How do relationships work etc? Please explain

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Even though I sometimes want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, it seems as if I have absolutely no idea how one is supposed to engage in one. Even when someone explicitly tells me that they want to have a romantic relationship with me, I have no idea how to act in order to engage in the said relationship with them.

How do relationships work? What's "going out" / "dating", etc, and the relationship between them all? When does a couple consider each other a boyfriend/girlfriend? How are relationships initiated? With whom are they usually initiated? Close friends? Acquaintances? Complete strangers? Why are there "dates" at all? What's the relationship between the number of dates have to do with the relationship intensity?

Please explain how this all works. Assume that I know absolutely nothing on dating, not even the most obvious basics, which isn't very far from the truth. This would make people avoid giving advice on a far higher level than I'm currently at.

if you go out for ice cream or a similar treat (or a movie or something) with just one other person than yourself that isn't a family member then there is something like a 99% chance that it's a "date" unless its a good friend where you've done things like that for a while. This is something I think is really silly and I don't understand it, but its one of the clearest patterns I've discovered in all of this chaos.

that's about all I've got for all your questions. the rest is still mysterious to me.

What exactly is a date? What role does it play in romantic relationships?

A date is just spending time with someone to see if you like them, or if you already know that you like them it's to spend time with them and get to know them. When deciding if you want a serious relationship with someone it's a good idea to see how they behave in a variety of situations so you will know if you are compatible or not, and also what to expect in similar situation in the future.

What if someone knows that they like their partner, and the said person also 'got to know' their partner? Do they quit dates then? Do they have to notify their partner if they do?

I would say that a date serves to put two people who have shown interest in each other, in a social situation in which they are supposedly learning about each other. Like for instance you go out to dinner with someone, and have a meal while discussing yourselves, learning about likes and dislikes, and seeing if you are enjoying each others company. If you didn't enjoy yourself with that person, then you wouldn't go out anywhere with them again.

Thanks for your help, that cleared things up quite a bit. Now, how do individuals agree to go on a date, and what kind of relationship should exist between the said individuals for them to go to dates?

And on a side note, when someone isn't interested in further dates, do they just say "I'm not interested in dating you" to the other person? Or is it more subtle? Do they cut off social contact with them to avoid the awkwardness that might be brought about?

I think that one person has to 'ask out' the other one. Traditionally the man would ask the woman, but these days it can be the other way round. Usually the person doing the asking will say 'Would you like to go to cinema (or coffee, or whatever) some time?' and the other person can them say yes or no. At that point you could either ask for the other person's telephone number or give them yours, so you can arrange things. Then you can send a text suggesting a time and place to meet.

If someone doesn't want to go on a date at all they can simply say 'No thankyou' to the first suggestion of a date. If after subsequent dates they do not wish to continue they can either say that they do not wish to go on further dates or (more commonly) they simply do not contact the other person. If you have enjoyed a date it is worth sending the person a text, perhaps the day after, saying how much you enjoyed the date and saying you hope to do it again. If they don't reply, then it is possible that they are not interested.

Unfortunately dating is a complicated minefield even for NT people. Sadly, many people are not clear about their feelings, for various reasons. This can make dating a little baffling.

All dates and all relationships will be different depending on the people involved too.

I haven't a lot of experience with dating, but I have to say that in my experience it is best to be sure that both parties are interested in dating before dating is mentioned. I had my feelings hurt many times by trying to date guys who had shown no interest in me. And they would pretend to be very busy so as to not give me a direct yes or no reply. It was maddening and confusing! One of the best way to turn down a date, is to tell the person that you are flattered, but not interested.


I would guess that if you went on the date and decided that you didn't want to pursue it anymore, be sure that you tell the person that you appreciated the time spent but that you want to keep your options open. It is my experience that there is no kind way to tell someone you don't want to date them anymore. I don't believe in falsely saying you just want to be friends, which is what people have done to me. So it is a tough one to which I am not sure I have the right answer. Maybe some other person has some ideas?

This could be said for people just getting to know each other as friends and not for a romantic relationship.

If I don't want a romantic relationship with someone, how would I still get to spend time with them and get to know them without them thinking I am asking them on dates (if what is said here is really pretty solid definition for "date")?

