questions from Kathy Hoopmann

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Hi Everyone. My name is Kathy Hoopmann and I am new to your site. I am the author of ‘All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome’ and the Asperger Adventure series. I am currently writing a book along the line of ‘All Cats’ where I am endeavouring to give an insight to how Aspies think, highlighting strengths while acknowledging weaknesses. I want to air grievances about how those with Aspergers are treated and to present how hard they try to fit in to the 'normal' world. If anyone has the time. I’d really appreciate feedback from Aspergians on the following questions:
1) What would you like others to know about your strengths and weaknesses?
2) In what way are sensory issues a problem/strength for you?
3) Do you feel alienated from others? If so, in what way and what could make things better for you?
4) Is there anything about having Asperger’s (good or bad) that you would like the world to know?
Please don’t feel limited to these questions. Just general comments about your feelings of having Asperger’s and your understanding of the social world would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
Kathy

Your book might be my favorite book ever. Really.

I would say that it seems like everything about autism is for people with Asperger's, and please don't leave out those of us with classic autism!

1. I would like for others to know that I am, first and foremost, a person with strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. What I want, believe, hope for, isn't really so different from those of typical people.

2. My sensory issues are extreme. I get sick (pain, burning skin, migraine, throwing up, vertigo so bad I can't walk) under fluorescent lights. I wish people would realize that there are reasons other than blindness for a person to wear sunglasses, have a service dog, and use a cane (I also have arthritis).

3. I don't feel alienated.

4. I would like to know that just because I have classic autism doesn't make me less human!

Your books made a HUGE difference in our lives! Search '"All Cats" Parents' Discussion' and you will see. I found your books through this forum, and I'm thrilled to "meet" you here.

I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I'm just the same as my son, so it's very highly likely my personal struggles are due to autism. I'll take a stab at this one:

3) Do you feel alienated from others? If so, in what way and what could make things better for you?

I've spent my life trying to develop social skills and can "fake it" pretty well. However, I've found that the quality people value most in my - my honesty - is something that they only value sometimes. I try very hard to say nothing when it's not appropriate for me to comment, and to be tactful whenever possible, but I tell the truth when it is important, even when the truth is unpleasant - thought I do try to use diplomatic language and be aware of others' feelings. I am aware that this has to do with being rules-bound and all that stuff, but it also works for me...

Except for this dilemma: as I said, people like me for my honesty...when it is in their favor. However, they wouldn't consider me honest if they didn't see I disagreed with them honestly, too. I can't tell you the number of casual and sometimes even close friendships that have become distant because I respectfully disagreed with them, and didn't change my opinion even after listening carefully to their side.

Not at all sure what would make this better.

1. I'm smart/intelligent, imaginative, and creative. However, I have difficulty making conversation, my gait, posture, and expression are a little bit unusual, my thoughts are less effient in social situations, I have slight difficulty in interpreting what other people are feeling, thinking, or want, and I have major trouble with starting things (Inertia). Inertia is probably my worst problem right now.
2. I don't have too much sensory issues, I mainly just get startled by sudden increases in stimulation, and I sometimes have difficulty distinguishing sounds in noisy enviroments. I also have overall increased strength in my senses.
3. Sometimes, but I live in a world were everyone is a bit alien (I'm a foreigner to Brazil, and so are a lot of people I know). The alienation is mainly me alienating myself as I feel unable to connect to the grou for whatever reasons, so I just don't.
4. First, that Aspergers isn't a disease and shouldn't be tried to be cured or eradicated. It's a difference that causes some disability, but the world would not be a better place without us. We have lots to contribute if we are given support.

Second, we are not psychopaths and we don't lack empathy. We have lower cognitive empathy, also called Theory of The Mind, but we have average or high effective empathy, which is what empathy is commonly used to refer to. Psychopaths have average or high cognitive empathy, but low effective empathy. There is a huge difference.

Third, we are all different. We all have some stuff in common, but we are all different people, and we are still people. We very just as much from each other as normal people do.

That book is great. When I got my diagnosis he asked me if I'd read anything on the topic and I responded that the cat book was my favorite. It also has been the most effective one for me to pass my parents to give them a description of that part of me in book form.


-Asperger's isn't just about social awkwardness, there's far more than just the social aspects of being on the spectrum.
-Asperger's is on the autistic spectrum, being diagnosed with Asperger's doesn't mean that I'm not autistic.
-The same traits that are some of my weaknesses are also some of my traits. I might hypersmell everything to the point where I'm barely able to leave my apartment, but that also means that something would not be able to be set on fire near me without my noticing.
-My weaknesses might make it hard for me to work in a normal environment, but that doesn't mean that my strengths aren't there.
-Like SuperTrouper said, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, the fact that I'm on the autistic spectrum is not the reasoning for this, it just means they might be a bit different than they are otherwise.


