If you question your diagnosis, what is the smoking gun?

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I was recently diagnosed, and sometimes feel like I'm cheating because for most of my life I appeared to function normally (I stress "appeared"). I don't have problems with stimming, etc., and my mother is convinced that my aspergers must have developed in later years.

But there are times when I see that people are so VERY different from me on a fundamental level. If you generally function normally, what are your "absolute proof" moments?

The thread on bad advice has the best example, I think: when people say "try harder." NT people do not realize that we are already trying extremely hard just to barely function in social situations. Just talking to somebody is like taking an exam (actually harder, I found exams easy). I am concentrating hard, worrying about alternate scenarios, my muscles are tense, my toes are twitching, I am mentally clock watching until it is over. Yet others find talking to people enjoyable! They seek out the situation!

This finding some things easy and other things hard is the smoking gun for me. It really came home to me yesterday. I work in a shop, and this incredibly beautiful girl came in. After she left I joked to the next man in the queue that "she makes us guys feel ugly." The guy replied, "oh, I've already bedded her." As far as I can tell he was speaking the truth. The guy was not handsome, not rich, not even very pleasant person. (I live in a small rural community so the girl did not have many choices.) But it made me realize, once gain, that I am just fundamentally different from other people.

I have plenty of self confidence, I am not ugly, and my IQ score is probably 30-50 points above this guy. I can make small talk, but I still find it extremely hard to talk to people, while obviously Joe Average finds it easy. Not fitting in is not explained by intelligence differences: I am not monstrously more intelligent than average, and if I were, surely I could use that intelligence to conquer social situations? I can only conclude that my brain really does work differently.

There are plenty of other examples, e.g. where people just assume I want something (to go outside more, to want a bigger house, to want variety in what I eat). And I read a lot of stuff by very intelligent people who seem so stupid to me. We really do think differently.

So those are my smoking guns. What about you?

I typically go home and cry for an hour or so after attending a party or social gathering. I don't have a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure most NTs don't do that regularly.

Well all my life I have been different sometimes bizarre. As I gotten older, I have been able to assimilate better, when I was a child I was just plain weird.

As a child, I went through a phase where I did not want to be human...I wanted to be a dog, wild cat, even a cow in which I acted like these animals, alot..in fact such behavior got me placed in a mental hospital for 8 months.

As a teen, I forced myself to be social, which I did miserably, because I hated the dreaded feeling of being utterly alone in a crowd of people.
Much of this forcing myself to be social, took a toll on my mental health and I became out of control angry and defiant.

I have always been prone to obsessions, some that made no sense, like when I was a tween, I would spend hours in front of the mirror trying to get my hair perfect before bed. It was the late 80's, so I would spray so much hairspray on it, that it was like frozen fur. In these hours, I would also roleplay social situation outloud in the mirror. I guess to my family it seemed insane...obessing for hours over my hair before bed while having full conversations with myself. My brother said that he heard me "carry on 3 sided conversations with myself" Hey I was prepared!

I also developed weird sensory based phobias as a child like I would look up at a tall building and would be afraid that it would fall on me because with the moving sky, the building appeared to be moving instead.
I was terribly afraid of any kind of electricity after a series of nightmares about being electrocuted by lightning and my glow in the dark alarm clock, after which, I sorta went crazy for a few years. I refused to plug in anything, and a lightbulb burning out when I turned it on would terrify me for weeks. I was a fearful child.

Even as an adult some social situations are painful....I rather be alone in the woods or cuddling with my dogs or working on an art project.
Animals are much easier to be with than people.

I was diagnosed as a child, about 8-9 years old during my didnt-want-to-be-human phase. I was diagnosed with PDD-with classic autism characteristics. I missed the critera for classic autism by one thing, I was absolutely obsessed with imaginitive play. I have always been very creative. I have alot in common with Donna Williams, when I read her book "nobody nowhere", I felt like she jumped into my head and wrote a book about it.

I did not really understand anything people said to me until I was 12 years old...after learning sign language, somehow verbal language seemed to make more sense. I sorta woke up to the social world around me in middle school of all places, it was dreadful, I spent much of my tweenhood and adolesence trying to go back into my little world. It was not until I was in college before I accepted the world around me as my home.

