Spotting an Aspie/NT

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This topic may seem a little weird. But I've really given it some thought, and now I just wonder how others see it.

I often hear from people that they can spot Aspies easily, and about the traits that make us Aspies stand out. Even in Aspies circles (on the net, but also outside it) we talk a lot about what out traits are.

So it was natural for me to ask myself, if I can actually tell who may be an Aspies and who are NTs.
My result is, that I can't see any difference at all, except for one thins: Those who react normally to me are usually Aspies. Those who become awquard, won't talk to me, or who get angry with me, are NTs.

All the stuff about how we're different and so on ... I don't see any of it. I don't mean that I think it isn't there. I just don't see it.

So now I'm curious to hear if there're others who have the same experience as I do?

I'd love to hear from NTs and Aspies both. ^^

Puzelle.

I can only spot an aspie if I know the person long enough and I go by what they say about themselves. I don't diagnose them over a few traits, especially if they accept me or agree with things I say such as people should be direct, honest, people being afraid of the truth.

I can spot an aspie online only if they say things about themselves that spell out AS. I suspected someone online being an aspie but I wasn't sure. The obsessions, taking things literal, difficulty with social interaction, the routines, screams out aspie. Turns out I was right and he did have it. He decided to go in and he got diagnosed all thanks to me. To this day he still thanks me for helping him and for discovering what he has. We're best friends.

I thought maybe my husband had it but I wasn't sure. He does have bain damage so it makes it hard to tell. He says he understands people too well to have it despite saying he has difficulty with them. Now he's decided to self diagnose just to turn me on because I'm aspiesexual and it scares him, just a little bit. My parents thought he did because they asked me if he did or not. I said back then I wasn't sure and talked about his brain damage. Now I say no. I say he has the traits.

Definitely. Before I got diagnosed or even knew what AS was, I happened to click with this kid at high school. Looking at him now, despite the fact that his traits are not that dysfunctional, he's definitely got that kind of brain.

We tend to have a lot of fun in classrooms or generally when in the company of others. The way I like to think about it is, we're both 'absent' from reality and the rest of the group most of the time. When two people are in the same room but they aren't 'there', they create a new 'there'. We're not always on the same page but it happens a lot, merely by virtue of the fact that we're both 'gone' from reality in the same way.

When most people are milling about on the surface of the Earth, Aspies are dancing around on the moon together.

I agree. Aspies are the only people who agree with my weird ideas totally as they are. But they are open to different interpretations... sigh. Sob!

I can spot aspies if they're doing sometihng like stimming or playing with their hands. Or wearing clothes like anime or game shirts and non-sensory trousers such as trackie bottoms.

I call it aspiedar. There are a few guys that live in my city that I suspect are aspies or at least are not NTs. It usually determine it buy their actions. There is one guy that I see walking alot, but every now and then as he is walking he'll start running and then slow down and start walking again. There is another guy that I have not seen in a while, its unusal to see someone wearing a winter coat in July when the temp is 80+ sometimes.

I always look awkward- I'd show up on an aspiedar like THAT!

I don't know if I can ever be accurate but I do 'diagnose' people that I meet, in the past two years I've met four people who I'm sure are undiagnosed Aspies, weirdly one of them seemed to feel a connection with me that he found uncomfortable - I'd catch him looking at me and when I looked up he'd look away (he's gay, so he didn't fancy me) - as if he could see 'something' in me that he couldn't work out... maybe his Aspie-dar knowing we were the same.

After more than a year of Aspie awareness, I still haven't spotted even one Aspie in "real life." Maybe because most of the traits don't look strange to me. It seems such a subjective condition that I don't feel qualified to be particularly sure that any given person has it. Also because I don't often take much of an interest in people, apart from the way they interact with me, though if somebody were to ask me specific questions about any individual I've hung about with, I could usually answer pretty reliably. It's quite strange because I don't understand why I don't ponder what people are like more often.....I can clearly do it, and I can see its great value for promoting better friendships, but somehow I'm just not in the habit

I've noticed individual Aspie traits in others though. Social ineptitude seems to be a property of most of the population. I've noticed a couple of people who seem to use way too much eye contact (like all the time they're talking to me, really staring ), and occasionally one who doesn't look at me very much....of course as I'm not often looking at them, it's hard for me to notice.

I guess what makes it difficult is that I've probably selected against neurotypicals in my life (mainstream people in general tend to annoy or bore me, and that was almost an absolute when I was younger). So I have no baseline with which to judge individual aberrations. I don't seem able to think of anybody as being particularly weird, in fact it's the highly-social mainstreamers who seem the most bizarre people to me, and even their behaviour makes some kind of sense if I think about it enough.