- Hypersensitive senses are absolutely overlooked.
-I have very strong sensory issues.
-Florescent lights, fans in front of lights, too bright of lights, all give me headaches. Headlights, even on dim, blind me and make me feel overwhelmed just walking down the road. Seeing things, especially lights, out of the corner of my eye is sometimes enough for me to be in drastic physical pain. Nausea and headaches (including migraines) are the general reactions, as well as generally feeling unable to cope, unable to think, and like my head wants to explode.
-Noises that others don't consider loud are incredibly loud to me, things that are labeled ultrasonic I can hear, simply having too many people talking around me might lead to me sobbing in a corner with people trying to figure out what happened. Noises cause reactions incredibly similar to vision.
-Certain textures cause me to twitch out a lot. Clothing is an irritatingly necessary evil, blankets are far nicer for warmth. I'm unable to wear jeans because denim is that uncomfortable to me. Female clothing is obnoxious, with much of it being focused more on how it looks than how it feels (outdoorsy clothing is the best by far that I've found) Light touch makes my entire body shiver a lot, which is usually really frustrating. Deep touch is far nicer than light touch. Certain food textures make me feel nauseous. Touch that isn't food textures that bother me make me feel on edge about everything and like I'm about to burst (and sometime causes me to do so).
- Like many people on the spectrum, I have a solidly limited diet because of taste intolerences. I personally am vegetarian because the aftertaste of meat (than lots of people tell me they can't taste) is revolting. When I was young I was unable to deal with sour or bitter at all. One thing that confuses most people is that I cannot drink water unless I'm noticeably dehydrated because of the impurities and the taste of the soap in the cup - it doesn't matter how well it was cleaned I taste the soap still. When other people describe food as missing salt, I find it tastes good, when they think it has enough salt I think it would be better with less. Tastes that bother me tend to lead to nausea.
-Smell is my most disabling sense. I saw an allergist because of how strongly I react to cigarette smoke (near instant migraines), and he went through discussing other hypersensitivities to smell it came down to my nose is one of the most hypersensitive ones he's ever seen. Pretty much anything that is toxic leads to headaches and eventually migraines. My levels of reaction of that sort are lower than a majority of people even notice. Of a group of 50-100 people, one other person might be able to smell it, and I've already gotten a migraine.
-Vision, Hearing, and Smell can all lead to migraines. Smell this is reliable enough that much of my life is trying to avoid migraines.
-Sensory issues are themselves, disabling enough to me that I am unable to hold a regular job and might never be able to work.
-Hypersensing doesn't mean that you must dislike strong input. This is one place that I've had a lot of people get incredibly confused. I have an incredibly strong sense of taste, yet I have one of the highest spice tolerances of people I know (most of the people I know have weak spice tolerances though). I enjoy drinking unsweetened cranberry juice. Specific flavors despite being incredibly strong are enjoyable, despite being incredibly noticeable at much smaller dosages. I've also confused people by them not being able to find an alcoholic beverage I can't taste the alcohol in, yet being able to drink 95% ethanol (very tiny bit of it though).


Disconnected is probably the best word. I don't feel like most people purposefully isolate me, they just, don't know how to relate to me, or try to and don't realize that what they're doing is meaningless to me. The biggest thing that'd be able to help is probably just people understanding more that the social aspects aren't the only aspects and that they should stop treating me like they're the only aspects.



Being autistic isn't a bad thing. Being myself is a good thing. However, that does not mean I'm not disabled. I'm disabled, not less of a human than you are, and the things that are disabilng are part of me including parts of my strengths. I don't want to be different than I am, I want to be me. I also don't want people to think this means that I'm not disabled because I'd not choose to give it up.

Yes! I have communication challenges (a lot of my communcation is echolalia, screaming, whining, and whatnot). I can't go further than the mailbox without someone with me. I can't even cross the street. I am extremely socially immature. Yes, I am disabled.

But I LIKE me, and I wouldn't change a thing about myself!

For me, a panacea would be the easy way out (I don't speak for others, just for self). My path is to use my strengths (writing) and ameliorate my weaknesses to arrive at a stronger self... still Lydia, and still totally autistic.

Thank you so much for your replies and your candid honesty. All your comments are helping me so much!

I've read it and it's become my most favourite book of all time. There's a lot of truth to the things that are mentioned in that book and I also like how the pictures of the cats are realistic.