As far as conversations go, here's one for ya. A group of teens gathered around me when I was in the 8th grade and asked me the all important middle school question. Are you a virgin? I screamed "NOO! I am not!" I thought being called a virgin was an insult I caught hell for that one, they called me a hoe. I told them, thats for a garden...I am not a garden tool. I got picked on for the rest of the school year for that.

Ohh and I stim like crazy, all the time. So ya my smoking gun is an AK-47

Jojo

Hmmm.... I wonder why you were diagnosed with Aspergers....

From the information you have provided, you might just be a gifted introvert...

I would like to know what criteria your psychiatrist used.

Could it be a form of mild schizophrenia or add?
Especially the worrying about alternate scenarios... Hyperactivity of the mind?
Anxiety?
Not wanting to purchase a bigger house may just be reclusive introversion.
A lot of people live within reasonable boundaries that they can achieve. So this could apply to anyone...
Could be a lot of things..... This is the problem...

When I was first diagnosed, they said I was depressed but then I said I wasn't when the ordinarry citizen would state that I was, they thought I was delusional, so schizotypical, then when they realised it was because I didnt understand emotions properly. Well then and only then was I diagnosed.

For your information, my NT friends say that the average Joe isn't all that good at communicating. Remembering that most people don't actually have high salaries... Businessweek wrote an article on this recently.

Typing on android. Excuse grammar and typos. It is midnight as well, but hope you look more into your symptoms.

When I spend an hour trying to work out what to write in a text. And then continually worry about the other person not understanding it until I get a reply.
When I have a conversation with someone, then go home and want to tear my hair out because I feel like such an idiot because I said something stupid, or worry that I understood something wrong and said the wrong thing, because I'm not sure what that expression meant, or did I get that expression right?
When I finish on the phone and wish I'd never picked it up because I spoke over the other person, couldn't think what to say when they paused, and imagine the other person putting the phone down and exclaiming "What a weirdo"..

Just a few moment there... but pretty much every time I have any human contact..

Um... What about the introverted NTs???

O.o It is right there in the text...

I def have a few. I'm enjoy socialization, I'm just not that good at it. I'm not bothered by sensory issues, I don't have executive dysfunction, I am successful at work, I don't have melt downs.

I sometimes wonder.

Once I met my significant other, I no longer questioned whether or not I'm autistic.

The things I question about myself have to do with stimming and meltdowns. For me, stimming was limited to bouncing my leg, shaking my foot, a mild oral fixation and maybe a few other things before I read about autism. I also do not have sensory meltdowns but will occasionally experience panic attacks. Also, my sensory issues are limited to what clothes I wear, and a sensitivity to spicy foods, so I question if they are legitimate or not as well.

As for the rest of it, I have a lot of symptoms. I have a hard time judging interest in other people during conversations and tend to dump a lot of data. I can be fairly monotonous in my speech and come off as rude when not intending to do so. Likewise, I go off on tangents in conversations because my mind can't seem to stay on target. I have moderate executive functioning issues and can't seem to keep things in order for a prolonged period of time, but do pay my bills on time (this was not always the case though). My "style" of dress does not change and I have no desire to fit in with how the rest of the world dresses. My clothes are all cotton and loose fitting since I really can't stand much else. I sometimes don't bother to shower or shave if I don't have to go to work that day, and can wear the same shorts for weeks at a time before I wash them. I have terrible short term memory. I obsess over subjects and have done so since I was very young. I also tend to pick up on details others miss. In fact, not having minor details right when I am doing something can irritate me to no end. Sometimes I will worry about details so much that I miss the big picture of what I am doing. I also flap my wrists when thinking or talking and can be quite expressive with my hands. Speaking of thinking, I tend to talk to myself when working out a problem and know that I have done this since childhood. I also replay conversations in my head to try and figure them out and see what I did wrong or right in them for next time. I do have problems with anxiety and depression too, just like many others who are on the spectrum. I also tend to see the world in terms of black and white unless I can force myself to see the gray area. This too has been with me since childhood. Likewise, I also tend to be very honest and take things literally in conversations. I also never liked being part of a team and hated sports for this very reason. I have always been very individualistic and have only really learned compromise as an adult.

I still question if I belong on the autistic spectrum from time to time, but the more I examine my life and how I behave the more it makes sense. I do want a formal diagnosis though to put it to bed once and for all.