On AS, giftedness, diagnosis and being female

Post Reply New Topic

Long before I knew my results on the IQ tests I took, I came over an article explaining giftedness. I read it and felt very strongly that I must be intellectually gifted, as I fit almost every single criterion on the list. When I asked for the results, the numbers said it all.

Two years later, I came over an article on the internet about Asperger's. At first I thought it was some sort of food. Then I clicked in and felt that I fit most, but not all criteria. It was weird, I wasn't sure that I had it. But my friend insisted: "That's you, Jamie!" Then, I joined WP, did some research, and found out about how females with AS might be different from the males. This time it fit quite snugly. I was sure I had it. This was exactly how I felt when I read the gifted traits chart. A few months later, after a lot of arguments, my mother finally took me to the psychiatrist, he took a look at me, sat me down for a twenty minute talk and left me confused. So my mother and I went in again and the doctor said I'm an Aspie.

I thought it was official, so I went home and changed my diagnosis status to "Diagnosed". A few months later I was having a fight with my mother again, and she said that the doctor was lying to me, that I didn't have Asperger's, that he was just trying to let me believe what I want. I don't know what to think now. Are doctors even allowed to lie? I'm sure I have AS but...what if my mom was telling the truth? What if I was wrong? What if I was just plain gifted? Then why would I have so many issues?

I really don't think a professional such as a psychiatrist would lie to you and give you a fake diagnosis to comfort you in your idea. It wouldn't be professional, and it wouldn't be beneficial to you.

While you mother could very well have motivation to lie to you, and maybe to herself about this. So maybe you mother is sincere... But wrong.

Heu... In case it's not clear enough, your mother's motivation would be denial...

Thank you! Where I am, AS awareness is nearly zero.

And now when I fight with my mom, she often says: "So Aspergers is your excuse for..., Huh?!" But I haven't even thought of that word. I never try to use AS as an excuse. And she refuses to read any AS related material I give her.

I once took a simple Philosophy course. In the course, I watched a documentary about doctors and morality. Doctors have to have a large foundation in Philosophy as part of becoming a doctor. Part of it that would be of interest to you is the part about whether or not doctors can lie to patients about their condition.

The example given was of an old woman in a hospital who was very soon going to die. A long time ago, they used to tell patients like this that they were going to be fine and recover. Honestly, because it seemed like the right thing to do. (You used to only have to tell direct family members and leave it up to them.) However, in modern times, there are new laws that say you have to honestly tell a patient their condition. You can't lie. Now, I'm sure this also applies to psychiatric diagnoses. I would entirely expect this in modern times.

If the doctor lied to you, I'd say you have quite the right to sue him/her for a lot of money. Think about it logically. If a doctor went around telling people they had Asperger's Syndrome or other psychological conditions/pathologies when they actually didn't... This could have a huge impact on these people's lives. Whether or not it's illegal, if you think of it that way, then you would have every right to sue for this.

That said, I don't think the psychiatrist lied. And from what you've said, I don't think you should be questioning whether or not you have it.

Doctors are not allowed to lie about such things, it is extremely unethical. From the info you have provided it sounds like you were given at least an informal diagnosis.

Last edited by yellowtamarin on 22 Aug 2012, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think it is more likely that your mother would use your sensitivity about your diagnosis against you in an argument than it is that a medical person would outright lie to cater to you. I am sure it is very hard for parents to accept that there is something diagnosed with their child that they can't see or pinpoint or even explain.

Trust your own experiences, your mother hasn't walked in your shoes to know what your life has been like for you.

As much as I know asperger suck at multi-tasking while gifteds are really good at it; most likelly a gifted aspie would suck at it. I may be wrong though.

Thank you for all the replies...
I found this in the archives of my mom's blog. It was written in Chinese so I translated a bit. Please don't pay too much attention on the teacher part. I am aware that the words I used are delicate but they are by far the only words I can think of to convey what she really meant. Or what I thought she meant.
Obviously she totally doesn't know about Asperger's...yet.

Some kids say that she's autistic

Others say that she's a loner

Some teachers say that she's a lone raven

Others say she's a lone wolf

The teachers say that she's always sitting alone thinking
She says: "If you flew a plane above the school and looked down, you'll see clusters of people. And when you see the tiny, lone spot, that's me."

She says:"I don't know what to talk to my classmates. They all like Naruto and beetle cards. They don't understand when I talk about microbiology and medicine."

She asks:"Am I an antisocial person?"

I went to school today, and met Teacher Grace whom I am familiar with.

Grace asked me:"How's Jamie?"

I said:"People are calling her autistic."

Grace said: "She has always been a loner…I talked to her about the differences between being lonely and being antisocial. You are born to be lonely. But if you want to blend in with the group, you're not antisocial."

Daddy says that she's a little philosopher

Grandma says that she's different

I know that her brain is filled with all sorts of ideas and dreams and information

But I'm still sad when I hear the kids calling her autistic.

Sounds like you need to help your mother to understand you. Have you talked with her without either of you getting emotional and upset? If she is like most other women and mothers, she had expectations of you. But you turned out to be you, somebody different and out-of-the-norm compared to most other kids and girls. Sometimes adults with certain ideas do not know how to deal with their disappointments. Maybe if you talk with her (instead of both of you talking at each other), she will begin to appreciate you for who you are rather than what she might have wanted you to be.

I doubt that it was simply a case of your doctor lying to you. I'm guessing that he either really did feel that you fit the profile of AS, or felt that diagnosing you with AS was the best way to serve you as a patient.

I don't think the doctor lied to you. Though it's definitely an informal diagnosis. I guess your mom thinks it can be ignored since it's not "official". Formal diagnosis takes 8 - 10 hours involving all sorts of tests, including IQ tests, and cost a lot of money.

If your mom wrote about you in her blog, at least she cares about you very much and you're lucky. My mom doesn't like to read, write or think. She never got what Asperger's is depite my attempt to explain. (We're Chinese, too.) She just thinks it's her rotten luck that her children are not as good as other people's.

On topic: if your mother is lying to you about this, it is one of the most vile things she could do to her offspring.

Off topic: is it an ASD trait to be even more argumentative with your parents than teenagers usually are, or no significant difference?

As a matter of fact most of them rather NOT diagnose you with what YOU think you have.

When you're naked you don't have anything anyone else has, this is why you don't have aspergers according to you mom, i think. Then the question wether you are autistic or not wel your mother gave you a name and it is jamie if i'm correct so you are jaimy and you are not autistic. ow and finaly everyone is gifted so don't pull hard on it.

If you really want to know categorically, just phone the doctor and ask him. Explain that you need the absolute truth, or there could be repercussions. You don't need to tell him what your mother said. You could ask for a copy of his report too.

Apart from that, I think the overwhelming consensus is that your mum said it in the heat of the moment, when you had an argument and she's in denial, and that it's unethical for your doctor to lie.

Just out of interest though, conversely I read on a post on the NAS forum:
"I was told something strange when I got my diagnosis. They said they didn't always give people a diagnosis who needed one. They gave me a diagnosis because it was clear I could use it advantageously, which has proven to be the case. They said they sometimes didn't give a diagnosis if it was felt someone wouldn't be able to handle it well - ie if it might lead to further depression or mental ill-health."