How old were you when you learned to apologise...(2)

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...when something WASN'T your fault?


Please also answer the 1st poll for when something WAS your fault? (click to link)

Last edited by Filipendula on 05 Aug 2012, 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

i never apologized for things that demonstrably were not my fault. but i did try to make said people feel better through gestures of succor.

Why would you apologise for something that's not your fault?

I dunno, I don't really see that it should be necessary. But if my partner and I have a fight, it's almost always him who backs down and tries to patch things over. But then, if he feels really hard done by, he kind of makes it a condition that I concede that I was at fault too in accordance with the "it takes two to have an argument" philosophy of life. I then have a habit of trying to reason with him to point out why he's being illogical or irrational and so I relay absolutely everything that happened in the argument to show him where his faults were.

It's amazing how angry he can get about this sometimes. So I guess occasionally it's necessary to at least apologise for things having gone sour even if you don't strictly agree that you're the one to blame. I still find it incredibly tricky though. I'm way too stubborn and concrete in my thinking.

I think I've always tried to prove my point, but the people I make an attempt to prove it to refuse to listen to me. I don't remember whether or not I apologized, but I do remember particular situations in which I didn't do anything wrong and was trying to explain why I did something.

I only appologise if I'm sorry, if it's not my fault then I am unlikely to be sorry and I'm very unlikely to appologise.

This

I don't really know when or even if I learned to apologize for something whether or not it was my fault but I do remember once when I was 15 and in reform school they made me write this long rambling apology letter when I didn't even understand or realize what I had done wrong. I'm still not sorry because I didn't know I had done anything wrong and still think I had done nothing wrong.

I think it was something really stupid like doing something that was supposed to be done during free time. I might have even been reorganizing a binder or something like that at the school house when we weren't in class. I thought it was free time. I was new and didn't know that there was a strict schedule with basically no free time.

Another time at the reform school the mean worker that I didn't like chastised me for not thanking a worker that brought in a movie I liked for movie night. As far as I was aware they brought it in because they thought everyone would like it and not specifically for me. I think they upset me so much that I was practically in tears and said I was sorry and asked if I could go to my room. It was almost but not quite bedtime.

Last edited by hanyo on 05 Aug 2012, 9:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I apologize. For everything. Since my earliest memories. It's not, to put it that way, a good thing.

If it's not my fault why should I lie and say I'm sorry? Better to be honest.

I don't see the point. If I didn't do it, Why should I be apologizing?

The only thing I apologize for when it's nothing I did is when one of my family members is acting up. And it's pretty rare when I do do that.

My response is still the same as the other thread.

My mom taught me how to apologize for everything, even how to notice that I play a role in what happens, so even when it isn't my fault entirely, obviously I must have done something or there wouldn't be a problem between us. I've tried to get away from this tendency by telling people that I am not responsible for their feelings, as I have always felt responsible, but truthfully, we are not in control of another's feelings or reactions. Still, I say I am sorry when someone is hurting, I find the empathy or sympathy by replaying the situation until I discover how I upset them according to their point of view. According to mine, I may still not be at fault, but that's not as important. It's not about who's right, it's about who needs the apology.
Also, my dad is almost always at fault in my mom's perception, so I have watched him apologize for things that he had no control over, I have watched him say he was sorry just because she was angry and he didn't know how else to calm her down. I could have learned by his behavior, apologies make things better, no matter who is responsible.

I usually won't apologize until I feel it. I make myself feel it or I give up and try to move on without forcing the issue, such as I'll say I'm sorry that they were hurt by my actions, but I won't apologize for the actions themselves. If they don't catch me side-stepping, everything turns out ok.

About 7 when I gave up on the idea of people even attempting to be fair and decided it was better just to take the blame since they'd end up blaming me anyway. Since, I get in trouble just as often from apologizing too much.

Whether it was or wasn't my fault is a matter of opinion...

...I learned to apologise at around 8 years old, my neighbour had gotten me a Christmas gift that I didn't like so I told them so (a rare thing for me to talk at all at this age, I was attempting to be bold) and my mother scolded me for it - I learned to lie and to apologise for the sake of social norms/values.

One day in 3rd grade I was in the 'jungle gym' area of the playground where they had monkey bars, swings, and assorted other crap. One of the kids who used to call me names and just give me s**t in general was swinging on the bars and decided to kick me in the back. I lost it and started beating the s**t out him. This kid got up crying and went to the principals office to report me. I got called into the principals office with the other kid there. I explained to him that I was kicked in the back and this douche principal wanted me to apologize to the other kid. It's like he didn't even listen to what I had said. I couldn't understand why I had to apologize when I didn't start it. Seemed completely unfair to me. I refused to apologize and ended up with a 3 day suspension which I enjoyed because I hated going to school. Anyway that kind of set the tone for the rest of my life. I just won't apologize for something that isn't my fault.