Overlap.
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08 Aug 2012, 6:15 am
I don't know if I'm an Aspie. I've read loads about AS and different anxiety disorders, personality disorders etc (I think I've even made it into a "special interest" since I think about it all the time and read and watch documentaries about it up to 10 hours pretty much every day). There are quite a few things that could possibly fit the traits/symptoms I experience:
- Asperger's
- "Just Right" OCD
- Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
- Selective Mutism
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Generalised Anxiety Disorder
- Depression
- Intellectual Giftedness
- Extreme introversion
- Alexithymia
I'm aware that for example introversion and Alexithymia aren't actual diagnoses but merely personality traits. Also, sometimes I worry I've read a lot about these diagnoses and then, unintentionally, started to identify with them. That I've unintentionally started experience more traits after reading about them. Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, the traits/symptoms of a lot of these diagnoses overlap. It makes me very frustrated and anxious not knowing what's "wrong" with me. Frankly, the past 3 years or so have been the worst years of my life (though I've felt different, weird and anxious for as long as I can remember). It's quite obvious something's not right and I've never met any like-minded people (except here at WP). I'm waiting to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. I'll probably get an appointment within the coming three months or so.
How am I supposed to know what's going on inside my head? I need to know.
08 Aug 2012, 6:23 am
I did this too, I spent almost all my time trying to work out what was wrong with me, I went on website after website, watched program after program and considered just about every mental health problem known to man. But tbh you can make almost any diagnosis fit you if you try hard enough.
It gets to a point though where you have so many of these diagnoses swimming around in your head and so many questions, you can't remember what you're ACTUALLY like any more, so be careful.
I would try to distance yourself from this special interest if I were you, it's easy to slip and start describing yourself as if you had one of those disorders, the only way a pscyh will be able to tell is if you are 100% yourself and completely open and honest.
Good Luck
08 Aug 2012, 6:31 am
Patchwork wrote:
I did this too, I spent almost all my time trying to work out what was wrong with me, I went on website after website, watched program after program and considered just about every mental health problem known to man. But tbh you can make almost any diagnosis fit you if you try hard enough.
It gets to a point though where you have so many of these diagnoses swimming around in your head and so many questions, you can't remember what you're ACTUALLY like any more, so be careful.
I would try to distance yourself from this special interest if I were you, it's easy to slip and start describing yourself as if you had one of those disorders, the only way a pscyh will be able to tell is if you are 100% yourself and completely open and honest.
Good Luck
It gets to a point though where you have so many of these diagnoses swimming around in your head and so many questions, you can't remember what you're ACTUALLY like any more, so be careful.
I would try to distance yourself from this special interest if I were you, it's easy to slip and start describing yourself as if you had one of those disorders, the only way a pscyh will be able to tell is if you are 100% yourself and completely open and honest.
Good Luck
Yeah, that's what I'm a bit afraid of.
About distancing myself from this special interest; I'm not sure how to do that. I'm obsessed with this. I can't just stop, can I? I wish I could because it often makes me feel like crap. But I can't.
08 Aug 2012, 7:04 am
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
I did this too, I spent almost all my time trying to work out what was wrong with me, I went on website after website, watched program after program and considered just about every mental health problem known to man. But tbh you can make almost any diagnosis fit you if you try hard enough.
It gets to a point though where you have so many of these diagnoses swimming around in your head and so many questions, you can't remember what you're ACTUALLY like any more, so be careful.
I would try to distance yourself from this special interest if I were you, it's easy to slip and start describing yourself as if you had one of those disorders, the only way a pscyh will be able to tell is if you are 100% yourself and completely open and honest.
Good Luck
It gets to a point though where you have so many of these diagnoses swimming around in your head and so many questions, you can't remember what you're ACTUALLY like any more, so be careful.
I would try to distance yourself from this special interest if I were you, it's easy to slip and start describing yourself as if you had one of those disorders, the only way a pscyh will be able to tell is if you are 100% yourself and completely open and honest.
Good Luck
Yeah, that's what I'm a bit afraid of.
About distancing myself from this special interest; I'm not sure how to do that. I'm obsessed with this. I can't just stop, can I? I wish I could because it often makes me feel like crap. But I can't.
I know that feeling too. It's so hard to pull yourself away from something that occupies your mind so entirely. You really have to be determined to stop!
I think maybe we often feel like it will be harder than it actually will be though. Is there anything else you can absorb yourself in at the moment? Maybe a book you've thought about reading; or a film you'd quite like to watch; a TV series you might like (this one could keep you going for a while!); or another interest that you have? I find once I get interested in a book or film I get quite absorbed and forget about everything else at least for a while. I watched NCIS for a whole month pretty much non-stop.. didn't do me much good I'd imagine but it was a distraction at least. Any distraction might help. Just try to keep yourself away from a computer, the temptation might become irresistible!
