Can't Distinguish Between Real Fighting/Arguing and Play

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Sorry for the vague and probably confusing title but basically...I wanted to know how many other people have this problem and if it's even related to Asperger's Syndrome:
Basically, I've always found it incredibly difficult to be physically aggressive with someone without taking it too seriously. I remember as a kid, I'd be invited to someone's birthday party and they'd want to re-enact some of the wrestling moves we'd see on tv and I'd always find myself becoming genuinely angry and aggressive in those situations of contact rather than remembering that these were friends and no real harm was intended. Other times, like in middle school wrestling during P.E., I'd almost react as though it were life and death when in reality, it was for everyone's enjoyment. 99% of the time I'd internalize it and no outward anger appeared but a few times, I've definitely gone over the deep-end and found myself genuinely angry at these people for, essentially, no justifiable reason. The same applies to debates/arguing as an adult; I feel utterly incapable of having a debate with someone I consider a friend or superior because, despite finding we may disagree on something and having a normal or playful argument in support of our beliefs, I always take the spate so seriously that I can't even spend time with that person until I've cooled down. I think these two things have led me to be the most passive and agreeable person on the planet, haha . I don't even put up a fight anymore...Obama or Romney, Corvette or Viper...I just go with the flow and keep my opinions to myself. Anyone else out there with this issue?

Most definitely! I makes me a bit afraid in what people generally consider to be happy, nice situations.

I'm like this too. It's hard to distinguish between an actual argument and when people are just playing around with each other. I always get anxious when anyone has an argument around me. (Even when it has nothing to do with me) I usually try and get away from them.

The most common issue is not recognizing when someone is being sarcastic to someone else. There have been many times in which someone will say something very rude to someone else and I'll think they were serious.

my mom and sister "argue" all the time. at least it sounds like arguing to me, yet neither of them get "mad", i.e. they move on from something in an instant. Yet if I were to say the exact same things my sister does, my mom would get really angry at me or start crying. But if my sister says it, she might even laugh. I don't get it. it screws me up pretty bad sometimes. It has to be something I'm not picking up on in how to argue jokingly.

I've got the same "problem"

For me any arguing is illimitable, and any physical fight/violence is like war - kill or be killed

Arguing equals really big chance for shutdown or even meltdown

Physical attacks are even worse - practically any physical attack on me equals meltdown and "berzerk mode" turned on (thanks to school bullies and my stupid father )

i do not argue with people as i dont see a reason for it and i rarely get angry myself (although unlogic and unreasonable opinions annoy me sometimes and i therefor mention why i think them to be unreasonable), but i never understand whether other people are serious or joking when they are having an argument with each other. i tend to get extremely confused in strange situations when i can not distinguish if they are very upset with each other or just teasing in a playful way and i always have to ask in order to clarify how to react appropriately.

I could have written this word for word. I was actually able to hold my cool after having my arm grabbed last big but normally I would have lost it. Luckily it doesn't happen too often due to my imposing frame. I still don't know why I was grabbed: he yelled something about getting in his way!? I put up with enough ?!&$ as a kid and won't take anyone's bs to the point where I let small arguments get out of hand.

physically or in conversation, I can't really tell either. People "banter" in an argumentative matter all the time and I am always left thinking "are they mad or playing"?

They know each other more and expect each other not to hit too hard. Also, they hold back in play fighting and can see it in how they fight - e.e. LARPERS aiming for the other LARPer's swords instead of trying to hit the guy - which the other person can see. Also the strength of their attacks.

I have always had a difficult time distinguishing between playful teasing and mean-spirited comments. Although I've gotten a lot better about it over the years, especially with my brother. He and I have play-arguments all the time, that "escalate" to the point where my mom calls it off. My Nana thinks my brother and I fight a lot, but she doesn't realize that he and I are just playing. However, my brother admits that sometimes I do annoy him with my teasing.

Thin line in the NT world. I like thick lines. Then again, I'll speak my mind, thinking I made an unbiased observation, and someone thinks I'm hostile. I suppose everyone defines their line and life is constant negotiation on the molecular level, minute by minute. Kinda exhausting.

I was like, total opposite. I always wanted to joke and play around, and didn't notice when other kids got seriously angry until it was too late.

Or in other words, if we met in childhood OP we wouldn't have been friends.

Yep. I struggle to know when someone is being serious or playful when they seem to argue or appear to be angry. It's even harder when the person has Bipolar and uses the same lines for different moods.

When I get into discussions with people and they disagree with me, and use some choice words (usually what I deem a personal attack) I put them on my enemy list for a while. Found out my BP/ADHD friend does this too.

Haha @nrau meh, it depends on what age we were to meet; by my teens, I think I'd built up such a tolerance that I could completely internalize all the emotions despite still feeling them and spending way too much time working over the experience for a few days afterwards.

@GreenShadow "kill or be killed" Exactly! I never got into airsoft or paintball-ing because I knew as soon as I felt any sort of pain, the 'fun' switch would short out and I'd probably never be able to look at my friends the same way again. I guess I'd have felt betrayed despite the fact that I was fully aware it was all supposed to be friendly competition.

@pensieve "I put them on my enemy list for a while" Same here. I never forget, muahaha.

Hey, I really appreciate all the responses from everyone - extremely insightful! You guys/gals rock.

yeah i totally agree with all of you about everything said so far. i often have trouble knowing when people are being sarcastic or not. i've improved on it a lot over the years. when i do get fooled from thinking a "fight" is serious when it really isn't i often get frustrated because it's like an adrenaline rush for nothing.

Yep, I can't tell. It's led to some awkward situations at work. I work with a bunch of guys and sometimes they'll "fight" verbally and I think it's serious. More often they make up a load of balony and have a sarcastic conversation and I believe it!