HasanyonebeentoldnottobeAspergers?

Post Reply New Topic

Has anyone been told not to be you? Has anyone told you not to be Aspergers not to bring out Aspergers not to act Aspergers? Has anyone been told to pretend to be this character or person someone else wants you to be or moulded you to be? I have. I have this friend who I thought was a genuine friend who I thought accepted me for me and understood me, say that to me the other day.

My friend told me the other day that she was just plain sick death of me being me, me being aspergers and for me to stop being Aspergers and to be a NT and to be this person she wants me to be. I honestly thought she accepted me for me warts and all.

My friend started saying all this after she started dating my other friend whos Mum does not believe there is such a thing as a disability even though her son has Autism she denys her son even has it and gets mad at him and tells him to grow up, harden up and puts him down if his just being himself. My friends Mum trys and changes people her son becomes friends with who have a disability and moulds them to the way she wants them to be she makes all of us cry and have meltdowns because of this and many of her sons friends have ended the friendship with him not because of him he is a lovely guy but because of his Mum. I too ended the friendship with him due to his Mum who was constantly putting me down and trying to change me and mould me to the person she wanted me to be. I spent most of my time at her place crying because of how mean she was I had meltdowns at her place all the time and I was having bad anxiety attacks and she was stressing me out.

My friend came to my Mum and I a few days ago before she started dating my other friend asking for Advice, Guidance and Information on Aspergers because her son had just been diagnosed with Aspergers and needed some help which my Mum and I kindly gave. My friend was keen, enthusastic and genuinely interested in learning about Aspergers and learning to understand her son alot better and getting the support and help for her son. Then she started dating my friend and now she is denying that her son has Aspergers that Aspergers does not exist and that he is normal and that her son is not like me and told me not to bring up the subject of Aspergers, Autism like its a disease and not to put her son in the same catergory as me. I felt so put down, I feel used and angrey because my Mum and I went out of our way to get all the information for her and give her the help then she turns around and does this. My Mum is furious with her that she took the time to sit down with her and discuss how she coped with me and how she looked after me and gave her advice and guidance then to have her turn around and deny her son even has AS and that it doesnt even exist and that the help we gave her was a waste of time.

I ended up ending the friendship with her and my other friend on a good note though, not a bad one and wished her all the best for the future. She ended up saying sorry to me and was upset that I was ending the friendship and that she still wanted to be friends. I said that I will still be her friend but not associate with her very much. I will be polite and say hello to her when I see her ( she only lives down the road from me ) but not have a big conversation with her. Is this the right thing to do?

I have a strong opinion of people and there not understanding of people with different disabilites whether its physical or mental. I have seen friends with different disabilites be put down to a piece of dirt, teased, belted up and even nearly killed by people who just do not understand and have a fear of the unknown or how to take someone so different from their norm. I too have experienced this in my life. That is why I feel so strongly about this and I stand up and speak about it at support worker, carer meetings, community organisations and disability workshops to educate people about Aspergers even people who work in disability organisations such as workshops still do not fully understand Aspergers. If anything the experiences I have had and I had to deal with and what I have seen my friends go through and other Aspies go through has made me stronger and want to speak out about it. I feel people should step out of the box and get into reality and start accepting people who maybe abit different from the normal and accept them for who they are and not be so judgemental.

I am accused of burdening people and using my AS as an excuse-whats all that about-it is who I am and I do not hide it and it affects my daily life and makes me who I am and its not an excuse-I did not ask for it and no matter what I will live with it the rest of my life-I did not realize that was an excuse to feel the way I do and question the way I feel about things and why I feel a certain way when things happen to me and ask the advice of others-I did not know that was using it as an excuse-I still feel the basic emotions and if I am happy I am happy and if I am sad I am sad-if these occur due to some event and I do not understand completely-I am going to research and ask questions-and I have been criticized for this-oh well some people NT people are above it all I guess ,especially my co workers.

Absolutely Yes! Especially in the working world where I have experienced it without mercy
since my first one at 14.
I think you did the right thing and if they truly want to be your friend they will prove it
with their actions at least you left the door open.

Mom has told me to be myself, not be Asperger's. She has told me I am not Asperger's, I am Beth. She has told me don't be Asperger's.

I think people like to tell us we are using AS as an excuse when they are frustrated, and want us to be accountable for what we have done to offend them. I get it a lot from my parents, they just want to be able to place blame, even when a genuine mistake has been made, or a simple misunderstanding has occurred. I think it's probably just as hard for them to relate to us as it is for us to relate to them.

It's hard, but not everyone can accept that their child has a disability, or is different. When you have a child you want them to be perfect, you want them to be the person you expected them to be. When they're not and you realise they're never going to be you almost grieve for the person you expected, and it can be very difficult to accept the person you actually have. Sometimes it goes as far as turning into resentment or hatred. Most people just need a bit of time to get over the shock and accept the truth.

It can be just the same for friends or siblings, they can get bullied because they are related to or friends with somebody with a disability or somebody who is different, or can become jealous of the attention they receive. It can be hard for them to accept too, and they can have a lot of difficult emotions because of it.

I think your friend was probably just frustrated and probably still in shock, and they probably didn't fully realise what they were saying or how it would make you feel. You should try to talk to them about it, or if they're not interested maybe distance yourself from them for a while rather than letting them upset you further and wait for them to calm down and come to you. I don't think ending the friendship altogether is a good idea, you need to learn how to educate and help people understand these things, and also how to repair relationships and work out differences, not simply cut people out of your life. It would do you both good to try and patch things up I think.

Yes, I'm practically not allowed to have AS in my house.

"Grow up" was practically all I ever heard from my parents.

I guess they didn't know why I behaved that way as there was no way for me to get diagnosed as a kid but honestly - how was I supposed to follow that advice?

Anyone who tells me that can FOAD!! !

There's a trope for that: Have You Tried Not Being A Monster.

Not to equate having AS with being a "monster", but I think the idea is the same, at least allegorically.

I've gotten this on occasion, even from people who supposedly understand what AS is like--it's like they periodically develop amnesia and expect me to be "normal."

Stop being Aspergers isn't even a useful request, its one thing to mention specific behaviors, its another thing to say stop being your condition. It'd be like telling someone to stop being blind but it wouldn't be unreasonable to request that they stop going on some kind of rant about everybody should have their eyes poked out because they're not blind like you.

I don't think some reasonable, emphasis on reasonable, requests for specific behaviors or changes aren't completely out of line but it'd be a case by case basis.

Using the trope of Have you Tried Not Being a Monster, I'd say it'd be unreasonable to ask but it might be reasonable to ask you not to kill the villagers.