Why I'll Never Understand the NT World

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I just got home from my softball game and I'm reminded why people in general drive me crazy. A player on the other team told me something I knew was wrong in the rules and basically accused me of dishonesty. I told him that the rulebook says I am right and would prove it. After I got a moment, I looked it up in the rules and tried to show him only to have him refuse to look and say in a very rude and sarcastic tone "Okay you're right. wow." I then had half the other team take pot shots at me for the rest of the night. Like I was trying to be a poor sport.

This is now the third time a similar incident has happened. No, I wasn't rude, didn't raise my voice or get angry and drop everyone and run for the rulebook, only pointed when we had a moment that I was right with evidence and am treated like I'm being a jerk. I'm just trying to be a fair competitor and show the other team why they are wrong and I'm treated like a bad sport. Furthermore, everyone on my team told me I was wrong and I should have just accepted what the other team said. What gives? Am I supposed to just accept someone who is clearly wrong without challenging them? I'm the one who is following the rules properly and know them inside out since I've been playing for years and am the captain. On the plus side, when I get angry do I ever play well!

Oh, if my son liked softball he could have written your post!

Pointing out when people are incorrect--when you can and cannot do it--is one of the hardest things for me to try to teach my son because the differences in the rules are very subtle and it's not so much a "social" convention as it is a personal issue for the other person.

In general, people do not like others who "have to be right." It's a superiority thing. Where the breakdown comes for my son, and perhaps for you, too, is that he does not have to be right. He simply feels he is offering the other person a benefit by correcting their incorrect belief. But it reads as superiority to most people and the thing is, my son is not about superiority at all. So it baffles him even more that that is how other people see it.

Everyone sucks its not just the NT's!!

I completely do not understand the logic in people being offended when you clearly point out an obvious flaw in their behavior towards a system that apparently they are confirming is not broken, I completely agree, if we have set down a set of rules, especially in any environment, then we should abide by those rules, otherwise what is even the point? This is absolutely how I have always felt.

It does not in any way make me feel the least bit better, but I have learned over time to simply allow others to do what they do, and move on, but there are some instances, I feel, that people break rules that they simply must be called on, and the fact of the matter remains, I feel, that if they do not wish to be called on them, they should not be breaking them in the first place, I cannot say otherwise, this is how I feel.

But, I think you do learn over time, to just simply say, "Yes Sir, or Yes Ma'am." I have programmed myself to always say the same response if I have a job to do, yes, people ask me why I am always saying yes Sir or yes ma'am, but I have learned, that, it is the only way to be right every time in every situation, so to me, there is a rule there.

But only, and only, if you Trust the other people you are with, if you do not Trust them (which I usually verify with my parents, as I have no radar), then you can understand they have your best interests at heart, say Yes Sir or Yes Ma'am, and just go and do your task, but if you don't Trust them, I don't even bother in those situations.

But personally, I don't see the problem with you pointing out a flaw in the rules, if they are wrong, they are wrong, and it should be addressed, if they don't wish to abide by those rules, they should make it clear to everyone at the beginning that they are not adhering to those rules, I have a card game that I was playing, and I thought the rules were completely unfounded, but I modified them, and made notes so where the changes were were completely clear.

Well, anyways, I just thought I would support what you were saying here, I am glad someone else besides me feels like people do this, I have always felt so frustrated because of the lets say one thing and do the other, no, if you make a rule and you break it, thats just wrong.

If it is a competition than you were in the right but if it's just to have fun than the rulebook usually isn't to brought up.

I'll never understand the NT world either. That's why I avoid it as much as I can. That doesn't mean that I stay home and play computer games all day, either. I go to my clubhouse and I also walk around town with my friends after supper, three days a week. I'm also looking for a job to take over the job I have now. What I mean is that I'd rather be my own person than change everything about me to fit in with the NTs who are mainstream. I'd rather be lonely and happy, than pretend to be like everybody else and be miserable.

I also don't understand the sarcastic way that NTs talk to us when we're the ones who are right.

