Fear

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Big topic of fear and procrastination
*I'll update this topic at times. I'm myself bussy with overcoming my fear of being social, doing my daily activities, meeting new people.
*If you voted because of social difference I'm interested what the difference are.
*Real progress of yourself is not by letting your environment adapting, or blaming the environment.
You can only change your ego, your attitude to life etc.




Dear reader,


I'm from belgium, so excuse me for my bad english
I'm 18 soon, and in my whole life I suffered from fear. I think it was from my 12 until recently.
Approaching women, man, homework. I always procrastinated in every aspect of my life. Even doing the dishes!
The main reason for this topic is to built a database of knowledge how to overcome fear. We can try to reduce fear/anxiety by making small changes in even your environment, which lead to more energy and put your so-called "autistic" behavior down to a minimum.

Example of fear:
Fear/procrastination/lack of energy to do something, are all the most problems we autistic people have.
Fear is the reason of social dysfunction.
Fear is the reason of lack of energy.
Fear is the reason of putting yourself down.
Fear is the reason why someone is isolated from society.
Fear is the reason for unhealthy food choices!
Fear is the reason of not taking time for grooming, and changing clothes regularly.
Fear is the reason why you have executive problems.
Fear is the reason why you have stereotypical behavior.
Fear is the reason why you can not think clearly about problems (it shut down your neocortex).
Fear is the reason why you walk uncomfortable.
Fear is the reason why people take you even more down! (the other reason is because they think you've higher value)
Fear is the reason why you fail an exam.
Fear is the reason why you fail at public speaking.
Fear is the reason why you make excuses to ignore social interaction.

I think all this examples are really important to keep in mind. Fear is really in my opinion and buddhistic tradition, which excist for over 2500 year, the reason why all humans fail in life (which is of course relative). In autistic people it's the same, only the difference is that in autistic people the fear is even higher!
The best way to have a happy life is really to overcome anxiety/fear.

I'll update this topic day by day. I'll write my own experience with overcoming anxiety/fear and maybe, you the reader, can also learn something new.


I think we shoudl make life as simple as possible like Einstein repeated alot. one example is the Mind-Body connection in behavioral science and philosophy.

Mind-body connection:
How we think about the world, universe, social relationships, how we think about everything in generally have effects on our behavior.
How we behave have effects on how we think about things, social relationships, universe.

Ex 1
How do I trick myself in procrastination:
*When I do something wrong my limbic system is hyper-reactive why I'm putting myself down. I always imagine the worst case scenario.
*When I'm in a bad mood, I see the world different. Not what really "is", but an ego driven way of seeing it.
*I say to myself: "I'm different, I'll never will be successful in a neurotypical society." (blame)
*I told myself I have different social interaction because I'm autistic but recently I recognised this is not the truth.


Ex 2
*Try to take a relax posture (Body -> Mind)
*Medidate in an open-minded way. Don't try to achieve anything. Just concentrate at your breath, or the way you walk. This are all sorts of medidation.
Look what the impact is on your Body (Mind -> body) (Body -> Mind)

Try to take a comfortable way of walking. Make a plan to make eye contact with people.

Take a notebook or something, Write down Day 1:
Trying new behaviors
Trying to make eye contact with X people
...

Make a plan!

Last edited by paxfilosoof on 05 Mar 2013, 11:50 am, edited 6 times in total.

If you have problems in life outside fear, what are they?
Is this because you're "autistic"?

I'm very interested!

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I have no doubt that fear in one way or the other, is the root of many things that I failed to do or face in the past. Happily I can't say I've "failed in life", as in fact I'm very satisfied with my life and situation. When I do realize I'm failing at something, I change approach until I succeed.

Charles

Thanks for your comment!

I'm happy about my life too, but I know I can improve it by fighting fear.
I always said I was autistic and that is the reason why I communicated in different ways, but this is not true in my new experince.
I always was driven by ego way of looking everything wich even changed my perspective on socialk interaction and everythign in life.
And Fear/anxiety is really the problem in everyday life. Most people have even difficulties in seeing that.
And I think many people would be called autistic if they didn't fight their fear. My math teacher is for sure autistic but he has fight his fear and he has a family, a more social life, healthy, ...

Of course you don't have to have a family to be happy, but remember that we are in fact social animals. And imblance in some of the basic stuff we need in live is social interaction.

I would say it's more from meltdowns of anger or overwhelming tears that I would have to hide. I didn't ultimately fail until I got too physically ill(very frequent migraines) to keep showing up at work. I never gave up, kept slamming my head against the brick wall until I just dropped. I also was afraid in each new job, nearly panicked because I could see the pattern and this did contribute to a "self fulfilled prophecy" situation.

Not everyone with autism has anxiety problems.

Not everyone with anxiety problems is autistic.

I'm not saying that.
If I say A in autstic it's always average.
But still, thanks for your feedback!

With or without anxiety I manage to say and do the wrong thing every time, and can never quite figure out what the right thing is. That is where the anxiety came from in the first place.

I wouldn't say fear in general is an issue for me. I am not afraid of things that terrify most people. However, I do not trust the majority of people and my social and communication abilities hinder me a lot in life. Other obstacles I face are my poor short term memory, sensory issues, the fact that I am "numb" to most other individuals emotions, and that I typically have great difficulty controlling my own in overwhelming situations.