First of all, were you raised in a Western culture (American, European, Australian)? If not, that might be part of the trouble you have understanding. If you can get your hands on some Western cultural movies, that might help you understand.

There's is a kind of pattern to dating, but people can still have their own styles of going about it. It starts off with at least one person being romantically and/or sexually interested in another, usually someone they know through a shared activity such as work, school, church, etc. Sometimes, though, (usually) guys will ask out a complete stranger. Also, people can end up chatting on the internet, exchange pictures or video chat, and decide to meet. Technically, any kind of relationship can exist between the people, although many people think it's a bad idea for co-workers to date (to avoid drama at work), or for people in a position of authority to date people under their authority (because they can take advantage of their power).

The interested person shows their interest to the other person by talking to them, smiling at them, and possibly doing small favors for them. They observe the other person's reaction to see if the interest is mutual. Some bold people cut this process kind of short and ask the other person for a date after talking only once or twice, especially if the other shows interest. They may actually say, "do you want to go out," where, in the U.S. At least, "going out" is usually understood to be a date. If they say something else, like "hang out," that means they just want to do something that friends would do together, but there is the possibility that "hanging out" can turn into dating if the people like each other in a romantic/sexual way. Some people start off as friends before dating, and some people are too shy/want things to move more slowly before going straight for a date. Sometimes, people are not explicit about whether or not they are asking someone on a date. Sometimes, it's possible to tell that they want a date by the way they are acting (more kind/intimate than they would be to a complete stranger, but not quite as kind as they would be to close friends or family), sometimes, the person who got "asked out" has no idea they are on a date when they are with the person. It depends on the people involved, how they communicate.

The other person says yes or no. There really aren't any definite rules for how the date should go, besides the fact that the two people will do something together, usually without anyone else directly involved. Whatever the two people (or more than two, I guess that's possible, but not usual) decide to do together, that's what the date is. People usually put a little extra effort into their appearance and politeness so that the other person will like them. Some people try to impress the other person with their clothes, car, money, etc. Through a combination of watching the other person's body language, knowing something about their personality (from shared activities), talking about things to see if there are shared perspectives, and how well the date is going (both people laughing, having a good time, etc.) one person can decide how compatible they are, and what sorts of more intimate things the other person may want to do. Some people just flat out ask to hold hands or for a kiss.

It's basically a long process with a lot of (usually) small steps where the people involved constantly monitor one another's reactions to determine what they are like and if/how interested they are in one another.

Sometimes. Other people just avoid/stop contacting the person they no longer want to date. After being ignored or avoided a certain amount, the other person is expected to understand that no more dates are wanted.

A date is when 2 people arrange to meet and spend some time together to get to know each other better and see if there's potential for a relationship, or just because they're attracted to each other and want to enjoy time together.

It can be impossible for people with AS to determine if someone is romantically interested in them before ''dating'' is mentioned.Many men with AS don't take the plunge and ask women out because they are clueless at deciphering signs of interest.I know for me flirting and game playing might as well be a foreign language .Trying to determine whether a woman is being friendly or romantically interested is a skill that is extremely difficult for men with AS to get even reasonably good at.

[quote="TowerCrane"
How do relationships work? What's "going out" / "dating", etc, and the relationship between them all?[/quote]

Going out is more informal term for dating. Dating in modern US english is a bit outdated, so people say "hang out" or "go out" instead. They also say "go out" as in the sense of "hang out with friends" so they often distinguish by saying "I'm going out with *insert name which indicates the person is an opposite gender if the person is hetero*" or "I'm going out with a girl/guy".

They discuss it with each other or just stay close to each other (mental "closeness" in relationship discussion - how much they admit with each other/what they do with each other) that they both assume they are in a "committed" relationship.



All 3? Some people mainly date within a clique (i.e. Koreans in the US, Romani/Gypsy), other cultures tend to promote "out-breeding" (i.e. Kazak peoples). And people change their behaviour in situations - i.e. doing illicit or immoral things for their cuulture/society, they will probably do it with a 'foreigner' as opposed to someone everyone knows.



Outdated tradition?



I am tempted to say it is an inverse relationship given uh....what I've seen from one person. But another person suggests it is linear in relationship. IT depends on the person I guess bit I would lean towards inverse.



ok.

AFAIK that is limited to the USA. Germany, for example AFAIK isnt structured like that