This is a very good point and glad you can see where I'm coming from. I honestly don't see how but people must be reading as me 'always wanting to be right' for some reason. I'm not at that way AT ALL: it's just when I know something is wrong I like to share my knowledge so this issue doesn't come up again. Even as an adult it baffles me that anyone could think I have a superiority complex. Why wouldn't you want to know the truth? If someone did that to me I would be very grateful and apologize profusely for being in the wrong and would never take it as an insult even if they were wrong after all.

It's not like I have a reputation as arrogant, being a poor sport or not playing by the rules either. I have always gotten high marks for my fairness and sportsmanship. Again, I thought it was just women I was trying to date that were impossible to figure out but it's quickly becoming people in general.

Was this a competition with a ump?

The problem with most American sports is that they're too competitive in nature.

That is that way with all sports no matter what country you are in.

My son has a tendency to correct adults (he's 10), even his teachers, when they say something factually incorrect. When I tried to explain to him that it is seen as rude to correct an adult, his bewildered response was "But how else will they know they are wrong? Don't they want to be right?" He simply cannot see how someone else would not see this as helpful. One of his biggest difficulties is that he assumes others think and feel like him. This is why he is often gullible and naive, too. Because he would never trick anyone else, he doesn't consider that others might try to trick him. The only way he is learning to deal with this kind of stuff is to just trust me. He asks me about certain social things he doesn't get, I explain the rule to him, and he just adjusts his behavior whether or not the rule makes sense to him. This is tough for him because rules are how he survives in the world. It is also less than preferable because it is hard for him to generalize the rule if he doesn't understand why it exists. But I am thankful that he can just trust me when I say, "it's just the way it is, even if it doesn't make sense to you."

I think the short version of what I am trying to say is it may just be helpful to you to remember what a previous poster suggested. When playing sports, the rule is that if the primary purpose of the game is competitive, it is OK to bring up the official rules, but if the primary purpose of the game is to have fun, it is not OK to bring up the official rules. It may not make sense, but it does seem to be pretty sound and will likely keep you from getting yourself in trouble again.

But yes, I totally get that it is not a superiority thing at all. And there are NTs out there like me. But there are also a lot out there who aren't, hence the fact that it tends to be more of a personal issue than a social one, IMHO.

Thanx for making my point clearer and supported by more evidence InThisTogether.

Maybe next time you could say something like: "If you're going to keep pressing me on this I'll have to get out the rulebook. Otherwise, let's just drop it". That way you don't have to back down to them, but will come off as less of a "have to be right" person.

I'm so bad about correcting people on facts. I too have been known to get out books to prove my point. I've told people as recently as a couple of weeks ago "We can argue about opinions, but not about facts. Something's either factually correct or it isn't". I keep getting jumped on for it, and when I try to look at it from the other side -- would I want someone to do that to me; that is, pull out of book to prove me wrong -- it would probably make me mad. So I guess the way to handle it is to bring it up another time in a "look what I stumbled on" kind of way, not in a "Told you I was right!' way. A lesson I could learn for myself.

I feel you completely OP. I have a tendency to want to do this. Regrettably most people view the correction of their incorrectly held belief or assumption as a personal slight. We often view the world in a more scientific, systematic way than average and so finding out the correct fact or way of doing something is a good experience. Since I got older I learned to spot - to a degree, certainly better than when I was a kid - when someone is not going to be interested in being corrected or having something clarified by me. I just keep my mouth shut more often than not now and mostly reserve these things for friends and family who understand that I'm not being malicious and are often suprised and interested at the random pieces of arcane knowledge I come out with :p

Edit: I also totally agree with you. IMO the rest of the team were being douches unless you came across in a *really* arrogant and superior way when you did this which is not the impression you gave me.

Edit again: The internet is the best thing that ever happened to pedants like us - now I am always just a google search on my cellphone away from proving myself right... lol :p

Can you explain in concrete words how you can tell the difference? I cannot and I would love to be able to share it with my son.