Fear is something most people do not even realize having. It's really hard to see what fear can cause. People outside yourself can easy recognize it.

@Pip

Can you give me some examples of your social problems?
Can you give me some examples exactly which sensory problems?

I think, it's in ym case, their is always an underlying cause for my problems with short term memory, sensory issues and bad communication.

From my experience, I don't want to generalize all my problems are all the cause from one udnerlying problem. And that is a kinda fear, It's hard to explain, it's not per se fear in the normall sense, the way buddhist explain it. "Suffering" "fear". It's really a kinda state of the mind which cause these problems in my case.

Both of those, but also lack of motivation, feeling burnt out, no self confidence, and feeling as though the future is bleak which of course feeds the lack of motivation, and not being able to handle stress well.

Social Problems: I have a desire to be around people but find it completely exhausting and overwhelming so I tend to spend a lot of time on my own.

I have a strong "filter" which often causes me not to talk very much if at all, and when I do it seems that what I say is often offensive to others even if I do not mean it that way.

I am terrible at maintaining relationships and will "fall off the face of the Earth" at random.

In intimate relationships I have been told I am not attentive to my partner's needs.

In conversations I dominate and can go on for hours about my interest, only recently having learned to recognize when my family is bored by me; and I am only able to do this with my family.

I can go on and on with this...

Sensory issues:

Physical contact, especially light touch sets me off. I have been known to have angry outbursts.

I can't wear skirts at all and i can only wear shorts on days that there is no breeze. The feeling of the wind on my skin is unbearable. Certain fabrics also cause a problem.

Hot weather makes me feel sick and I get heat rashes as well as swelling in my hands.

My hearing is highly sensitive to all noises, even at pitches most people cannot hear. Also, I can't filter out background noise at all.

The smell of cigarette smoke as well certain foods and laundry detergents makes me physically ill.

The taste of most foods does not bother me so much as the texture. Anything soft: bananas, mashed potatoes, yogurt etc is repulsive to me. Also I can't stand the texture of beef or pork, because of this my diet mainly consists of fish and chicken.

Light is also a big issue. For example, I have to wear sunglasses even on overcast days. Also, looking at strobe lights makes me sick and my therapist's office is really dark so when I leave the drastic change in brightness will give me a terrible headache for the remainder of the day.

I dont agree with this theory. For me most my problems seem to come from cognative reasons.
It sounds like your problems are more due to anxiety.
Im not afarid of failure at all. Ill keep doing stuff no matter how many times I fail.
I dont understand people who are afarid to fail and then dont try because logically anyone has already failed if they didnt try.
I feel I have more of a lack of fear. Its hard to be worried when you don't care.
My social communication issues seem to be from not understanding body language and not being to read people.
I also just dont feel I have anything in common with anyone else as if I were an alien here.
However I like being different.

^ This just about sums up how I view things

I wouldn't call it "fail" or failing at life. Not for myself or others.

It seems negative, everyone grows at their own rates and is constantly learning.
Sometimes progress is measured in smaller steps than other times, so it's got so many variables...
I agree with those who say how can you fail, if you did not even try?

Not everyone has fears as such listed.
I think i suffer from lack of fear (i have been told i do not take into consideration danger)
Maybe it's cockiness and i know i can handle myself, i don't know.

My fear response is not that of NTs i guess.
My mother was afraid as i'd walk alone through woods at night and other risky situations.

The other night my NT gf heard something outside and woke me up thinking it was an intruder so i grab 2 of my special knives and fly out the door to "clear" the whole yard. My gf's azz was in the dang house with a magnum saying she needed to hold down the fort, she knows better than to stop me or she would have tried.

I clear things the way a trained SWAT team would, and my night vision is excellent. I don't fear. It's likely a defect the lack of fear...
GF got literally stabbed in the back once due to an intruder in her home prior to i meeting her.
However it turns out there was no one in our yard, outbuildings and the noise likely was attributed to a stray cat jumping our chain link fence loudly (neighbors dog likely barked at that).

I started around the back the house to the right first, clearing the area outside edges first of the shed, and anywhere someone could hide.
Chicken coops, etc. No one was there. Then the gf lectures me about crap when i get back in.

We don't live in the best of areas its likely i'll move again in a few years..
Yet luckily no one was trespassing or attempting to break in.

Why do we put ourselves down out of fear? I am hard on myself sometimes yet i don't understand how it has to do with fear.

OPs list seems to be social anxieties. Not all of us suffer from fear of being embarrassed in public or fear of what others think.
I've been my Autistic self since a young age, got hell for it all throughout school. Elementary school i knew i was different and accepted that, which i know helped me form my own person better than if i had been an NT.
I have a take it or leave it type of mentality and my bluntness has got me in trouble sometimes.

I agree that humans are the only thing to fear, since they pose a threat at times, yet just that.
I could care less what they think of me socially. My true friends have always excepted me for who i am. They never expect me to change for them. They accept. I cannot "hide or fake" who i am not. It's obvious i am "different" and i accept myself for that.