I've been intending to think back through all my past failed relationships to try to see if I can work out which side of the line they might have been, but it hasn't happened yet. My second wife had some of the signs - few friends, strange eye contact (rather overdone and contrived), physical clumsiness, apparent lack of sympathy (she nearly always seemed completely oblivious to any mental anguish I was going through, and her proposed solution to the problem of what to do with a cat that had just been killed by a car was to chuck it into the nearest dustbin and forget all about it), Inappropriate "humorous" comments in company that would be met with stunned silence and a rapid change of subject.

I'm sure my father had a lot of AS traits though. Restricted and stereotyped special interest, dislike of social events (especially big, noisy ones), social ineptitude, apparent lack of empathy (although he was a very loving parent), literal & logical communication style and way of thinking (hardly ever spoke about emotions). Talking past the point (almost infinitely!). He'd always explain everything to me as clearly as he possibly could (being undiagnosed, he presumably thought everybody needed that clarity just like he did). A great need for solitude. Small number of friends, very rarely keeping them for long. Inappropriate jokes and comments. Complete failure to understand women. Aversion to authority figures. Eye contact not quite right - a tendency to stare at the person he was speaking to.

Maybe a good method for Aspie-spotting would be to look at the AQ test questions and see if the particular individual seems to fit the profile?

I think this is generally true, but with one major exception. There are going to be those AS folks who hate themselves so much, that they will do anything to look "normal" and "NT-like", including putting down and hating people who don't appear "normal". My workmate is one of them... and suffice it to say, I don't get along with him.

That's not accurate. I had a therapist who liked putting her fingers together when she is nervous or moving her ring up and down her finger and she wasn't on the spectrum she claimed. Plus the stimming they're doing, they cold have movement disorders and the other stuff they have on, anyone can wear that stuff and be into video games. Lot of young people are anyway and I notice the most gamers are kids and young adults and adults up into their 30's. After that age rang, it's rare to see or hear about an older adult playing video games.

I can spot an aspie who is doing bench presses or squats, provided they aren't using too much weight. I'd feel more comfortable if they asked someone else to spot them.

That's also not accurate. Maybe I can start diagnosing people too. Anyone who doesn't agree with me must be an aspie, anyone who is inflexible must be an aspie, anyone who doesn't like bright light must be an aspie, anyone who isn't fond of telephones must be an aspie, anyone who is narrow minded must be an aspie, anyone who bores me with their topic must be an aspie, anyone who doesn't wear clothes that are in style must be an aspie, anyone who is a jerk must be an aspie, anyone who is honest must be an aspie, anyone who has their quirks, must be an aspie, anyone who paces or taps their foot must be an aspie, anyone who gets impatient must be an aspie, anyone who calls a company and screams at them over a change in their bill must be an aspie. Anyone who corrects me must be an aspie. If I diagnosed everyone over one thing, then they be everywhere. My mom must be an aspie because she can't tolerate crowds when she is tired and she has to be left alone when she gets home from work, she doesn't like loud TVs or bass or bright light and she loves her home and garden interest and that is what she has on TV most of the time when she watches TV. She must be an aspie for not giving rats about my feelings in my teens and my bothers torturing me with their parties and friends and them moving things and being in my personal space. My dad must be one too because he lacks empathy and is also logical, doesn't seem to get people and he is just socially awkward, he loves his sports, and my brother must have it because he's had difficulty with friends and fitting in, difficulty with transaction to change, acute sense of smell and taste, and he was also very stubborn when he was little and still is sometimes.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 18 Jan 2010, 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm sorry, I should have explained my attempt at humor. I'm using the word "spot" in a totally different way, in an attempt to be funny. I shouldn't have done that, though, because I suppose a lot of people wouldn't understand.

To "spot" someone, in weight training lingo, means to stand close to them and make sure that they are lifting their weights safely, and to help them if they get stuck with some weight that is too heavy for them. A "spotter" is a good thing to have if you're lifting heavy weights, so you don't end up stuck under a barbell and not being able to move, and so you don't injure yourself. When I said "I could spot an aspie..." I meant that I could stand next to an aspie who is doing weightlifting exercises and try to make sure he/she stays safe. I was just being silly, answering that way.

To respond to the thread seriously, I sure don't think I can "spot" an aspie. Heck, I can't even figure out if I'm one. I can see certain things in people that seem like very AS traits, but I can't possibly know if someone is truly an aspie as soon as I see them.

Doh I took you literal. But it's harder for anyone to spot sarcasm online. That's why we have the smileys.

It depends on a case by case basis.

Generally ask your NT friends who are enlightened on the topic and they will give you a host of answers.

These are some observations. There is always a spectrum an exceptions to rules.

I've found that AS folks usually tend to not dress trendy or fashionably. The women tend to not usually wear makeup or wear little makeup. I think this has to do with the fact that NT people often worry about their looks much more than AS people do.