Impending Meltdowns

Post Reply New Topic

I started this thread because of something I read in the Help! thread started by H.

This interests me because although I am going to be 28 in 2 days, I still have meltdowns, and they're rare, but when they happen, they're pretty bad. Basically, I lose control and self harm, break things, etc. I have been looking for ways to make this stop, but also to understand the whole process of it.

What Fraya said in the above quote seems so pertinent! It's like being hit by a truck!

I just never made the connection, but those are things that I do when I'm emotionally stressed and overloaded (usually someone's loud voice yelling at me, TV in the background, etc...) I stim furiously with the first small object that hits my hand, and if there is none, I'll twist my fingers and hands, bite them, ANYTHING to... busy myself? I really don't undertand why I do it. People tell me to stop and I can barely choke out, "I CAN'T!! !"

I also rock / bounce, cover my face (I even pull my hair and dig my nails in when I do this), squeeze my eyes shut, sometimes cover my ears if the person is yelling, and there's this uncontrollable, inexpressible pain and rage that builds and builds until finally, I LOSE it and...

It's not something I can channel into all my pretty words... it's like all my verbosity shuts down completely.

One question I have is: if I could recognize those signals, know that a big one is coming on, that's all fine and dandy, but the other person yelling isn't going to understand... I can turn the TV off or try to get rid of some of the stimuli, though, and I imagine that would help. I guess the problem lies in the other person understanding - which is not easy to do when you're angry.

Anyone?

Realizing this was a huge deal for me too - and it took a psychiatrist to point it out to me because I didn't even recognize what the triggers were or that I was getting overloaded. I was being treated for anxiety attacks (uneffectively) because I was getting overloaded instead. As much as I dislike psychiatrists (and this guy's personality really bothered me) he did do a few things right that no one had because he actually listened to what I was saying. Once I started figuring out triggers and how to recognize when I was starting to get overloaded then it was actually very empowering to know that I was not freaking out for no reason and that there were some practical things I could do. However, few people understand that unless they have experienced them for themselves. I have posted this link repeatedly (lol) http://thiswayoflife.org/blog/?p=69 but it has some good info and also there is another link at the bottom in the comments section. Maybe you can have some of those close to you read some of this. Aside from that though - I don't really know how to make strangers aware of this unless you had some sort of emergency card or something.

I generally need to get away from the noise, crowded place, ect. I have actually told people I know to stop talking which seems rude but can give you some time to regroup before you get into a full blown meltdown. Also - wherever I go I generally try and find a place to get away too (one time it was a ladies room lounge which is not the ideal place if you have OCD) or just go for a walk. The key though is to try and avoid getting yourself so close to having an overload that you are within seconds of freaking out. Easier said than done.

I read this book "asperger's syndrome and difficult monents" i dont know the author on the top of my head, but they have methods for teachers and parents, and if anyone used those methods on me i could go even more crazy. all the methods would be horrible for me, when im upset, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

like this one method said to take the child on a walk, and ignor them and let them say anything they want to you, if a teacher did that to me i would think they werent listen, thus escalating the yelling. I dont have melt downs anymore though, i just cry.

That IS why I go for a walk or outside - to get away from the noise and people (lol). However if you want to be left alone than isn't ignoring and letting you say whatever you want doing just that? Otherwise you are screaming for a purpose to communicate.

Your silence speaks VOLUMES!

I really DO undertand where you are coming from. I think MY problems started with my mother. I DO remember plugging my ears several times, and telling her to shutup. When I got to my room, I would often clean it up and/or work on my stuff again. I DO seen to have a stim that is more obvious if I get nervous, involved, etc... Anyway, she won't listen. She STILL doesn't react even to the idea of my having AS!

Anyway, one thing I try to do is get some excuse to leave, and be in relative quiet. Telling someone to be quiet often doesn't help. In fact, it CAN exascerbate the problem.

But MAN, I just can't understand the reactions some have. And your description, with the picture of you when you were a young kid, really makes it visual. Still, I guess I can't undestand other peoples reactions either. Recently, a manager sat right next to me with his elbow in my side right below the rib cage. If we where still minors, I probably would have elbowed HIM there. That is one of the worst physical feelings I can have. I STILL don't know why anyone does that.

I REALLY wish I could help more. Maybe I have helped just a LITTLE.

Steve