08 Aug 2012, 7:17 am
Patchwork wrote:
I know that feeling too. It's so hard to pull yourself away from something that occupies your mind so entirely. You really have to be determined to stop!
I think maybe we often feel like it will be harder than it actually will be though. Is there anything else you can absorb yourself in at the moment? Maybe a book you've thought about reading; or a film you'd quite like to watch; a TV series you might like (this one could keep you going for a while!); or another interest that you have? I find once I get interested in a book or film I get quite absorbed and forget about everything else at least for a while. I watched NCIS for a whole month pretty much non-stop.. didn't do me much good I'd imagine but it was a distraction at least. Any distraction might help. Just try to keep yourself away from a computer, the temptation might become irresistible!
I think maybe we often feel like it will be harder than it actually will be though. Is there anything else you can absorb yourself in at the moment? Maybe a book you've thought about reading; or a film you'd quite like to watch; a TV series you might like (this one could keep you going for a while!); or another interest that you have? I find once I get interested in a book or film I get quite absorbed and forget about everything else at least for a while. I watched NCIS for a whole month pretty much non-stop.. didn't do me much good I'd imagine but it was a distraction at least. Any distraction might help. Just try to keep yourself away from a computer, the temptation might become irresistible!
It's extremely difficult, yes. I'm a very obsessive person.
I do try to distract myself. Sometimes I go for a walk or go on the swings for a while. I often watch TV-series (I get obsessed with them too), play the piano or read about astronomy. But no matter if I do these things and actually manage not to read or watch documentaries about mental illness, I still think about my mental health all the time. Knowing something's "wrong" but not knowing what it is makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I'm scared I've convinced myself something's wrong when maybe I'm completely sane and "normal." I doubt it though.
08 Aug 2012, 8:04 am
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
I know that feeling too. It's so hard to pull yourself away from something that occupies your mind so entirely. You really have to be determined to stop!
I think maybe we often feel like it will be harder than it actually will be though. Is there anything else you can absorb yourself in at the moment? Maybe a book you've thought about reading; or a film you'd quite like to watch; a TV series you might like (this one could keep you going for a while!); or another interest that you have? I find once I get interested in a book or film I get quite absorbed and forget about everything else at least for a while. I watched NCIS for a whole month pretty much non-stop.. didn't do me much good I'd imagine but it was a distraction at least. Any distraction might help. Just try to keep yourself away from a computer, the temptation might become irresistible!
I think maybe we often feel like it will be harder than it actually will be though. Is there anything else you can absorb yourself in at the moment? Maybe a book you've thought about reading; or a film you'd quite like to watch; a TV series you might like (this one could keep you going for a while!); or another interest that you have? I find once I get interested in a book or film I get quite absorbed and forget about everything else at least for a while. I watched NCIS for a whole month pretty much non-stop.. didn't do me much good I'd imagine but it was a distraction at least. Any distraction might help. Just try to keep yourself away from a computer, the temptation might become irresistible!
It's extremely difficult, yes. I'm a very obsessive person.
I do try to distract myself. Sometimes I go for a walk or go on the swings for a while. I often watch TV-series (I get obsessed with them too), play the piano or read about astronomy. But no matter if I do these things and actually manage not to read or watch documentaries about mental illness, I still think about my mental health all the time. Knowing something's "wrong" but not knowing what it is makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I'm scared I've convinced myself something's wrong when maybe I'm completely sane and "normal." I doubt it though.
I know you won't be able to stop thinking about it even if you manage to distract yourself long enough. But if you can find some distractions you might be able to hold it at bay until you get seen by a professional. I can understand the not knowing. Every time I'm ill or I know something's going to happen, like when I was pregnant or I broke my leg, I read everything I possibly could about everything to do with those subjects, because I needed to know every eventuality, every possibility, every complication, every cure for every disease etc, because I feel so much less anxious about it if I feel I know everything. I searched and searched for what was wrong with me before I was diagnosed. But I don't think you will be able to accept it properly if you see someone with your head so full of possible diagnoses and symptoms and signs, even if you are diagnosed with one, you'll probably always doubt it was the right one, and wonder if you only told them that symptoms because you'd read it and not because it's really you.
I often manage to convince myself there's something wrong with me when there's not... until I calm down and think a bit more logically about it!
