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TrainofLove
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01 Aug 2012, 12:38 pm

I am a nice person, but I find I'm a very selfish person and care about myself and put myself before others.

Is anyone else like this?



whirlingmind
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01 Aug 2012, 12:48 pm

I would say no. I believe being selfish is being aware of how others are affected by your action or behaviour and doing it anyway, people with AS might lack some of this type of awareness or at least are not doing the behaviour maliciously. Of course I'm sure it's possible to have AS and also be a malicious person as everyone has their own personality, but I still would imagine that their AS would have some bearing on their actions.


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01 Aug 2012, 12:48 pm

I get accused of being selfish. I still am sometimes.


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01 Aug 2012, 1:24 pm

I wouldn't say I care only for myself and my own interests, there are a lot of people and things I care about, but I probably appear to be selfish, as I fail to show my concern for others in a recognised way.



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01 Aug 2012, 1:25 pm

People with Asperger's may be selfish, or they may be selfless. Remember, we are all individuals.

In general , though, I'd say people with AS are typically kind, but are prone to getting caught up in their own interests, especially when they're anxious.



Kenjitsuka
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01 Aug 2012, 1:27 pm

Absolutely the opposite in my case, always putting others before myself to be liked.
Zero self-worth for decades...

Nope, not at all.


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01 Aug 2012, 1:28 pm

I've been accused of it, but I don't know that it's true......I mean I don't regard myself very highly at all and I am always worried about letting people down, bothering them, burdening them, pissing them off ect I mean I sometimes forget to think about my needs and wants even when I should be. I can be in some ways though......I am sure all humans can be selfish and are at times.


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01 Aug 2012, 1:31 pm

They can be.
I'd say, if anything they look as if they were selfish but it's not on purpose. It's just difficult to understand how your own actions affect others in what ways. Understanding others and being aware of your effect on them, that's a task. It's acknowledging others interests, tastes, and thoughts which is difficult.


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01 Aug 2012, 1:45 pm

TrainofLove wrote:
I am a nice person, but I find I'm a very selfish person and care about myself and put myself before others.


If that is the case everybody is selfish, because everybody puts themselves before others, because that is the way it HAS to be. For me, it is immoral to put others before yourself... unless you have children, in which case your children go first, or in case you are married, in which case you and your partner are one entity, so you have to decide together how to proceed. When I was younger I used to think that, in case of an accident, the only person I would save would be my little sister, because she was you ger than me and the youngest must survive in order to continue the species.

What you perceive as people putting others before themselves is to comply with social requirements, but do not fool yourself, in the end they are as selfish as you are.



Trainbuff
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01 Aug 2012, 1:50 pm

Most times I feel like this, been treated poorly so much thought my life caused to develop a "screw other people" mentality.



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01 Aug 2012, 2:26 pm

If I don't tink about things, then yes I am. If I take the time to think things through, think about how I would feel if I were the other person, have I been in a situation like this before, how did it go, how did I feel etc... Then I can be not selfish. It boils down to the whole empathy thing I think I have to rationalize and logic it out and then I can be fair... if that makes sense.

Somethings are so common place that they are easy now, like splitting the last donut or sharing the last beer. But more complicated things are harder and less common and don't come naturally at all. I Really have to think and figure out if I'm being selfish and what not being selfish would like like in a particular situation and, or course, is it worth the effort to not be selfish in the situation.



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01 Aug 2012, 2:50 pm

I'm pretty generous until it comes to my special toys, than yes, not only am I selfish but jealous as well. I can't stand for strangers to look at my models and toys that are special to me, though I never hid any of them brother or even try to hide them.



Tiranasta
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01 Aug 2012, 2:54 pm

I am, but I'm not sure it's a rule of Aspergers (except insofar as that all people are selfish).



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01 Aug 2012, 3:08 pm

Puting aside personal experiences, I am confused by the "traditional" view on the "generic" aspie being selfish or not. On the one hand, it is always said that aspieness is NOT selfishness and confusing the two is misconception. On the other hand, it says that aspies lack empathy. But isn't lack of empathy the definition of selfishness? So I am not sure why saying "aspies lack empathy" is fine while saying "aspies are selfish" is not. I guess I am probably missing something.



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01 Aug 2012, 3:15 pm

Roman wrote:
But isn't lack of empathy the definition of selfishness?


No, it most emphatically is not.

Lack of empathy implies that one has trouble reading and/or picking up on the emotional cues of another person, and as a result, is unable to imagine the emotional state of that person.

Selfishness refers to a preoccupation with one's own personal gain, when it would be a small bother to concern oneself more with another in a given situation.

In other words, it could be simplified to lack of empathy stemming from an inability. while selfishness has an unwillingness at its core. The two are, however, not opposites. They are two fairly unrelated phenomena.

Empathy and selfishness are also not mutually exclusive. One could lack empathy and be very selfless, and someone else could be selfish, yet have no problem empathising with people. Especially that last statement may seem like a contradiction, but you'd be surpri


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Roman
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01 Aug 2012, 3:19 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
Roman wrote:
But isn't lack of empathy the definition of selfishness?


No, it most emphatically is not.

Lack of empathy implies that one has trouble reading and/or picking up on the emotional cues of another person, and as a result, is unable to imagine the emotional state of that person.

Selfishness refers to a preoccupation with one's own personal gain, when it would be a small bother to concern oneself more with another in a given situation.

In other words, it could be simplified to lack of empathy stemming from an inability. while selfishness has an unwillingness at its core. The two are, however, not opposites. They are two fairly unrelated phenomena.


Then how about "sympathy"? Are you saying that aspies DO have sympathy, while they lack empathy?