Do people find it necessary to "protect" you?

Post Reply New Topic

I have always had family members "protecting" me -- they worry about me being alone, check on me incessantly, keep track of my movements, and when I'm expected to be somewhere at a certain time, they are calling me if I'm more than 5 minutes late. It has always driven me crazy. I never felt like they saw me as an adult. I feel about 12 when I'm around them. They seem to forget that I spent 20 years living alone, and was successful at it, even buying my own house with no help from them. (I live with my mom now for financial reasons.)

Recently I asked my mother why they did that. She said that even though I'm very intelligent -- IQ 128, if those things are to be trusted -- sometimes I seem very child-like, and seem to need the extra protection. I've never felt like that in my head, but apparently I come across that way.

Now with the AS discovery, I'm beginning to get an inkling of what she's talking about. Does anyone else go through that? Keep in mind that I'm not seriously disabled with this. I'm just socially awkward, very clumsy and don't make friends well so spend lots of time alone. As long as I don't have to spend too much time socializing and interacting with people I don't know, I'm fine.

I haven't had people feeling the need to protect me - I left home at age 13, I was taken into care by the local authority and lived in children's homes, because my father was violent and physically abusive.

Over recent years, though, I've come to realise that maybe I do need protecting, and I might be considered a 'vulnerable adult' in some ways, because sometimes people take advantage.

For example, a friend asked me to lend her some money a few years ago, and so I lent her a few hundred pounds, and I also bought her some stuff that she needed for her new flat, but she didn't repay me and once when I bumped into her, she assured me she'd give me some money back, so I went round to her flat the next week, and she didn't answer the doorbell, but she phoned her step-daughter, who basically turned up and threatened me to "stop harassing" her step-mother. I'd only called round because she had told me that she was going to repay me! And when I explained that to the step-daughter, the step-daughter called me stupid for having lent her so much money. Charming family.

And another time while I was working away, I let a 'friend' stay in my flat for free, because he was studying hypnotherapy and trying to set up a business as a hypnotherapist. The deal was that he would look after my flat and check the mail for me and stuff, and that he while he wouldn't pay rent, he would pay the utilities bills for the gas, water and electricity. Except he didn't. I chucked him out after five months, because I found out he'd stolen £280 from me (he was supposed to cash a cheque and use the money to buy some paint and supplies to redecorate and to buy some new kitchen knives, but he didn't, he spent the money buying booze and feeding his cocaine habit), and then it turned out he hadn't been paying the bills either...

I've been used a few times in similar ways. It makes me sad that people take advantage of my kindness and abuse my generosity.

I think I need protecting from people like that.

I always have to play 20 questions whenever I go anywhere.

I'm sure being "looked after" is very annoying, maybe you can find a middle ground? Have you mentioned to any of them (other than your mother) that you feel a bit like you're under a microscope? They might legitimately not know that the attention bothers you. It seems like a lot of NTs like to have constant contact and they might not recognize that their concern is impinging on your independence.

Neah. My parents lets me do what I want and let me make my own mistakes. My husband lets me do what I want and he doesn't get over protective of me. I have been under estimated before by teachers and peers as a teen. Then I was over estimated.

No but people find it necessary try to manipulate me

According to my mom, I am very childlike and innocent, and I know that I am also gullible and naive. These are not good qualities for an independent young woman to have, and so it causes my parents to be very overprotective of me. My mom openly admits that she is, but says that she "doesn't care" what other people have to say about it. Personally I don't mind being looked after as long as I don't think too hard about how old I'm getting and what most people my age are capable of doing.

YES

OH MY GOD

I wrote up what was turning into a rant, so I hope my emphatic answer works well enough for you

I watched an autism special on Youtube once. It was about three young men with autism/AS, and one of them had a mother who treated him like a 5 year old. She said that he seemed so childlike, she still thought of him as her little toddler. He was very angsty and craved independence, so they sent him to a kind of boarding school for young men with behavioral problems, and by the end of the special he was already blossoming into a happy and functioning human being. I just felt like we grew up in similar households.

I think it's also kind of a paradox--if you are treated like a child with everyone doing things for you and letting you off the hook easily, you are going to seem really naiive and clueless (CHILDLIKE) as you get older.

I think for parents in general it's very difficult not to worry constantly about your children but when you have a child who is more naive, then you tend to think of the 'big bad world out to get them'

My parents have always been a little bit more over-protective of me as well as a bit indulgent with me but they're not over-bearing.

Yes, I could recall four or five teachers who told my classmates to look out for me during field trips because they were afraid that I might go missing.

I heard some good words in your posts -- vulnerable, gullible, naive. I have been accused of all three, along with lack of common sense. I can understand watching out for your kids, and still thinking of them as babies. But I'm 52! I was frightened when I first moved away from home -- mostly because my mother did everything for me and there were lots of things I never learned -- but I eventually did very well. Now, after nearly 4 years of being home again, I'm starting to get that old anxiety again of "Can I do this?" and a general lack of self-confidence. Case in point: Mom and her sweetie are on an out of state holiday right now. They will be home in a few days, and she tells me today on the phone "Is the house clean? I don't want to come back to a mess." She might as well have said "And NO parties!" Sigh....I understand that she's just trying to help, but please...

Tell your mother you've organised a party and you've invited a few friends via Facebook, but not to worry, you'll clean up afterwards.

I did go missing on field trips as a kid. That aspie absent mindedness, can get us in a lot of trouble.

We do look young and naive from our lack of social intelligence i guess.

My aunt is protective of me, and so is my dad...my dad sometimes carries it to the point where it gets kinda annoying, but it doesn't bother me too much, since I'm used to it. And when I was travelling internationally this summer, there was a guy in my travelling group who was probably in his late 30s who really seemed to take an interest in me, and always made sure I was okay, knew where to go, etc. He had a daughter of his own, so maybe that factored in his protectiveness towards me.

On the other hand, I've never really understood why people feel drawn to protecting me...I try to keep up an air of capability and maturity, and always try to work something out myself before asking for help. Maybe my childlike, guileless nature makes itself known in ways I'm not aware of.

That's exactly what I'm thinking. I feel like I have it together and don't need all the babysitting. But maybe I come across as more helpless and goofy than I think I do.