I don't think if you were "completely sane and 'normal'" you would be so completely absorbed in "finding out what's wrong with you", "normal" people don't do these things! If you do find you can't stop doing it, try focusing on treatments rather than symptoms and diagnosis, that way you're still focusing on your interest, but a less confusing aspect of it. There are so many symptoms that overlap between things like Asperger's and OCD and anxiety disorders, it's unlikely you'd be able to work out which one you have anyway, only someone unbiased and with an outside perspective could do it rationally and accurately.
08 Aug 2012, 8:26 am
Patchwork wrote:
Every time I'm ill or I know something's going to happen, like when I was pregnant or I broke my leg, I read everything I possibly could about everything to do with those subjects, because I needed to know every eventuality, every possibility, every complication, every cure for every disease etc, because I feel so much less anxious about it if I feel I know everything.
Me too. But in this case it just makes me more and more confused.
Patchwork wrote:
I searched and searched for what was wrong with me before I was diagnosed. But I don't think you will be able to accept it properly if you see someone with your head so full of possible diagnoses and symptoms and signs, even if you are diagnosed with one, you'll probably always doubt it was the right one, and wonder if you only told them that symptoms because you'd read it and not because it's really you.
Like I said before, this is something I'm worried about.
I've got a list. A list of my behaviours. A list of things traits that make my life difficult. It's 17 pages long. I'm obsessed about that list too. I've read it over and over and over again, many times, to make sure I haven't written something which isn't the truth. I've erased everything I'm not sure of. In the list I've written about things such as being bullied, never being a girly girl, having social issues, taking jokes literally, having sensory issues, counting steps when walking up and down stairs, feeling uneven (if I for example step on a crack with one foot and not with the other one, I feel uneven) and loads of things like that. I'm just really scared that I've imagined these traits as something I experience because I've read about them. That's not what I want. When I see a psychologist I want to make sure I'm being myself. I mean, people see I'm not feeling well. People tell me I'm isolated and introverted. People tell me I have poor eye contact. People tell me I never smile in photos. People tell me I'm very quiet and very intelligent. People tell me I sometimes don't understand jokes. People tell me I'm a thinker. People tell me I'm weird because I can't stand things not being symmetrical and orderly. People have always told me I'm very shy and scared of others. I don't know who I am. I don't understand myself. I just want to know what's going on inside my head so I can start accepting myself and learning how to deal with life. Right now I can't even work properly. I just want the psychologists to see the real me. How can I make sure that happens? Sorry for this turning into a bit of a rant.
Patchwork wrote:
I don't think if you were "completely sane and 'normal'" you would be so completely absorbed in "finding out what's wrong with you", "normal" people don't do these things! If you do find you can't stop doing it, try focusing on treatments rather than symptoms and diagnosis, that way you're still focusing on your interest, but a less confusing aspect of it. There are so many symptoms that overlap between things like Asperger's and OCD and anxiety disorders, it's unlikely you'd be able to work out which one you have anyway, only someone unbiased and with an outside perspective could do it rationally and accurately.
Can't "normal" people be obsessive?
EDIT: People have told me things such as me having poor eye contact, social anxiety, wanting things in a certain way (orderly, straight, symmetrical), being quiet, taking jokes literally etc before I even started looking into my mental health. So at least those traits must be real.
08 Aug 2012, 9:11 am
I've felt that way too. I was also afraid that reading about aspergers and things like that would make it seem like i had it when i really didnt. Its so confusing and im to the point where i dont give a crap what i have becus everyone is unique whether u have a disorder/syndrome or not. I can think of a few things that seem to fit me
Aspergers
Borderline personality disorder
maybe abit of ADD
was diagnosed with depression, and social anxiety/selective mutism
08 Aug 2012, 9:49 am
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
Every time I'm ill or I know something's going to happen, like when I was pregnant or I broke my leg, I read everything I possibly could about everything to do with those subjects, because I needed to know every eventuality, every possibility, every complication, every cure for every disease etc, because I feel so much less anxious about it if I feel I know everything.
Me too. But in this case it just makes me more and more confused.
Patchwork wrote:
I searched and searched for what was wrong with me before I was diagnosed. But I don't think you will be able to accept it properly if you see someone with your head so full of possible diagnoses and symptoms and signs, even if you are diagnosed with one, you'll probably always doubt it was the right one, and wonder if you only told them that symptoms because you'd read it and not because it's really you.
Like I said before, this is something I'm worried about.