1)
I am a very weak person. Emotionally, physically and mentally. I don't have any friends of my own though I would like friends more than anything in the world . I have trouble expressing my emotions in spoken word but I can write them down pretty good.
My strengths all come from my mind. I probably think 1,000 times more than someone that does not have aspergers syndrome. My I.Q. score is 149 which is considered genius. I am very proud of that. Another strength is I use proper english unlike most of the non-aspergers people.
2)
The sensory issues are very annoying. Some days weight on my neck really annoys me and I have to change shirts until I an comfortable.
Other days it's not as bad. The seams on the toes of socks always annoys me.
I hate when people wear fragrances or perfume. I wish they were illegal
3)
Yes, I feel alienated from other people! I feel very lonely and misunderstood. My earliest memories other than memories of my mother
are of being alienated from other kids. Kids can sense weakness and people who are different. When they find those people they
will emotionally murder them.
It would make things better for me if someone would be kind and understanding. Someone who is not a paid therapist or a volunteer that wants to higher their own self-esteem. It would also help if people would stop taking advantage of me!
It would really help if someone noticed that I existed. When I was in college not one person spoke to me the entire time. I know that the people did not purposely make me feel this way. I wanted to die each day when I got home. I only lasted for a month because I felt so alienated.

4.
I just want people to know that no person with aspergers is the same. Many people that we all love math.science and can hack into computers. I don't like any of that.
Another misunderstanding is that we have no sense of humor and we don't care about other people's feelings.
I can be really funny at times and I care greatly about other people's feelings. I sometimes don't know when other people are upset because I have trouble with facial expressions. If I know that someone is emotionally hurt I feel depressed. I guess that means that I am not really apathetic.


I hope this is helpful for you and good luck on the book.

I am curious. Are there many people with Asperger's who do not have major sensory issues? I know of a few where apart from a few 'fussy' food tates, and a dislike of very noisy places they function perfectly well on all sensory levels. Are these exceptions? Or would these people simply be regarded as high on the spectrum towards 'normal'.

Me, unless you interpreted my sensory issues that I listed as being major.

I'm like that, too. I think it's one of the reason nobody suspect anything in my childhood (well, they thought I was spoiled and rude), but I don't have much sensory issues. I do hate tight clothes and I do have an intimate sensory issue but it's not something you can tell with a child or in everyday context.

Nobody in our family seems to have overwhelming sensory issues - although if you compound them with other stressors (e.g. noisy parties - combo of social situation and sensory issues) we tend to get really uncomfortable and usually try to get away. I also think my husband and I had more issues as children than we do now, our son has some triggers but is learning to handle them; his sensory issues have lessened hugely over the last year.

I think Aspies come in all stripes and colors; not only is it a kind of chinese-menu of symptoms (do they have the Column A, Column B, Column C menus in Australia?) but also any given symptom can manifest in any individual from really intense to barely there.

The best way to think of the spectrum is actually as several different spectrums. So think of a social skills spectrum, a communication spectrum, and an RRB (repetitive/restricted behaviors) spectrum. Someone might be on the mild end of one, the moderate of another, and the severe end of the third. Sensory issues actually aren't in the DSM-IV but will be in the DSM-V. So, for now, you can definitely be on the spectrum and have none at all (though it's not that common).

I haven't read your book but I loved the comparison to cats. It would be cool if people were aware that aspies don't have communication difficulties, just differences. It's only difficult because of the assumption that the majority is correct.

Some things worth mentioning:

You (well, at least I) don't notice you're different. You simply go around your day, doing things, normally. OTHERS point out, repeatedly, how strange, weird, creepy, etc. you are. Some people give you a hard time because of it, others smile at you and patronize you. (And yes, some accept you, but most of give you some form of a hard time because of it). And you don't get it. You were just doing things normally.

To me, it's more of an issue of people not being able to read me than it is a problem for me to read them. For example, when I'm perfectly calm and in a good mood people still point at me and ask me why I'm so nervous and tell me to calm down. And I am calm! That sort of things is very exhausting.

- People think I'm rude because I NEVER know when it's my turn to speak. So I interrupt people a lot. In addition to never knowing what to say, it's a mess.

- People also say my eyes are unfocused and that I always seem like I'm not listening to them.

As for strengths and weaknesses... I don't know. I don't see Asperger's as a strength nor as a weakness. It's just how it is, like any other aspect of you (your eye colour or your height). Being constantly patronized and reminded (and bullied) because of your eye colour doesn't make much sense and it's annoying. Same goes for Asperger's.