Pride

Post Reply New Topic

Surely, I admit myself, aspies must be prideful creatures? I think it is what both formed, and destroyed the source of all my motivation.

Back when the teachers in secondary school regarded everyone as illiterate, simply because a few disliked reading, for example. I overcompensated on that - didn't yet go insane at that point, but it must have been a contributory factor later on - when 13-14 year olds I was in class with didn't even have an interest in the Harry Potter books which were just introduced, I was trying to understand the Arrow of Time, a physics book - the class, of course, was too illiterate to have any of the sciences as part of the curriculum, and instead, apparently, they thought we needed church.

...aanndd from church to insanity, I still end up grossly overcompensating due to pride which is eating me from inside out, but lately I burn like crisp, much sooner than ever.

Tell me now your tales of woeful pride, O vain things!

Oh, man, that sucks royally.

I don't think what you were experiencing is so much pride as it is trying to retain a sense of self.

Lucywlf, makes sense. Now that I've become increasingly nihilistic I find that I barely know what I desire anymore and the absolute purpose of even getting out of bed, even if I'm physically compelled to. I think I may be vanishing...

If there is any way you can, you need to remove yourself from that situation, so you can flourish. Either that, or, like Harlan Ellison used to say, build an ivory tower. Do the things you want to do, just don't tell anyone around you about it.

People use religion to bully others into conforming.

I had a similar experience with school. in 3rd grade I got put in special needs even though I was doing great in all my classes, I think it had something to do with no child left behind. the teachers did not teach all they did was give packets of busy work. this continued to up until highschool. in highschool I actually had classes and I excelled in all of them except math because I was missing 6 years of math. the school district had a vendetta against me and would not let me into honors classes.
halfway through highschool I got to go to vocational school, I did great there as they were not part of the school district. halfway through the year the vocational school they wanted to put me in honors classes. out of nowhere my old school comes and shoots it down. my final year I had all the credits that I needed so I said f**k it. made some friends with the other people coasting the year out. the vocational school staff were pretty smart about situations like this. they knew if a student did not want to learn you cant force them and keeping them in the classroom will just be a distraction. we would all hang out in the library. every once and a while they would need us to move stuff or run errands around the school. I really enjoyed the last year.

I would say my problems with pride derived from emulating how NT's handle theirs... loud and boastful. I just don't feel that arrogance is in my nature and when I emulated it it was like a programming error with a computer, it produced undesirable results.

From my experience, when I emulated NT behavior, I would always take it too the extreme and that would backfire.

I have the same problem. It's so hard to control magnitude when you don't really understand what you're doing that well in the first place.

Same. I'm more myself now-a-days. Only I've spent my whole life playing a character, so I'm having problems just acting natural.