and cut it off there, but if it is someone I know, they will get the whole speel ;)
For "How are you?" I have learnt to manage to say "I'm fine" and then without a pause say "how are you?" straight away to stop myself from going on and on with people I am not close-ish with. Then normally they answer with whatever their answer is and I get back to what I was doing lol



rebbieh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,583
Location: The North.

02 Aug 2012, 1:01 am

CuriousKitten wrote:
rebbieh wrote:
I feel like that when someone asks "how are you?".


That one's easy. the answer is either "fine", or "I'm in good shape for the shape I'm in" :-)


Yeah but I always get rather confused because I'm not sure if they actually want me to tell them how I'm really doing or if they just want to hear I'm fine even though I'm not always fine. Do you know what I mean? I've sort of learned I should go with the latter, but it still confuses me sometimes. That leads to me often answering that question too late or too honestly.