I've got a list. A list of my behaviours. A list of things traits that make my life difficult. It's 17 pages long. I'm obsessed about that list too. I've read it over and over and over again, many times, to make sure I haven't written something which isn't the truth. I've erased everything I'm not sure of. In the list I've written about things such as being bullied, never being a girly girl, having social issues, taking jokes literally, having sensory issues, counting steps when walking up and down stairs, feeling uneven (if I for example step on a crack with one foot and not with the other one, I feel uneven) and loads of things like that. I'm just really scared that I've imagined these traits as something I experience because I've read about them. That's not what I want. When I see a psychologist I want to make sure I'm being myself. I mean, people see I'm not feeling well. People tell me I'm isolated and introverted. People tell me I have poor eye contact. People tell me I never smile in photos. People tell me I'm very quiet and very intelligent. People tell me I sometimes don't understand jokes. People tell me I'm a thinker. People tell me I'm weird because I can't stand things not being symmetrical and orderly. People have always told me I'm very shy and scared of others. I don't know who I am. I don't understand myself. I just want to know what's going on inside my head so I can start accepting myself and learning how to deal with life. Right now I can't even work properly. I just want the psychologists to see the real me. How can I make sure that happens? Sorry for this turning into a bit of a rant.
Patchwork wrote:
I don't think if you were "completely sane and 'normal'" you would be so completely absorbed in "finding out what's wrong with you", "normal" people don't do these things! If you do find you can't stop doing it, try focusing on treatments rather than symptoms and diagnosis, that way you're still focusing on your interest, but a less confusing aspect of it. There are so many symptoms that overlap between things like Asperger's and OCD and anxiety disorders, it's unlikely you'd be able to work out which one you have anyway, only someone unbiased and with an outside perspective could do it rationally and accurately.
Can't "normal" people be obsessive?
EDIT: People have told me things such as me having poor eye contact, social anxiety, wanting things in a certain way (orderly, straight, symmetrical), being quiet, taking jokes literally etc before I even started looking into my mental health. So at least those traits must be real.
You sound so much like I did when I was waiting to see a psychiatrist it's a little creepy in all honesty.. it's like talking to myself! xD I can completely relate, Believe me, I know how confused it can make you, especially when you're trying to work out what's going on in your head, because things just go round and round and get all jumbled up, and you can't shut them up. I think the confusion is making you even more anxious, so you research even more, which makes you doubt, which confuses you, which makes you anxious.. you're in a really bad cycle right now. I don't think there's anything you can do to make it any easier, except try to distract yourself, and talk it over with someone, which you are doing! If it gets REALLY bad, like to the point you think you're going to explode, go to your GP, they can give you some anti-anxiety medication which might help.
I think you've done EVERYTHING you can do now in regards to diagnosing yourself and making your symptoms easy for the psych to understand. Your list is a brilliant idea, but you need to put it away and try to relax. Are there ANY activities you find relaxing? Maybe playing a game or going for a walk? You really need to take your mind off it! You could try talking about your hobbies or interests of something, that might help..
Obsessions to that extent aren't normal. If you're researching this up to 10 hours a day it's definitely an obsession. Obsessions are a problem, they affect your daily functioning. It's obvious this one is making you quite distressed and obviously affecting you a lot.
08 Aug 2012, 10:23 am
Patchwork wrote:
You sound so much like I did when I was waiting to see a psychiatrist it's a little creepy in all honesty.. it's like talking to myself! xD I can completely relate, Believe me, I know how confused it can make you, especially when you're trying to work out what's going on in your head, because things just go round and round and get all jumbled up, and you can't shut them up. I think the confusion is making you even more anxious, so you research even more, which makes you doubt, which confuses you, which makes you anxious.. you're in a really bad cycle right now. I don't think there's anything you can do to make it any easier, except try to distract yourself, and talk it over with someone, which you are doing! If it gets REALLY bad, like to the point you think you're going to explode, go to your GP, they can give you some anti-anxiety medication which might help.
It's nice talking to someone who can relate. That doesn't happen very often. Not for me anyway.
You're right about the bad cycle. It's a vicious circle. I've been to my GP but they won't help me since I'm moving to another city in a few weeks to try to study at university (that makes me very anxious as well by the way). Don't really want to take any medication until I know what I'm getting treated for anyway. I'm feeling very desperate though. Have been feeling desperate for the past 6 months or so. Can't really do anything but wait though.
Patchwork wrote:
I think you've done EVERYTHING you can do now in regards to diagnosing yourself and making your symptoms easy for the psych to understand. Your list is a brilliant idea, but you need to put it away and try to relax. Are there ANY activities you find relaxing? Maybe playing a game or going for a walk? You really need to take your mind off it! You could try talking about your hobbies or interests of something, that might help.
