Was my developmental path abnormal?

Post Reply New Topic

As the title says, do you think my developmental path was abnormal based on this:

-I didn't fully dress myself until the age of 12
-I didn't fully undress myself until the age of ~8-10
-I didn't speak a word until the age of 2.3-2.5
-I didn't use a spoon until the age of 3.5
-I didn't feed myself fully until the age of ~6

How abnormal was it? Very abnormal? Slightly abnormal?

Very abnormal except for the speaking part. I could feed myself since I was one and could use a spoon since about age 2, could take my own clothes off when I was two, could put my own clothes on when I was three. But I spoke late also due to hearing loss so it made me speech delayed.

But isn't the speaking part also delayed? Because as far as I know, infants learn how to talk earlier than that. However, I only babbled etc, but spoke suddenly at the age of ~2.3, and constructed full sentences etc.

I wouldnt call you abnormal. Maybe you were overprotected. Overprotected kids tend to do things later because there is someone else helping them or doing the things for them. My daughter started speaking at sge 2, so 2.3 is not that much. The other developmental parameters are too different. A kid should be ale to fully dress and undress at age 5, tops, and using a spoon at age 2, tops, unless there is a developmental issue. Did your mother found that delay Ok? Did she ask your pediatrician?

But these days it's seems normal for two year olds to not speak yet according to what I have read in Parents magazines. They don't seem all that concerned in them when a child isn't speaking yet at that age.

I did not pick out my cloths till I was 16. I still dont buy my own cloths as my mom seems to enjoy doing it so I dont want to take that away from her.

No offense, but being over-protected doesn't have to do with developmental issues. Though more help with learning and social skills can improve it. I talked very early on, and in some ways had an abormally high development early on, but my parents were also helpful, and are somewhat over-protective. But my parents would take me to museums and art galleries all the time which helped me a ton.

Hi Kalinda. Just for you to know over-protective parents CAN affect the development of their children. I have seeing it. Actually once my husband and I paid a therapist for the son of a very good friend of ours, because her child was having problems at school. He is 10 years old and he has issues inside and outside the classroom. He is very shy, has speaking problems, has writing problems, cannot tie his shoes, etc. We thought he could be autistic. The therapist is a very good friend of ours and is the therapist of our Aspie kid. She is very good. She told us there was anything she could do for the child. That he was not autistic. His problem was his parents. That if the parents did not decide to change, there was nothing she could do. I have also seeing other cases. Children get so afraid to fail that they do not even try, and parents get so frustrated because their children are not perfect, that they decide to do things for them because it is "easier" and "faster". It can become a problem and affect the development of their children.

I also was really very overprotected - though my mom herself was raised in such conditions that forced on her being independent and self-reliant early, paradoxically, so one could have thought that she'd want to raise me in the same way. But no. She:

- tied my laces up until I was around 8.
- dressed and undressed me a year longer than she tied my laces.
- took me to school and later took me home up until I was 9, too - and the school building was close and I even didn't need to cross the road on my way to school and even if I did have to do this, I was a really VERY careful child who could be trusted just like an adult person could be.
- fed me with a spoon even when I was like 10-11.
- finished washing me when I was almost 14.
- was always with me when I was on the bus up until I was 17.
- cried for me when I was going to go on a summer camp as a young teen.

And yes, I do have a grudge against her about all of those, especially about taking me to school for so long.

That's true, I knew people who grew up with over protective parents, and it really harmed them in the end. It's to the point where they're never going to be able to live independent lives, and get married because those parents would be the worst type of in-laws. One of those people has never learned to drive because his mom didn't think he should, and in my area, being able to drive is a necessity for independence as the mass transit system isn't as reliable as it is in other cities.

The other person I knew who was completely sheltered, is blind so obviously driving is out of the question, but he wasn't allowed to go to a mainstream school until he went to high school. One reason his mom didn't want him going to a regular school was that she worked at the school he went to, so she wanted to be able to control him for as long as possible. That person's development was hindered because while he did get a high school diploma, he never learned how to balance a checkbook or how to make sure he got the correct change back while shopping. Last I heard, he did get an apartment through some agency that works with the blind, but he also lives part time with his family. He also managed to get a job at the local Target in the stockroom as I saw him a couple of times as it's one place I shop at frequently. The last time I saw him, his mom was picking him up, and from what I heard, it sounded like she was talking to him about his job, so she might have been his job coach as she had a clipboard with her.

I always want my own kid to be independent because I don't want to hold him back. I let him use a spoon on his own and I put him in the kitchen for him to eat so that way if he decides to dump his food on the floor when he is through, it won't be on the rug and there won't be any scrubbing to do. He now tells us what he wants to eat and can tell us when he is hungry. I also make him walk if I am going short distance and I hold his hand as we walk and have him entertain himself. Some may say I am expecting him to be a mini adult but no I am not going to be over protective of him and baby him and screw up his development. I read about a mother who send a sippy cup to school with her second grader and she got teased for it. Why did the mother do that? So she won't spill on her shirt. Kids are going to make messes, they are going to dirty their clothes. That is how they learn and work on their motor skills and all. Also teaching them to clean, they may do a crappy job at first but that is how they are going to learn. I have heard stories about people not knowing how to clean so their homes get dirtier and dirtier because they never were taught how to clean as kids. That is why kids have chores and it also teaches them to be independent and be responsible. Also I have heard about college students not knowing how to do laundry because they never did it in their childhood. To me it was all ridiculous. I never really had to be taught to clean because I always saw my mom do it so I assumed others would learn it that way too and plus doing it themselves on their own. I never really had to be shown how to sweep the floor and clean the toilet. I just read labels and directions on cleaning supplies. So I am still at lost about how can people not know how to clean. Same as with laundry, mom showed me how to separate whites and colors and what setting to use and it was so simple and not complicated. So I am also at lost at how can people still not know how as adults when you show it to them.

i don't know much about my devlment
i say i still need to learn to tie my shoe laces up im 16

but reading though things its not too positive


pm if you want to talk about this
as im not throwing some of theys things in to wrongplanet
so im more likely to accept a pm from a mod or a trusted user more but i will still reply tto any new pm

Like autism, you mean?

OP, I notice you use the word 'didn't' instead of 'couldn't'. Is that a deliberate choice of words? If so, is it possible that you were physically capable of doing these things but either chose not to or there was some barrier preventing you (e.g. sensory/ concentration issues). The reason I ask this is because I have a daughter who can do most self care stuff, but sometimes I end up dressing her or undressing her, because she's too engrossed in other things and time's getting on. There's no budging her and we need to get to school, so I relent. On the other hand, the boy next door has dyspraxia and he has physical difficulty with many tasks. The outcome is the same, but the paths are slightly different. Both kids are on the spectrum, but are like exact opposites in many ways.

BTW Yes, your developmental path was much slower than average.

Let's say it is abnormal. Now what? So what?

Well, when I was left alone with the clothing etc, I would either put on just one item or none at all.