Thanks, I think the list is a good idea too. I'm much more comfortable writing than speaking so I figured I can give the list to the psychologist when I meet him/her. Maybe it's sounds weird but I'm really longing for someone to read the list and understand me. I've never really felt understood. Is that weird?
I don't know if there are any activities I find relaxing. I haven't felt particularly relaxed in quite some time to be honest. And even though I might find things that are physically relaxing, my mind never shuts up. It just keeps forcing me to think about this obsession. It makes me anxious. And when I'm anxious and/or stressed my muscles (especially in my shoulders) get tense and I experience more sensory issues (especially touch and issues with clothes) and loads of things. I love science though. Sometimes, when reading about astronomy and space or the human brain or something, I get so excited I don't know what to do with myself so I sort of bounce up and down in my chair lost for words (in awe).
Not sure who I can talk to about my interests though (science for example). I have a few friends (who I hardly ever meet) but when I socialise with them we never really talk about those things. So they talk about other things. I'm okay with that but it makes me go into my own world in my mind. Not an imaginary world. I just think. I'm in my head a lot. Do you know what I mean? I'm sorry I'm writing so much, I just want to see if you understand. If someone understands.
Patchwork wrote:
Obsessions to that extent aren't normal. If you're researching this up to 10 hours a day it's definitely an obsession. Obsessions are a problem, they affect your daily functioning. It's obvious this one is making you quite distressed and obviously affecting you a lot.
I'm not sure I spend 10 hours every day just researching. But I sit at the computer most of the time I'm awake (which I guess isn't really that healthy) and most of the time I'm at my computer I spend reading things here at WP, researching things and watching TV-series (when watching TV-series I still think about my obsession). Sometimes I forget to eat. Sometimes I prioritise the obsession/special interest over socialising with people. And then my parents knock on my door and tell me they're worried because I'm so isolated. They worry because I don't want to talk or cuddle with them etc (I love them but I just want to be by myself). That makes me feel guilty. Perhaps I should be more outgoing. I just don't know how to.
Rant over.
EDIT: I think people sort of look at me and think that they've got me all figured out. I think they look at me and think my life's "normal." They see I've got a boyfriend. They see I've got a good family. They see I'm going off to university. They see a shy but intelligent person, but a person with a good life. I hate that. I'm tired of it. They don't know me. They don't see what goes on in my head.
08 Aug 2012, 11:01 am
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
You sound so much like I did when I was waiting to see a psychiatrist it's a little creepy in all honesty.. it's like talking to myself! xD I can completely relate, Believe me, I know how confused it can make you, especially when you're trying to work out what's going on in your head, because things just go round and round and get all jumbled up, and you can't shut them up. I think the confusion is making you even more anxious, so you research even more, which makes you doubt, which confuses you, which makes you anxious.. you're in a really bad cycle right now. I don't think there's anything you can do to make it any easier, except try to distract yourself, and talk it over with someone, which you are doing! If it gets REALLY bad, like to the point you think you're going to explode, go to your GP, they can give you some anti-anxiety medication which might help.
It's nice talking to someone who can relate. That doesn't happen very often. Not for me anyway.
I don't find people who I can relate to often, so it's nice for me too.
vortex wrote:
You're right about the bad cycle. It's a vicious circle. I've been to my GP but they won't help me since I'm moving to another city in a few weeks to try to study at university (that makes me very anxious as well by the way). Don't really want to take any medication until I know what I'm getting treated for anyway. I'm feeling very desperate though. Have been feeling desperate for the past 6 months or so. Can't really do anything but wait though.
Thanks, I think the list is a good idea too. I'm much more comfortable writing than speaking so I figured I can give the list to the psychologist when I meet him/her. Maybe it's sounds weird but I'm really longing for someone to read the list and understand me. I've never really felt understood. Is that weird?
Patchwork wrote:
I think you've done EVERYTHING you can do now in regards to diagnosing yourself and making your symptoms easy for the psych to understand. Your list is a brilliant idea, but you need to put it away and try to relax. Are there ANY activities you find relaxing? Maybe playing a game or going for a walk? You really need to take your mind off it! You could try talking about your hobbies or interests of something, that might help.
Thanks, I think the list is a good idea too. I'm much more comfortable writing than speaking so I figured I can give the list to the psychologist when I meet him/her. Maybe it's sounds weird but I'm really longing for someone to read the list and understand me. I've never really felt understood. Is that weird?
For me it got so bad I attempted suicide, just to stop the damn thoughts and get some peace. Didn't work, but I did get help afterwards, though I wouldn't recommend it. If you get that desperate you're much better off just walking into the emergency room and telling them you need help.
I wrote lists and letters too as I was pretty much a mute at that point, though I couldn't watch people reading them! I at least managed SOME communication with the help of my writing though, so it really helped I think.
I don't think it's weird, when people are confused or feel different they have this need to be understood, and to understand themselves, I think it's completely normal. If it will make you feel better, type your list up (if it's not already) and send it me, and I'll read it. It's not the same as being there in person, but it might help a little.
vortex wrote:
I don't know if there are any activities I find relaxing. I haven't felt particularly relaxed in quite some time to be honest. And even though I might find things that are physically relaxing, my mind never shuts up. It just keeps forcing me to think about this obsession. It makes me anxious. And when I'm anxious and/or stressed my muscles (especially in my shoulders) get tense and I experience more sensory issues (especially touch and issues with clothes) and loads of things. I love science though. Sometimes, when reading about astronomy and space or the human brain or something, I get so excited I don't know what to do with myself so I sort of bounce up and down in my chair lost for words (in awe).
Not sure who I can talk to about my interests though (science for example). I have a few friends (who I hardly ever meet) but when I socialise with them we never really talk about those things. So they talk about other things. I'm okay with that but it makes me being somewhere else in my mind. I'm in my head a lot. Do you know what I mean? I'm sorry I'm writing so much, I just want to see if you understand. If someone understands.
Not sure who I can talk to about my interests though (science for example). I have a few friends (who I hardly ever meet) but when I socialise with them we never really talk about those things. So they talk about other things. I'm okay with that but it makes me being somewhere else in my mind. I'm in my head a lot. Do you know what I mean? I'm sorry I'm writing so much, I just want to see if you understand. If someone understands.
I know what you mean. People aren't often interested in my interests, they're different I guess, like you I'm really interested in the body, and quite often I will look up a symptom I'm having or something, and get carried away reading about all sorts of different illnesses or how a specific system works. At the minute I'm interested in the endocrine system. The human body fascinates me, especially the brain and pregnancy, if I was better at social skills I would have been a doctor or a midwife. You can use your interests to your advantage though, and use them to distract yourself when you really need it, just for a bit of relief if nothing else.
It's hard to focus on what other people are talking about when you're not that interested. I'm almost always thinking about something different when someone's talking to me. I always got told I was a daydreamer even when I was little, I'm so often off in my own head somewhere. People often ask me what's wrong because I have a "faraway look" whatever that is..
I don't mind you writing loads. I know how much it would have helped me to have someone I could talk to when I was in your position, I found someone I could talk to eventually, but I suffered a lot before then, and I'm sure that if I could just have found someone who understood me and would listen to me, I would have been able to handle it all better.
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
Obsessions to that extent aren't normal. If you're researching this up to 10 hours a day it's definitely an obsession. Obsessions are a problem, they affect your daily functioning. It's obvious this one is making you quite distressed and obviously affecting you a lot.
I'm not sure I spend 10 hours every day just researching. But I sit at the computer most of the time I'm awake (which I guess isn't really that healthy) and most of the time I'm at my computer I spend reading things here at WP, researching things and watching TV-series (when watching TV-series I still think about my obsession). Sometimes I forget to eat. Sometimes I prioritise the obsession/special interest over socialising with people. And then my parents knock on my door and tell me they're worried because I'm so isolated. They worry because I don't want to talk or cuddle with them etc (I love them but I just want to be by myself). That makes me feel guilty. Perhaps I should be more outgoing. I just don't know how to.
Rant over.
If you're constantly thinking about it, and can't concentrate on anything else, it's definitely an obsession! (Or a "special interest") I was exactly like you, I would spend all my time in my room on the internet, looking at possible diagnosis, talking to people online, lingering in forums. I think my parents were just relieved that they didn't have to deal with me tbh, and didn't bother me much. I did feel guilty that people worried about me so much, but it's difficult to be with people when you don't want to. It's so hard when you're in limbo, waiting for a diagnosis, not feeling like you can move on without one, but not able to pretend there's nothing wrong any more. The only thing I can say really, is try to socialise, even if you really don't want to, because the more you isolate yourself, the more anxious and depressed you will feel. You need other people around to help keep you grounded and distracted. Otherwise it's all too easy to disappear into yourself, completely consumed by your obsession, and it can be really difficult to pull yourself out again. The sooner you get out, the better.
08 Aug 2012, 11:18 am
Patchwork wrote:
For me it got so bad I attempted suicide, just to stop the damn thoughts and get some peace. Didn't work, but I did get help afterwards, though I wouldn't recommend it. If you get that desperate you're much better off just walking into the emergency room and telling them you need help.
I wrote lists and letters too as I was pretty much a mute at that point, though I couldn't watch people reading them! I at least managed SOME communication with the help of my writing though, so it really helped I think.
I wrote lists and letters too as I was pretty much a mute at that point, though I couldn't watch people reading them! I at least managed SOME communication with the help of my writing though, so it really helped I think.
Good you got help. I'm not planning on committing suicide. I want to live. I like life and I like living. It's just difficult to handle things nowadays (or well, it has been for a long time but I haven't really admitted it).
Writing's good. It's easier to communicate that way. It also helps putting thoughts into words (even though you might not verbalise them).
Patchwork wrote:
I don't think it's weird, when people are confused or feel different they have this need to be understood, and to understand themselves, I think it's completely normal. If it will make you feel better, type your list up (if it's not already) and send it me, and I'll read it. It's not the same as being there in person, but it might help a little.
Really? You'd do that? I mean, it's a long list. 17-ish pages. If you really want to read it, I'll send it to you.
Patchwork wrote:
I know what you mean. People aren't often interested in my interests, they're different I guess, like you I'm really interested in the body, and quite often I will look up a symptom I'm having or something, and get carried away reading about all sorts of different illnesses or how a specific system works. At the minute I'm interested in the endocrine system. The human body fascinates me, especially the brain and pregnancy, if I was better at social skills I would have been a doctor or a midwife. You can use your interests to your advantage though, and use them to distract yourself when you really need it, just for a bit of relief if nothing else.
The human body fascinates me too! I love reading about it. Especially the brain. I'm taking a Physics course at university next academic year but after that I'm planning on studying Biomedicine for 5 years (bachelor's degree and master's degree). Then you get to read a lot about the human body, the brain, medications etc. I find it very interesting.
Patchwork wrote:
I don't mind you writing loads. I know how much it would have helped me to have someone I could talk to when I was in your position, I found someone I could talk to eventually, but I suffered a lot before then, and I'm sure that if I could just have found someone who understood me and would listen to me, I would have been able to handle it all better.
That's very nice of you. Thanks.
Patchwork wrote:
If you're constantly thinking about it, and can't concentrate on anything else, it's definitely an obsession! (Or a "special interest") I was exactly like you, I would spend all my time in my room on the internet, looking at possible diagnosis, talking to people online, lingering in forums. I think my parents were just relieved that they didn't have to deal with me tbh, and didn't bother me much. I did feel guilty that people worried about me so much, but it's difficult to be with people when you don't want to. It's so hard when you're in limbo, waiting for a diagnosis, not feeling like you can move on without one, but not able to pretend there's nothing wrong any more. The only thing I can say really, is try to socialise, even if you really don't want to, because the more you isolate yourself, the more anxious and depressed you will feel. You need other people around to help keep you grounded and distracted. Otherwise it's all too easy to disappear into yourself, completely consumed by your obsession, and it can be really difficult to pull yourself out again. The sooner you get out, the better.
Then I guess it's an obsession/special interest.
I sort of started to feel guilty quite recently. Just because people keep telling me I'm too isolated. It's true that it's easier to get completely consumed by the obsession and that it's easier to feel more anxious and depressed when alone. But I also love being by myself. I like socialising with people but only when I'm in the mood for it.
08 Aug 2012, 12:03 pm
Sure I'd read it. I'd find it very interesting I think. Do you want feedback, or just for me to read it? I can send you my e-mail address in a private message if you want to e-mail it to me.
I think it's probably a good thing you're going to a psych to get a diagnosis with uni coming up, it will probably help you a lot to get some support, I know a lot of people can find uni very difficult if they have AS or other mental health issues, though, sounds as if you have coped with school etc so far, so hopefully you will be fine.
I would have loved to have studied medicine, but my life just didn't go that way. I envy you! Hopefully I will get a chance to do so later in life, but I kind of doubt it, it's just one of those opportunities I didn't really get. I can still learn plenty though, even if it will never be an occupation for me.
Being alone can be good, I enjoy being alone in quiet contemplation for a while, just don't let it go too far. Make sure you don't let it completely overwhelm you. As long as you don't let the obsession get out of hand and you socialise when you need to there's no need to feel guilty. Everybody needs some time to themselves, and everybody likes to spend time doing things they want to. I've learned to limit mine, even though they get out of hand a bit sometimes, I can tell when they do and stop it.
08 Aug 2012, 12:08 pm
Patchwork wrote:
Sure I'd read it. I'd find it very interesting I think. Do you want feedback, or just for me to read it? I can send you my e-mail address in a private message if you want to e-mail it to me.
I think it's probably a good thing you're going to a psych to get a diagnosis with uni coming up, it will probably help you a lot to get some support, I know a lot of people can find uni very difficult if they have AS or other mental health issues, though, sounds as if you have coped with school etc so far, so hopefully you will be fine.
I would have loved to have studied medicine, but my life just didn't go that way. I envy you! Hopefully I will get a chance to do so later in life, but I kind of doubt it, it's just one of those opportunities I didn't really get. I can still learn plenty though, even if it will never be an occupation for me.
Being alone can be good, I enjoy being alone in quiet contemplation for a while, just don't let it go too far. Make sure you don't let it completely overwhelm you. As long as you don't let the obsession get out of hand and you socialise when you need to there's no need to feel guilty. Everybody needs some time to themselves, and everybody likes to spend time doing things they want to. I've learned to limit mine, even though they get out of hand a bit sometimes, I can tell when they do and stop it.
I think it's probably a good thing you're going to a psych to get a diagnosis with uni coming up, it will probably help you a lot to get some support, I know a lot of people can find uni very difficult if they have AS or other mental health issues, though, sounds as if you have coped with school etc so far, so hopefully you will be fine.
I would have loved to have studied medicine, but my life just didn't go that way. I envy you! Hopefully I will get a chance to do so later in life, but I kind of doubt it, it's just one of those opportunities I didn't really get. I can still learn plenty though, even if it will never be an occupation for me.
Being alone can be good, I enjoy being alone in quiet contemplation for a while, just don't let it go too far. Make sure you don't let it completely overwhelm you. As long as you don't let the obsession get out of hand and you socialise when you need to there's no need to feel guilty. Everybody needs some time to themselves, and everybody likes to spend time doing things they want to. I've learned to limit mine, even though they get out of hand a bit sometimes, I can tell when they do and stop it.
Sure, please send the email address. If you want to give feedback that'd be nice, but you don't have to. Would you like to give feedback?
I coped with school. Got lower grades than I "deserved" throughout all my school years though. Due to me being so quiet.
08 Aug 2012, 12:38 pm
vortex wrote:
Patchwork wrote:
Sure I'd read it. I'd find it very interesting I think. Do you want feedback, or just for me to read it? I can send you my e-mail address in a private message if you want to e-mail it to me.
I think it's probably a good thing you're going to a psych to get a diagnosis with uni coming up, it will probably help you a lot to get some support, I know a lot of people can find uni very difficult if they have AS or other mental health issues, though, sounds as if you have coped with school etc so far, so hopefully you will be fine.
I would have loved to have studied medicine, but my life just didn't go that way. I envy you! Hopefully I will get a chance to do so later in life, but I kind of doubt it, it's just one of those opportunities I didn't really get. I can still learn plenty though, even if it will never be an occupation for me.
Being alone can be good, I enjoy being alone in quiet contemplation for a while, just don't let it go too far. Make sure you don't let it completely overwhelm you. As long as you don't let the obsession get out of hand and you socialise when you need to there's no need to feel guilty. Everybody needs some time to themselves, and everybody likes to spend time doing things they want to. I've learned to limit mine, even though they get out of hand a bit sometimes, I can tell when they do and stop it.
I think it's probably a good thing you're going to a psych to get a diagnosis with uni coming up, it will probably help you a lot to get some support, I know a lot of people can find uni very difficult if they have AS or other mental health issues, though, sounds as if you have coped with school etc so far, so hopefully you will be fine.
I would have loved to have studied medicine, but my life just didn't go that way. I envy you! Hopefully I will get a chance to do so later in life, but I kind of doubt it, it's just one of those opportunities I didn't really get. I can still learn plenty though, even if it will never be an occupation for me.
Being alone can be good, I enjoy being alone in quiet contemplation for a while, just don't let it go too far. Make sure you don't let it completely overwhelm you. As long as you don't let the obsession get out of hand and you socialise when you need to there's no need to feel guilty. Everybody needs some time to themselves, and everybody likes to spend time doing things they want to. I've learned to limit mine, even though they get out of hand a bit sometimes, I can tell when they do and stop it.
Sure, please send the email address. If you want to give feedback that'd be nice, but you don't have to. Would you like to give feedback?
I coped with school. Got lower grades than I "deserved" throughout all my school years though. Due to me being so quiet.
Yeah, my lack of effort and joining in group activities was taken as a lack of effort! Very unfair as far as I was concerned, but they didn't know about the AS or whatever.
I'll give feedback if I think I can offer anything useful.
